They will pick over the pieces of this one for years, regardless of who wins the final in Lisbon. Next up Manchester City v Lyon. Follow that, boys...
FULL-TIME: BARCA 2 BAYERN 8
The Catalans are finally put out of their misery. What a destruction in a record-breaking night for Bayern. This will resonate for years and at what cost for Barca?
GOAL! BARCA 2 BAYERN 8
Ugly isn't the word now. I won't say sad. But this destruction was imperious and Barcelona have been shredded. Truly shredded.
GOAL! BARCA 2 BAYERN 7
Nope, there is still time for more agony. That Barca employee Coutinho has guaranteed his departure from the club to Arsenal as he skins a defender and slots home. The misfit who went on loan is really hurting his employers.
And we are not done.
GOAL! BARCA 2 BAYERN 6
A twist in the tale. Philippe Coutinho, the Barcelona flop on loan at Bayern, delivers the hammer blow as he sets up Lewandowski for the final nail in the coffin.
BARCA 2 BAYERN 5
Messi has finally popped up on the radar in the second half. A tame shot at the keeper. Barca needed him and he has been anonymous. That has really hurt them.
BARCA 2 BAYERN 5
Barcelona v Bayern has served up classic matches over the decades with brilliance and thrashings in equal amount. This one will be filed at the top of the pile and not in the Spanish side's favour. Bayern will take some stopping on this showing...
BARCA 2 BAYERN 5
Bayern like a cat with an injured mouse now as they toy and keep possession. The remarkable thing is this is no pretend team, this is Barcelona, Messi et al. The Germans are formidable.
BARCA 2 BAYERN 5
Barca try and try but they cannot match this Bayern side and are chasing shadows now. We are witnessing a changing of the guard in Euro dominance here.
BARCA 2 BAYERN 5
It should be six but a last-ditch sliding tackle denies Bayern even more gloss. With 20 minutes-plus to go, this game has potential for many more goals.
GOAL! BARCA 2 BAYERN 5
It was good while it lasted. Round about six minutes on my watch. Kimmich is the recipient of some lovely play by Alphonso Davies. Game over I reckon.
GOAL! BARCA 2 BAYERN 4
Game nearly on as Luis Suarez grabs one back against the run of play. Bayern defence caught napping and the Uruguayan nabs a lifeline. Any more fireworks??? I guarantee it with 30 mins to go.
NO GOAL! BARCA 1 BAYERN 4
The flag comes to Barcelona's rescue this time ... as Bayern think they have five. Lewandowski thinks he is on the scoresheet but he is waaaay offside.
BARCA 1 BAYERN 4
Hmmmm, to quote my Auntie Mary. Not the best sign as a ball by Neuer finds its way to Perisic, and he has the goal at his mercy again, but Ter Stegen stands up well and the shot is straight at him. Moments later Goretzka sclaffs wide with the Barca defence in a shambles yet again.
BARCA 1 BAYERN 4
As a slight aside, the Lisbon/Uefa organisers have done a great job with the crowd noise in this empty stadium. I almost forgot we were behind closed doors. But maybe that is just the delirium of the mad first half.
BARCA 1 BAYERN 4
Here we go again! Can Barca mount another comeback like to one against PSG a few years back. One big problem, they only have 45 minutes. One bigger problem, they are facing a Bayern side on fire!
BARCA 1 BAYERN 4
Don't know about the Barca players, but I need to catch my breath. My mind says more of the same, please, but my fingers are crying out for a break.
HALF-TIME: BARCA 1 BAYERN 4
Messi has had two moments of magic but Barca will need every single player to play out of their skin in the second half if they are to pull this back. Seems doubtful...
HALF-TIME: BARCA 1 BAYERN 4
A merciful ref blows up for the break after only six seconds of added time. That's a first for me this season. A brief moment to reflect on what has happened here for Barca. They really are not doing much wrong, they are just getting steamrollered. A slight lapse here and there has not gone unpunished and Bayern are ruthelssly showing why they are regarded as the best team in Europe right now.
