That's enough!
Let it go. Have some pie.
Dubai-based Ankita Cherian has mastered the art of useful exressions when all her relatives break into arguments around the dinner table during the holiday season. As she grimly says, it has taken years of experience. "I don't think that I've ever had a peaceful holiday season. If I'm not rushing around, preparing spreads for the table or decorating frantically, then I'm just trying to keep my family calm, without getting unnerved myself." She says: There's really not much that she can do about it, people are people, at the end of the day. Her aunt triggers her mother; her father steps in. Another uncle chooses that very moment to fight about what happened last week. It goes on.
It does get difficult, while navigating the emotional minefield, as she says. Yet, there's a way to glide through the festivities without stressing yourself out too much. Here's how.
Prepare your mental toolkit
The holidays can feel like an emotional workout, so go in with the right mindset. Remind yourself that you can’t control other people’s behaviour—only your reaction to it. So, try a few breathing techniques to keep you centered. As Grace Paul, a Dubai-based life coach and wellness instructor suggests: Think of it like a game: How many comments can you deflect with grace? An aunt criticises your life choices? Smile, nod, and say, “That’s an interesting perspective”—and then pass the gravy.
As American-Indian Dubai-based event planner Shelley Jacobs had earlier told Gulf News, don’t burn yourself out going overboard with decorations at home to impress your relatives. Plan what is affordable for you, in terms of décor and food. “Everyone has different ideas of the holidays and not all expectations can be fulfilled,” she says. Repurpose last year’s decorations; see what you can upcycle.
One key thing to remember: Your relatives aren’t going to transform overnight just because it’s the holidays. If you’ve found them difficult before, you’ll likely find them difficult now too. The key is to not expect some miraculous change in their attitude, because you set yourself up for disappointment. The holidays are meant to be enjoyed, so setting unrealistic expectations will just upset you further. So, take a few deep breaths before you start planning for the festivities.
Set realistic expectations
Newsflash: This is not a holiday movie. No family is perfect, and that’s okay. Accept that your uncle might bring up politics, or that your sibling might still make that snarky comment about your career. Lowering your expectations can prevent disappointment and help you focus on the positives.
Anticipate the usual patterns
Pay attention to unhealthy dynamics or recurring issues from past gatherings. Anticipate the same challenges this year and strategise how to manage them. Identify potential conversation minefields and think about how you can redirect or defuse them in advance. Planning proactive responses or subtle changes during the visit can make a significant difference, explains Paul.
Strategically steer conversations
Master the art of redirecting awkward or heated topics. Is your cousin revving up for a debate? Pivot gracefully by saying, “Let’s not spoil the pie! Who wants to hear a funny holiday story instead?” Armed with a few neutral, feel-good anecdotes, you can guide conversations back to safer ground.
Politely excuse yourself. Go to the washroom, take a few deep breaths and return. Remember to keep your cool and don’t be argumentative. Look for the quiet space in your home, where you can just be by yourself for a while. You don’t have a compulsion to be around them all the time
However, sometimes, things happen that aren’t in our control. So pick your battles. See what’s worth fighting for, and whether you should let it go. If you know that one relative will invariably pick up a sensitive topic, think of how you will handle it, without getting upset.
Enlist allies
Chances are, you’re not the only one wary of the family dynamic. Team up with a like-minded relative or friend who can help diffuse tense situations or share an inside joke to lighten the mood. Just remember to keep it kind—you’re here to enjoy, not escalate.
Remove yourself, if necessary
Now just by chance, someone says something that will upset you, take a few deep breaths, advises Beverley Wylie, wellness expert and the founder of Wellness We Need, based in Dubai.
Politely excuse yourself. Go to the washroom, take a few deep breaths and return. Remember to keep your cool and don’t be argumentative, says Wylie. That is, if you don’t want the festivities ending on a sour note. There is no point engaging in verbal battles, she adds. Look for the quiet space in your home, where you can just be by yourself for a while. You don’t have a compulsion to be around them all the time, she says.
Follow self-care rituals
It might sound mundane and drab, but you will need self-care rituals to avoid getting overwhelmed by your extended family members, warn the experts.
Do whatever it takes. Yoga, books, or just watching a film. However, make sure you’re one step ahead to avoid last-minute chaos. Do what you can before time, so you will feel less stressed in front of your family members.
When all else fails, find humour
Sometimes, the only thing to do is laugh. That awkward silence after your aunt’s “when are you getting married?” question? Comedy gold. Your cousin’s latest conspiracy theory? A future anecdote for your friends. Humor can turn even the most stressful situations into memorable—and strangely endearing—holiday moments.
