Abu Dhabi-based Rushali Vasudevan, a media professional, admits she’s ‘the queen of waiting too long’ when it comes to doing things for herself. Her friend, vouches heartily: Vasudevan is the first to volunteer when it comes to planning other people’s parties, helping them with resumes, taking them to the hospital if needed, but when it comes to herself, she holds back. Expanding on this, Vasudevan shares that she separated from her husband two years ago and relocated to the UAE after landing a new job. “For months, I lived out of suitcases. I didn’t take the time to set up my home; instead, I existed among clutter, boxes, and chaos. I lacked the emotional bandwidth to create a home because I knew those boxes held memories I wasn’t ready to confront.” As a result, the boxes remained untouched in her apartment for nearly six months.
Vasudevan adds, “Why did I wait for so long? Fear, emotional exhaustion, maybe. Or maybe, just procrastinating, because I knew it would be too much work to do it all. It has always been my problem: Waiting. Even when things were turning really sour in my marriage, I kept waiting for it to mend itself, even though it was clear that we were incompatible. And whenever I finally do something for myself, I am relieved, but it’s already mixed with a twinge of regret: I should have done this earlier.”
What do we keep waiting for?
‘I should have done this earlier’ - it’s a feeling we can all relate to. This habit of waiting can apply to anything from tackling a challenging task at work to having a difficult conversation with a friend. Over time, these small delays build into larger, more complex issues, where we end up waiting for closure to happen on its own, hoping things will somehow ‘fall magically into place’.
What do we keep waiting for? The list is endless. Dubai-based Gina Betty, an entrepreneur says from her own experience. “I think, we wait to try out and explore things that really call to us. We wait to take on challenges - be it personal or professional. In my case, I wait for rifts to somehow mend themselves, because I’m afraid of taking the first step.”
Building on this notion, Monica Jansen, a psychologist based in Dubai, notes, “We often wait too long for closure, struggling to accept that the past is truly behind us. We cling to what we once had, failing to appreciate the present, and in doing so, we risk losing it as well. This perpetuates a cycle of regret and guilt.” She emphasises that while each person has their own list of things they keep waiting for, the overarching theme is similar: Many delay taking initiative to resolve their challenges, instead hoping that someone else will come to their rescue.
Why we keep waiting: A form of fearful procrastination and people-pleasing
Clinical psychologist Sarah Thomas from The Hummingbird Clinic, Dubai, explains that procrastination involves putting off tasks that could be done today, often due to increased anxiety and worry about personal projects. This worry creates resistance, leading to avoidance that heightens stress and reinforces procrastination. Ultimately, procrastination fosters feelings of guilt and self-doubt, and when it extends to personal conflicts and challenges, the complications become even more pronounced.
Magdalena Karakehayova, a Dubai-based psychologist adds, “Another reason why people might put off doing things for themselves, can be related to people pleasing tendencies, or putting others' needs before their own.” Although this can be an adaptive behaviour, neglecting ourselves too much or never attuning to our own needs can lead to deterioration in self-concept, relationships and overall quality of life.
Another reason why people might put off doing things for themselves, can be related to people pleasing tendencies, or putting others' needs before their own.” Although this can be an adaptive behaviour, neglecting ourselves too much or never attuning to our own needs can lead to deterioration in self-concept, relationships and overall quality of life...
So, when we finally realise that we waited too long, it leads to anger, resentment and rather unstable internal environment. We tell ourselves, ‘I should have done this long ago’, but unlike fantastical sci-fi films, there’s no time machine to fix or change that. So, how do we invest in our future selves and reduce the chances of regret-filled choices?
Psychologists suggest that envisioning our future selves can help break the habit of waiting. By reflecting on how our current decisions will impact our future feelings, we gain perspective and align our actions with our core values and long-term goals, adding meaning and purpose to our lives.
Reducing regret: Connecting with our future selves
How does considering our future self help improve decision-making? Well, you can always write a letter to yourself, as Abu Dhabi-based Avantika Rao’s 18-year-old daughter once did. “At the age of 18, she wrote a very long letter to her future self, envisioning what she wanted to be, and imagining the decisions that she had taken, and how it had helped her. It was a very clear letter that she had written on a letter pad. She showed it to me and said that it had helped her plan and keep her grounded. She never liked waiting for ‘life to just happen’. For several years, she followed the vision that she had made for herself in that letter,” explains Rao. Rao wishes that her daughter had been allowed to live out the rest of her vision. “Had she not been taken away from us at the age of 27, I feel like she would have really kept to the ‘future self’ that she had planned in that letter.”