BARCA 1 BAYERN 4
Honestly, you cannot keep up. Bayern have had 13 attempts at goal to Barcelona's six. It's like they are fitting two legs' worth of chances into one game
GOAL! BARCA 1 BAYERN 4
I am getting flashbacks to Brazil v Germany during that famous World Cup game now. Mueller grabs his second, as he stretches out a leg to beat Ter Stegen. The keeper really hasn't done much wrong, and made another great stop to prevent Lewandowski - how is he not on the scoresheet yet?
This is going horribly wrong for Barca, after such a promising-ish start.
GOAL! BARCA 1 BAYERN 3
This is insane, it could be 5-3 to Bayern after only 30 minutes. This time it is Serge Gnabry who pounces as Barcelona's gung-ho attacking is punished again.
BARCA 1 BAYERN 2
Nearly another equaliser for the Catalans as Neuer comes to the rescue with another great stop to deny Suarez.
But you cannot look away for a moment as it is Marc Andre Ter Stegen's turn, quelling the danger with his knee.
GOAL! BARCA 1 BAYERN 2
Barclona are let downby a simple error as they lose posession and Bayern punish them like a grumpy neighbour bursting their ball mid-game. Ivan Perisic grabs the glory.
BARCA 1 BAYERN 1
Almost a classic moment of Messi magic as he weaves through the Bayern white wall of defenders with ease but hits it straight at Neuer.
BARCA 1 BAYERN 1
A relatively quiet few minutes allows both teams to regroup. It is still all end-to-end high-speed stuff, but at least the goalkeepers and woodwork are not being called into action. Frenetic.
BARCA 1 BAYERN 1
The game is only 10 minutes old and already we have had more goalmouth action than 88 minutes of the Atletico match. It is all Barcelona now as they have their tails up. Manuel Neuer stands tall to stop a Suarez effort before the Bayern defence is split again, and they only just manage to scramble to safety after Sergio Busquets hits the post.
Told you this one had goals! Mental...
GOAL! BARCA 1 BAYERN 1
Oh dear. David Alaba is holding his head in his hands as another swift attack from Barca sees a cross come in seeking the prowling Luis Suarez, but the big Bayern defender sticks a toe on it and the ball spins over a helpless Manuel Neuer.
GOAL! BARCA 0 BAYERN 1
A counter-attack allows a cross to find Thomas Mueller, who plays a nifty 1-2 before hammering home past Ter Stegen.
Hello! Barcelona are scoffing at this underdogs tag early on as some lovely play by Messi opens up the first real opportunity. However...
BARCA 0 BAYERN 0
We are under way. Barca in their traditional 'blaugrana', while Bayern are in all white, looking a bitty like Barca's arch-rivals Real Madrid.
Tonight's ref is Slovenian Damir Skomina. He will be hoping he stays out of the headlines as that invariably means a job done well by the man in black, or neon yellow as is the norm these days.
BARCA v BAYERN
The players are readying for the usual pre-match bits and bobs. These moments can only add to the nerves as they are eager into the game and get their mind on their job at hand.
Just about 15 minutes to go to kick-off. How will the nerves be in the Barcelona dressing room, knowing they are up against arguably the best team in Europe right now, and having ended their La Liga season with a whimper?
Will complacency hurt Bayern, just as it seemed to do for Atletico against Leipzig? We shall see soon. I hope you have the popcorn at the ready, cos this one is sure to have plenty of goals and more drama than a whole series of 'Game of Thrones' (insert suitably more up-to-date and cool series here).
While everything has been shifted over to Lisbon to minimise the danger due to coronavirus and get the belated knockout stages completed (even though Uefa still managed to string out four quarter-finals over four nights...), one distinct disadvantage it has handed to Lewandowski is the demise of second legs, meaning he only has three games to overhaul Cristiano Ronaldo's record of 17 goals in one CL season.
