What does one mean when one describes a person as refined? Is it the ability to speak on any topic? Is it personal wealth? Is it the way the person is able to fit into any society? If a person draws undue attention to himself/herself in a formal setting, is the person unrefined? Will geniuses with a streak of eccentricity be pardoned if they go against the grain of modern society? Friday invites you to join the talkabout
Viewpoint: What do the terms 'cultured' and 'refined' mean to you?
Elias: Someone who has an understanding of a wide array of subjects, not just what he reads in the media. Some people think cultured means a knowledge of fine arts, music and literature. I don't think that necessarily applies in today's culture.
Natalie: I agree, but you cannot say 'this person is not cultured' without knowing where he hails from. I believe every country has a different meaning for 'culture' - you cannot generalise. It is difficult to define.
To me, a cultured person is one who knows a lot about the world, is interested in arts, in his country's history and perhaps in that of other countries, who can adjust in different societies, contribute a little to everything, is not narrow-minded, open to criticism and discussion.
Steven: There is no one I know! (loud guffaws around the table) Cultured has much to do with being refined than knowledge of art or being able to talk about several subjects or having travelled the world.
I know lots of people who are all of this and are by no means what I would call refined. It does not mean they are not good people. What it is, I don't really know. (Refinement) is an inner quality... grace, style and finesse and the way one is aware of other people even in posture and conduct. They (cultured people) think in a refined way.
Anjali: I agree. I feel that basically a person who believes in what he or she thinks and says, and respects the other person's point of view as well would be refined and cultured. As Stephen says, it's not art or knowledge, it's not belittling the other person by saying 'it's this way'. The cultured person appreciates others and gives them space as well.
Reshma: I agree a bit with what they are saying. When we throw a party and later discuss people and say, 'Oh he was really refined' or 'She was really cultured', it's in terms of etiquette also - how they carry themselves, talk to you, respect your point of view, are not rude and arrogant. It's also the family they come from (nods around the table).
Krishna Dayma. © Gulf News |
Culture can be divided into two parts - one is inherited, which comes to you from birth, the basic culture given by parents; and the other is thrust on you and depends on how much you take. That mix will make a cultured or refined person.
Viewpoint: At a formal dinner attended by various nationalities, one man uses cutlery to eat and another uses his hands. Is the latter a misfit in a global culture where conformity is de rigueur? Who sets the rules and why is the cultural habit of one society disallowed in a broader context of internationalism?
Elias: Conformity is a set of parameters set by fear and ethnocentric guidelines. For instance, if you are an Indian visiting an Englishman's house, traditionally, the Indian will feel 'I should not have used my hands' but, at the same time, if the host is open-minded and culturally aware, he would not be offended by that manner of eating. To say conformity is essential is an overstatement.
Natalie: I wouldn't mind somebody eating at my table with his/her hands if that's the way it's done in his/her country. Why do you have to suppress your own culture and identity?
But, on the other hand, you have to look at where you are - at a formal dinner, the majority may be eating with fork and spoon. Then one should make the attempt to do so. You must have the goodwill to fit in with the international thing.
Anjali: One has to make the effort to fit in. Indians in India eat with their hands, but when abroad I don't think we do that.
Elias Boutsikaris. © Gulf News |
Reshma: Certain customs are made by the world at large and society itself...
Elias: The West!
Reshma: Society, which includes you and me. There is an international etiquette and way of living, and that's how you adapt and behave.
Elias: I think the dominant culture and its history sets the rules.
Stephen: Let me take you back - a cultured person and etiquette is a matter of making people around you feel comfortable. If you are sitting down to dinner at a table in the UK, you don't want to make all the guests feel uncomfortable by eating with your hands even if that's your custom.
In the same way, if you go to a house in India, you don't want to pull out a knife and fork when everyone is eating with their hands. If you were a cultured person and had a sense of etiquette, you would not do that.
Krishna: It is a question of adaptability, flexibility and environment.
Reshma: I would say it's becoming a way of life. At home, you may eat with your hand, but you are taught from the very beginning to eat with a knife and fork. It also depends on what you are eating. We like to eat rice and dal using our hand but if you are eating a steak, then you cannot eat with your hand.
Krishna: And noodles!
Comment: Whatever happened to spontaneity or do you have to always be on your guard?
Reshma: Amongst friends no, but in a social gathering, definitely. You have to be careful of how you are talking.
Natalie Kraemer. © Gulf News |
Anjali: You have to be yourself!
Reshma: That's only for people who have been brought up in the international way.
Stephen: But even if you are brought up in an international way, you have to still behave like others.
Reshma: You even discuss things that would interest the other person.
Elias: That's consideration!
Reshma: Absolutely! But you have to be polished and on guard.
Elias: That suggests you have to be fearful and I don't agree with that. You have to be at ease with yourself.
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