Reflecting on our future selves: Making decisions
It gives you a sense of grounding. Leticia Rullan, a Dubai-based psychologist explains further, “Traditionally, decision-making is viewed as a balanced cognitive and emotional task. While it’s generally encouraged to balance both in the process, some people tend to make impulsive choices based solely on their emotions, while others rely only on facts, not considering their feelings about this. Reflecting on our values and what is important to us during this process helps integrate both thinking and feeling. It enriches the process by providing clarity on what truly matters to us.”
So, when you reflect on the decisions you’re making for your future self: Ask the right questions. “‘Does this decision reflect the person I want to become? Is this a decision I would be proud of in the long run? What will make me regret this decision in the future?”’, ‘If my future self could talk to me now, what advice would they give me about this decision?’,” explains Rullan. Questions like these lead to more intentional choices, less impulsive decisions, fostering patience and self-discipline while reducing cognitive dissonance - this is the discomfort we feel when our beliefs and actions are misaligned.
‘We’re gentler with our current struggles’
When visualising your future self’s values and priorities, it strengthens our sense of self and makes us feel more authentic and truer to who we are, explains Rullan. This self-reflection is valuable in decision making, too. “In terms of relationships; future self-reflection can inspire us to invest in relationships that help us grow and bring positive energy to our lives. It creates empathy by reminding us that lasting, meaningful connections are essential to our overall wellbeing over time,” explains Rullan.
In terms of relationships; future self-reflection can inspire us to invest in relationships that help us grow and bring positive energy to our lives. It creates empathy by reminding us that lasting, meaningful connections are essential to our overall wellbeing over time...
“Moreover, connecting with a future version of us encourages self-compassion. When we think about who we want to be, we tend to be gentler with our current struggles, recognising them as part of a growth process. This non-judgmental approach is linked to lower stress, better mental health, and stronger, more fulfilling relationships,” she says.
A touch of self-compassion in preventing future regret
To twist Shakespeare’s iconic ‘The world’s a stage quote’ a little: Indeed, the world might be a stage and we might all be players, but we do forget our lines, scenes often and do whatever it takes in the moment to set it right. This paves the way for regret later in life, because the choice we made, might not have been the right one. And that’s where, a dash of self-compassion is needed.
As the experts explain, self-compassion helps us avoid regret by fostering a kind attitude toward ourselves. “It's important to remember that the decision or the choice we made in a particular moment was the right one for us at that time in our lives. By cultivating self-compassion, we're more focused on the present moment and this can prevent future regrets,” says Thomas.
Furthermore, self-compassion in the present can help us make reasonable decisions for ourselves that consider numerous factors, such as those related to how sustainable a certain endeavour is, how much of a toll it will take on us, and how much of a commitment it might be, just to name a few, adds Karakehayova. “Self-compassion can allow us to assess our actions, and make sure they align not only with our goals and aspirations, but also with our mental, emotional and even physical capacity.”
Finding balance between the long game and momentary joys
Everyone seeks happiness in one way or another - through relationships, career success, or personal achievements. However, happiness, often a fleeting mix of joy, pride, or contentment, is also surprisingly elusive. Karakehayova adds, “Psychologists refer to this as the hedonic treadmill: even when we hit major milestones like landing a dream job or meeting a soulmate, our happiness tends to settle back to a baseline over time. This relentless pursuit can make us overlook the present, diminishing our gratitude and neglecting the connections that make life fulfilling.”
So, how do we find balance? It’s about blending future goals with present joy. Instead of chasing the next big thing, focus on intentional actions that support your dreams without sidelining the now. For example, if you’re working toward acing an exam, create a balanced study schedule that allows time for rest and loved ones. “By embracing the present while still moving forward, we can find joy in the journey, not just the destination,” she says.
Here's what to do:
Visualise your future self: Reflect on the person you aspire to be and the values that matter most to you.
Practise self-compassion: Acknowledge that past choices were made with the best information you had at the time.
Balance goals with present joy: Take actionable steps toward your dreams while cherishing the moments of now.
