Abu Dhabi-based Sharva Das, a self-professed recluse, prefers it when his wife Yahvi Das dominates a conversation. He steps back, watching the subtle shift in the room, when she speaks. They instantly pay more attention to her words, and ask more careful questions. If a task needs attention, they jump in without hesitation, as she lays out clear and concise instructions without mincing words.
Perhaps it’s her calm, yet firm tone that earns her respect instantly, he ponders. Maybe, it’s the way she holds a conversation, remembering details of what someone had said before, and connecting it with her experience, without making it all about herself. Das laughs and says, “I always tease her about it. There are just so many things about her, from body language, to conversational skills, that earn her so much respect and admiration. The best part is that she is never rude: If someone crosses the line, she politely lets them know, but does it in such a way that they apologise immediately.”
Now, if only most of us knew the art of mastering such behavioural skills that help us earn respect immediately. For instance, Kehlani Grayson, a Dubai-based American expat, recalls her younger days, when she found it difficult to hold a conversation owing to her own nervousness and confidence, losing out on any possible professional opportunities.
We’ve all experienced it. According to psychologists, earning respect isn’t some mystical art; it’s about making a few behavioural tweaks. Classiness is the cornerstone, encompassing emotional control, polite yet firm communication, integrity, and confidence.
So, if you notice people ignoring you, cutting you off in the middle of a conversation, or just generally taking you for granted, here are a few suggestions.
Watch the body language, tone and pitch of your voice
You’ve probably been there (and if not, good for you): Standing in front of your colleagues, presentation in hand, heart racing. Your nerves take over — you avoid eye contact, stumble through your words, and suddenly, all that hard work feels like it’s slipping through your fingers. You might’ve had the best slides, the perfect data, but the jitters steal the spotlight. It’s frustrating. All that effort, and yet, it’s your nerves that take center stage.
It’s what used to happen to Dubai-based Aminah Khan, a public relations manager, who found ways to ease frazzled nerves. “First, I take a few deep breaths. I stand tall, keeping my posture straight, and speak carefully. I don’t rush my words. These are all the suggestions that my advisors used to give me,” she says.
Dubai-based Yvonne James, a British psychologist and stress specialist agrees with these behavioural skills: “A good posture exudes confidence. Even if you’re saying something incorrect, don’t slouch or hunch. Politely correct yourself, without too many explanations. Speak slowly, with authority. If you keep rushing through your words in conversations, it conveys nervousness. Keep your pitch balanced — neither too high nor too low — ensures you come across as approachable yet assertive. Varying pitch for emphasis adds dynamism to your speech,” she adds. “Keep steady, warm contact, as if to say that you are in control.”
Steering clear of negativity and petty gossip
A little gossip is like a sweet indulgence — enjoy it sparingly, like a pack of sugar-coated cookies. But, too often, we’re surrounded by drama: Arguments, irritated people, and the classic "I-can’t-believe-they-did-that." We crave those juicy details, especially when we’re not involved. So, we pick apart the worst in others, analysing for hours, only to drain ourselves — and everyone else in the process.
You can put a stop to that. A person who keeps their head above such discourse, and daily pettiness, wins much respect, explains James. And it’s true, as Asavi Usgaonkar (name changed on request) often remembers a friend, who is known for rarely uttering a bad word about another person, not out of conscious design, but because simply it is just foreign to his nature. As she explains, there’s hardly anyone around him who doesn’t respect him.
Reema Singh, a Dubai-based counselling psychologist explains, “People who avoid gossip show they can be trusted with sensitive information. There’s a sense of maturity that they demonstrate, when they do not get involved in unnecessary drama or backbiting. As a result, others come to them for advice, and as they might exude a more refreshing, positive energy. Moreover, it also demonstrates emotional intelligence, choosing not to indulge in pettiness reflects self-awareness and emotional strength. People respect those who manage their emotions and don’t let others’ negativity affect their behaviour.”
Listening carefully
Having strong listening skills is also intricately tied with empathy. As James explains, “Everyone wants to be heard and seen. So, when we’re in the middle of a conversation with other people, possibly strangers, you respect that person who shows interest in what you’re saying. They ask engaging questions, encouraging you to talk more, especially if they notice that you’re a little shy or nervous.”
When you actively listen and give others your undivided attention, you show that their thoughts and feelings are valued. This genuine engagement fosters deeper connections and cultivates respect in your relationships. Moreover, listening involves empathy, adds Singh. Empathy and compassion involve understanding and caring about others' feelings and experiences. When you express empathy, you show that you genuinely value people’s well-being. This also fosters deep respect, as people appreciate your understanding nature and feel truly seen.
Being reliable and keeping promises
Can you really respect someone who doesn’t keep their promises, be it deadlines or just planning to meet for a coffee?
As the psychologists explain: A sense of reliability is crucial for earning respect. When you consistently meet your commitments, deadlines, and promises, you become the go-to person that everyone can rely on. Dependability is a trait that earns genuine respect, both in personal and professional spheres. People appreciate those who follow through, making you not just trustworthy but also invaluable in any setting, explains James.
Being consistent
Lastly, consistency is essential for lasting respect. Singh advises, “If you and a few others dislike someone, it’s okay to stick to your opinion, even if someone else sings their praises. Flip-flopping makes you seem confused or flaky.”
Dubai-based Harpreet Kaur, a homemaker, recalls a person in her circle, who would quickly change her opinion according to what others would say. So, if someone didn’t like a particular dish, she would change her opinion dramatically, and that would look rather odd, considering she had been raving about it another time. “The word would be flaky, I think,” says Kaur.
So, don’t be that person. Without consistency, all your promising behaviours lose significance. People quickly notice inconsistencies, which can undermine the respect you’ve built. You don’t want to be caught in a moment when someone says, “But didn’t you say…?”
