Ah, that feeling when you remember something that you never, ever wanted to recall in your life, again. That’s a cringe attack, right there. These attacks can hit out of nowhere, and an embarrassing memory suddenly resurfaces, making you want to curl up in a ball. Your cheeks flush with heat, and you might need a moment — or several — to regain your composure. Whether it’s sending an awkward text to the wrong person or blanking on someone’s name right after being introduced, these moments have a way of catching you off guard and igniting that familiar wave of embarrassment.
Forinstance, till several years ago, I was haunted of being a 10-year-old trying to sing Queen’s classic We Will Rock You in front of a batch of other 10-year-olds during a music class. I had spent all week learning, determined to outdo other classmates. I wish that I could say that all went well and that I was hailed as the best singer of the class, except that I forgot the lyrics after the first few lines, and suddenly switched to Aqua’s Barbie Girl halfway after a very awkward pause and explanation. Classmates whispered to each other while giggling. I could hear some confused murmuring as I made the uneasiest paradigm shift between musical genres. Meanwhile, the music teacher tried to look encouraging as ‘Big disgrace…big disgrace’ turned to ‘Life is plastic, it’s fantastic’.’
The ‘cringe’ hits hard. Sometimes, like a freight train as many other fellow cringe-rs recall. Abu Dhabi-based Mudita Joy, a media professional, morosely accepts that her life is a ‘series of cringe attacks’. “Where do I even begin? I’ve tripped on stage, sneezed on my boss while they were praising me, misspelt desert in a headline as dessert. Earlier, it used to really emotionally paralyse me, but now I just take a few deep breaths and try to see the funny side of it, if I can of course.”
Similarly, Amelie Johnson, an Abu Dhabi-based homemaker, still reels from a particularly embarrassing memory: She had once kept her classmate’s contact as ‘Miss Know It All’, and was intending to send the contact to her friend, but accidentally sent it to the classmate themselves. “I would just run past her awkwardly, because I couldn’t face her,” Johnson says.
Why do we have cringe attacks?
It’s difficult, no doubt. Dubai-based psychiatrist Alisha Menon explains that these episodes are rooted in evolution — our brain is wired to remember negative experiences as a survival mechanism. “It’s a common survival strategy. We often don’t remember the good things because they don’t seem crucial for our survival. But when something negative happens, we fixate on it, perhaps a bit too much, using it as a tool to avoid future mistakes,” she explains.
Elaborating further, Aida Suhaimi, a clinical psychologist from Dubai Medcare Camali Clinic says, "Remembering embarrassing moments is like having thoughts and images that were perceived as embarrassing and are associated, linked or 'fused' with intense negative emotions of embarrassment and shame. These memories are just thoughts and feelings that come and go, like the weather. And when we get too caught up or stuck in the past, our feelings and behaviour change with it. We tend to be stuck in feelings of embarrassment, awkwardness and shame, which affects our current behaviour."
Embarrassing memories often resurface because they act as internal alarms, reminding us not to repeat the same mistakes. For instance, if you accidentally revealed personal messages during a presentation, you’d immediately start thinking of ways to prevent that from happening again. These cringe attacks also linger because we tend to suppress them, but ironically, the more we try to push them away, the more persistent they become.
Cringe triggers can also be quite random. “You might bump into an old schoolmate who witnessed one of your embarrassing moments,” Menon notes. “Suddenly, the memory floods back, and you relive it all over again.” Instinctively, we have a tendency to response by either suppressing these emotions or we let the emotions control how we act or behave, explains Suhaimi. Whenever we do remember an embarrassing moment triggered by a similar event, we become more hypervigilant, overcautious, overthink or avoid similar situations altogether. This can lead to a cycle of emotional reactivity.
Instinctively, we have a tendency to respond to the cringe attack by either suppressing these emotions or letting the emotions control how we act or behave. Whenever we do remember an embarrassing moment triggered by a similar event, we become more hypervigilant, overcautious, overthink or avoid similar situations altogether. This can lead to a cycle of emotional reactivity....
Yet, there’s a silver lining. According to Menon, these cringe attacks are also a sign of self-awareness and can actually help people navigate social situations more effectively.
So, if you tend to relive embarrassing and cringe-worthy memories that assail you often, the psychologists and UAE residents have a few suggestions on how to overcome this. Start by telling yourself, you’re human.