He is four behind the Real Madrid and Juventus star as it stands, but only has a maximum of three games to play instead of up to five if these were home-and-away ties.
No changes to the Bayern team BTW: Neuer, Kimmich, Boateng, Alaba, Davies, Thiago, Goretzka, Gnabry, Muller, Perisic, Lewandowski.
TEAM NEWS UPDATE
Curveballs alert. News reaches me that Griezmann will only start on the bench, meaning Barca go with Arturo Vidal alongside Suarez and Messi, with Dembele on the wing.
Barcelona starting XI: Ter Stegen, Nelson Semedo, Pique, Lenglet, Jordi Alba, Sergi Roberto, Busquets, de Jong, Vidal, Messi, Suarez.
One thing is for sure, the fans are up for this. They were first locked out of their own stadiums due to COVID-19, now they will definitely be watching on TV as the last eight were whisked away to Portugal until we get a winner. The history of Barca and Bayern ensures the UAE has many loyal followers of both sides. "You could sense it building all day. No offence to PSG, Atalanta, Leipzig and Atletico, this is the one the fans have been waitiing for all week," says Craig LEader, manager of Crown & Lion, Byblos Barsha Heights, in Dubai. "The fans have been anticipating this all week, and if there is another late winner for either side, like we have had in the first two games, they will lift the roof off the place."
I wonder who Man City's Pep Guardiola is secretly cheering on tonight. Provided City can overcome Lyon tomorrow night, they face the winners of this one. Maybe he sees weaknesses at Bayern, having spent time over at the Germany giants, or maybe he knows the way to fell Barca, with him also being former boss there... He gets about does our Pep!
No real curve-balls in the starting line-ups as it is a veterans extravaganza up front. Messi leads the line alongside Suarez and Griezmann, while football's Dorian Gray Robert Lewandowski will be pestering the Barca defence alongside fellow seasoned striker Thomas Mueller, who is enjoying footy again after almost quitting the game before new coach Hansi Flick arrived at Munich to rejuvenate the German.
BARCA v BAYERN
TEAM NEWS
Barcelona: Ter Stegen; Semedo, Pique, Lenglet, Alba; Busquets, Sergi Roberto, De Jong; Griezmann; Messi, Suarez.
Bayern: Neuer; Kimmich, Boateng, Alaba, Davies; Goretzka, Thiago; Coman, Muller, Gnabry; Lewandowski
Barcelona and Bayern are two of only three teams to have got this far in the competition undefeated - the other is Manchester City. Something has to give tonight, as while we have no second leg to look forward to, extra-time and penalties will be called upon if necessary.
Barcelona had a pre-match scare as news emerged one of their number had tested positive for coronavirus. It turns out it was the injured Samuel Umtiti and th rest of the squad have been cleared to play. Phew!
Bayern Messi can work his magic in front of goal, but he will be powerless to halt the inevitable waves of Bayern attack that will put Barca under extreme pressure.
In Robert Lewandowski Bayern have Europe’s most fearsome striker — he has scored 53 goals this season, including 13 in the Champions League, more than anyone else. He is ably assisted by Thomas Mueller, who has discovered a new lease of life under coach Hansi Flick.
For all his accolades and his abundance of talent, Lionel Messi has probably never faced a more daunting task than the one at hand for him and his Barcelona teammates. The Catalan club go into their one-legged Champions League clash with German giants Bayern Munich in Libson in unfamiliar territory — they are the underdogs.
Evening all and welcome to the heavyweight clash of this Champions League quarter-final carnival. Four games over four nights and we already know two of our semi-finalists.
PSG stunned brave Atalanta on Wednesday with two late goals and it was another opportune strike near the death that dumped Atletico out on Thursday at the hands of young upstarts Leipzig.
The big question is which of the only two teams to have won the competition before from the last eight will be joining them? Lionel Messi inspired Barcelona to see off Napoli in the last 16, while Bayern Munich barely moved out of second gear to dispatch of Chelsea, with a comfortable 7-1 aggregate score last week.
