UAE parents: Are you guilty of 'Revenge Bedtime Procrastination'?

The kids have gone to bed, it’s a slow evening – the moon is shining. You are just sitting doing nothing. Bed time comes closer and closer and then crawls by. But you are having way too much fun … doing nothing, perhaps scrolling down an Instagram feed or watching a TikTok video. If you find yourself in this predicament, you are not alone. In fact, this delay of sleep time is such a phenomenon that it’s even got a name: ‘Revenge Bedtime Procrastination’.

It’s particularly observed in parents with busy lives and little ‘me-time’, says Dr Waleed Ahmed, Consultant in Child, Adolescent and Adult Psychiatry, Priory Wellbeing Centre, Dubai and Abu Dhabi. “This may be a problem for some parents who have very little time for themselves during the day and look forward to some quiet time during the night to catch-up on hobbies, social media, streaming services, etc. Some researchers argue that this behaviour is linked to problems in self-regulation.”

Claudine Gillard, of UAE-based firm Sweet Dreams Sleep Consulting, adds: “There’s a strange relationship to sleep by some people where they think sleep is the enemy or problem or an issue.”

The term bedtime procrastination was introduced to the world back in 2014, in a study from the Netherlands. A few years later, the word revenge was added to the mix argue some, while others say it was an English term for another process that found fame in China – 'bàofùxìng áoyè’, which means retaliatory staying up late, explains UK broadcaster BBC. This term was, argues Sleep Foundation, a result of frustration tied to long, stressful work hours that left little time for personal enjoyment.

Sleeplessness in a parent may be caused by many things – it could just be being wired up after a hard day’s work or wanting some space to oneself or it could be caused by anxiety about a child. Gillard explains that this anxiety-robbing phenomenon is quite common too. “A parent may contact me about themselves. But it's not the child that's causing them not to sleep - directly anyway. I mean, they might be worried about their child and that’s causing them to lose out on sleep, but it’s not really the child,” she explains.

Another issue that wreaks havoc on a good night’s nap is the expectation of a restless night – it sort of becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy, she says.

It’s important then to mould the mind’s processes – to channel those ‘heavy thoughts’ to the day. “We can’t go through life, always without any burdens. So my job is to help people to manage those burdens at a time of day that's appropriate. The last thing you want to be doing if you want to get a good night's sleep is either having stimulating conversations, or having very stimulating thoughts,” explains Gillard.

In both cases, it’s imperative to slot time to digest thoughts and detox the mind.

Dubai Health Authority recently put up a tweet explaining that as adults, we need between seven and nine hours of sleep. During these hours of rest, our nerve cells regenerate, and some connections light up, strengthening our brain and thinking ability. Sleeping enough is also linked to mental and physical well-being; people who don’t get enough sleep are often at risk of health problems such as obesity, diabetes and heart problems, explains the US-based Cleveland Clinic’s website.

Dr Ahmed explains the detrimental effect of chronic sleeplessness. “An occasional night without sleep can make one tired during the following day but it wouldn’t necessarily affect one’s health. However, after several sleepless nights, one may begin to feel tired, find it difficult to concentrate, and start to feel depressed and anxious,” he says.

A recent study on sleep loss and its impact, published in the journal ‘Annals of Behavioral Medicine’ found that three days of consecutive sleep loss – i.e. sleeping less than six hours – has a detrimental impact on the physical and mental well-being of a person. "Many of us think that we can pay our sleep debt on weekends and be more productive on weekdays," Lead author Soomi Lee, assistant professor in the School of Aging Studies at the University of South Florida, said. "However, results from this study show that having just one night of sleep loss can significantly impair your daily functioning."

Gillard believes some sleep compensation is possible, but not if you have chronic issues. “You can compensate for sleep the next night by going to bed earlier – it’s recommended rather than lying-in in the morning – easier to control bedtime. You can’t make it all up the next night, of course, but over the next few days. If you have chronic sleep debt, you would not expect to make it up, you would just need to get into healthy sleep habits that going forward would not create further sleep debt for yourself.”

Gillard explains that scientists and neurologists have identified four stages of sleep. All stages are necessary. “Sleep is divided into non-rapid-eye movement (REM) sleep and REM sleep. Basically, you’ve got a period of pathway into sleep, so stage one is very, very light sleep whereby you are just under unconsciousness. It’s easy to be woken up, you are not fully relaxed. Stage two you are definitely asleep. The body experiences a change in temperature, your brainwaves slow down, your heartrate slows down, your breathing slows down, you become relaxed and maybe you could be woken up but it will be more difficult.

“Non-REM is also called delta sleep. Basically, there’s significant changes to the body at this time. There’s a lot of change to your pulse and breathing rate, which decreases even more, muscles are more relaxed, there’s a reduction in brain activity. This stage is thought to boost recovery, restoration, immunity system and so on.

“REM sleep – this is where the brain activity picks up. The brain activity seen at this time is very, very similar to being awake. It is called dream sleep, so we assume there’s a lot of necessary brain function going on in such as memory, cognitive learning, awareness of certain things like being creative and having thought patterns that will then transfer to day time, so it’s absolutely essential. People who don’t have REM sleep, then there’ll be an issue in terms of repercussions. Usually, REM sleep comprises 25 per cent of our total sleep. We tend to have more REM sleep as the night wears on, particularly by morning time, which is why we remember our dreams when we wake up.

It all boils down to something called a circadian rhythm – this is what determines sleep patterns, body temperature, hormone release and even metabolism. When night comes, the body increases the levels of the hormone melatonin in preparation for sleep; when the time comes to wake up, on the other hand, the body raises its temperature and releases the hormone cortisol, which makes one alert. As yet, the link between tendency to procrastinate bedtime and a person’s circadian rhythm has not been clearly established.

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