A little compassion always helps
We can’t completely avoid embarrassing moments, but we can learn to dial it down, a little or even a lot. Alison Shaw, a Dubai-based stress specialist and workplace mentor, offers some reassuring advice for those who struggle with cringe attacks. "We tend to be too hard on ourselves. Our brain doesn’t let us forget when we’ve done something less than graceful, and we get stuck replaying it over and over. What’s important to remember is that everyone makes mistakes. Be kind to your 25-year-old self who fumbled on a big work presentation," she advises.
For instance, imagine that a close friend told you they experienced the same cringe-worthy moment. Would you criticise them or offer comfort? You’d likely reassure them. Now, extend that same gentleness to yourself. Acknowledge the embarrassment, but don’t dwell on it. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes.
As she summarises, the truth is, cringe attacks often pull us back to moments when we were caught doing something we now see as wrong, foolish, or ridiculous. However, expecting to go through life without making any mistakes, lapses in judgment, or silly decisions isn’t realistic.
Laughing at your mistakes
Quite often, if you can see it as an opportunity to laugh at yourself, it can be surprisingly therapeutic. Dubai-based Aman Karthikeyan, a corporate communications manager, still recalls his first mortifying visit to meet his wife’s parents. “I had never reached that stage in a relationship, at that time, so I was desperate to look classy and suave, but instead, kept stumbling over my words. When they asked about my favourite films, I blurted out ‘Star Wars’. It wasn’t my favourite at all, but it was the only film I could think of. My wife tried to look encouragingly at me, but even she didn’t know how to save the situation,” he says.
It didn’t help when he attempted to light incense sticks and accidentally placed a burning matchstick on the tablecloth. “I really thought that I wouldn't be able to marry her,” he jokes. “I didn’t sleep for days back then. But now, it’s a family joke, and we all laugh about it. I still feel embarrassed, but it helps when you have a loving support system to laugh about these things.”
A little laughter can really heal a mortifying memory, as the psychologists say. Menon explains how, “Embarrassing moments carry a lot of emotional weight — shame, regret, or self-criticism. Laughing at yourself reduces that intensity. It shifts your mindset from harsh self-judgment to lighthearted acceptance. It acts as a pressure valve, releasing the tension built up around the memory that is making you burn with embarrassment.”
So, when you find humour in a situation, you naturally step back and gain perspective, adds Shaw. What once seemed like a catastrophic mistake can suddenly appear trivial or even absurd when viewed through a comedic lens. You realise that everyone makes awkward mistakes, and many of them are just part of the human experience. Moreover, sharing your embarrassing moments with others and laughing together builds connections. You’ll often find that people can relate, and laughter becomes a shared way of coping. In fact, these stories can even strengthen bonds as they show vulnerability in a relatable and human way.
Finally, humour provides you with control over the narrative. Instead of the memory haunting you, you can reframe it as an entertaining anecdote. This shift in perspective gives you agency, allowing you to laugh about the moment.
Perspective check
We often blow our own mistakes out of proportion, believing they are far more memorable or significant than they really are. Menon explains, “This happens because, when we feel embarrassed, the emotional impact makes the memory feel larger than life. However, it’s important to remember that while the moment might feel intense for us, others are usually far less focused on it.”
Most people are too busy with their own concerns to spend much time thinking about someone else's minor missteps. Even when others do notice, their attention is often brief — they quickly move on, just as you would if you witnessed someone else’s embarrassing moment. “The human brain is wired to focus more on personal experiences, so what feels like a monumental blunder to us is often a fleeting, barely noticeable moment to others. Recognising this can reduce the weight of these memories, making them feel less threatening or significant,” says Shaw.
So, as the experts explain, when a cringe attack strikes, pause and ask yourself, “Will this matter in a year? Will anyone still be thinking about this tomorrow?” This mental exercise helps put things into perspective. Chances are, what feels humiliating now won’t even cross your mind a few months down the road. You can also ask yourself, “Did anyone even notice?” Often, the answer is no — or at least, not in the exaggerated way you’re imagining.
By considering these questions, you challenge the automatic negative thoughts that blow the event out of proportion. This reframing helps you see that the moment is probably insignificant in the grand scheme of things, which takes away its power to make you cringe. Over time, practising this habit trains your mind to naturally give less weight to embarrassing moments, making them easier to brush off.
