Ah, ‘having it all' is just great, isn't it? What with work worries, family commitments and friends to keep up with, it's no wonder we can all feel somewhat…pushed for time, to say the least. Sure, there are the mythical ‘superwomen' who have great careers and families, never miss a Pilates class and still find time to bake organic bread. But back in the real world, life's pressures can leave most of us feeling well and truly frazzled. Something has to give, and usually it's the time to relax with family, friends or partners, or on our own.
A recent study reveals how time-sapped women feel, with 61 per cent of people in the UK saying they can't find the time to do everything they need to, which leaves them with no energy to make changes to improve their emotional or physical health. Almost half (49 per cent) say they feel more energised after exercise, but this activity is the first thing to be neglected by 40 per cent of people when they feel tired. So what's going on?
Basic biology
It's often said that women's brains are pre-wired to excel at multitasking, and there is some truth to the stereotype. "More connections pass from one hemisphere to the other in the female brain, meaning women can concentrate on multiple things at once," says Dr Sarah Brewer, independent GP and nutrition specialist for home-shopping vitamin supplier www.healthspan.co.uk. "Men have less connectivity between brain hemispheres, so they are much better off focusing on one thing, without being distracted by other thoughts."
But before you load up your diary, be warned: multitasking can fail when you take on too much or your emotional stress is too high. Chronically chasing your tail, being on high alert and managing several things at once can lead to a burnout. Personal development expert, Phil Parker (www.philparker.org), explains: "Key body systems get switched on during stressful situations, preparing muscles for action and releasing energy and sugars into the bloodstream. Your levels of key hormones shoot skywards, including adrenaline and cortisol (which affect your immune system function), dopamine (a neurotransmitter that has a role in the experience of pleasure and food cravings), and DHEA, the building block of all sex hormones."If we constantly send levels of these hormones bouncing up and down, we can exhaust our stress-response system and burn out, warns Phil.
"What's more, other key systems get turned down by these excess stress hormones, such as the immune and digestive systems, the healing system and the part of the brain which is involved in deeper thought processes," he adds. This can lead to poor nutritional health, physical and mental exhaustion, cognitive impairment and a lack of coordination. The havoc wreaked by stress on our hormones can also have a knock-on effect for our libido, often lowering its levels or causing difficulty in conceiving.
The stress effect
To make matters worse, it's easy to feel we're not getting the balance right between all the tasks we're trying to achieve. A recent study by Toronto University found that women are far more prone to guilt then men about their work's intrusive effect on family life. "The concept of being a ‘superwoman' is great, but many women find this ideal stressful to match up to, often leading to low self-esteem and guilt," says Dr Sarah.
"Meanwhile, some high achievers who succeed in multitasking may be so consumed with their own self-importance that they look down on less successful friends or colleagues."
So what can we do to make things better? In our crazy, super-speed ‘information age' of Wi-Fi, Facebook and buzzing BlackBerrys, it's unrealistic to expect that we stop multitasking altogether - so it's time to take back control. "Most women can't ‘opt out', so it's important that we are conscious of what we're taking on board each day," says Amanda Alexander, work/life balance expert for Centrum Multivitamins. "Clever multitasking ensures we achieve our most important goals first and stay calm and healthy all day." Here's how…
Master your multi-tasking
Many of us fill every minute of our day and become overstretched. Take a clearer view of what you're trying to fit into 24 hours. "Get out of the habit of over-committing by planning in advance, writing down the three things you wish to achieve in that day," says Amanda. "Once you've achieved these three tasks, you can then tackle more if you feel up to it, but you'll feel less intense pressure and more satisfied with yourself."
Timing is equally important in mastering your multitasking habits. "Research suggests that our capacity for multitasking is at its lowest during the morning, so it's best to leave big decisions until the afternoon when your body is more able to focus," says Phil. "Don't multitask late into the evening - it makes sleep more difficult and you'll be less effective the next day."
Getting some essential downtime every day is crucial and being able to ‘live in the now' is the key to this. Living in the moment is the least stressful place to be, as we often feel anxious when we project into the future or reflect on the past. "This can be as simple as saying to yourself: ‘I'm right here, right now'," says Amanda. "Observe what you see, smell, think and feel. Accept there will always be something that still needs to be done or completed and learn to be ‘done' for the day regardless. Tell yourself that you've completed your day and allow yourself the essential downtime to give your brain and body a rest!" One of the most important ways to do this is to make time for exercise. Schedule some form of fitness into your day, even if it's just a brisk, 15-minute walk; it will leave you bouncing with energy and ready to spin all those plates again.
How to juggle without the struggle
Recognising that multitasking is a sign of the times, Dubai-based clinical psychologist Dr Saliha Afridi (www.lighthouse.com) provides five top tips for making your neverending to-do list more managable.
1. Make a 'doable' list
Drawing up a comprehensive list effectively frees up brain space and can make you more productive. Research has shown that stress does not come from having lots to do, but from feeling out of control, so a list is good. However, it's important to keep your list realistic, says Dr Saliha. "Stress is addictive. If you have a comprehensive list, but a long list nevertheless, it can be stressful. Make sure your list is ‘doable' so you are not discouraging yourself by creating an Everest of a list. Also, it's important to ensure you add ‘me time' to the list, so you do things that feed your spirit."
2. Prioritise your tasks
With constant daily distractions, it's important to stay mindful about what is important. "Time management is crucial to being effective," says Dr Saliha. "You shouldn't just prioritise work tasks, but also family, marriage, self and health, because when you have a balanced life, it's harder to be distracted. Life is all about competing commitments. If you're supposed to be working on a project and instead you're choosing to surf the internet, it's important to tell yourself ‘in this moment, I'm committing to engaging in an unstructured activity like surfing, rather than finishing my work.'"
3. Say 'no' sometimes
Women, especially, find saying ‘no' difficult because we assume others will take the refusal badly. "Many women want to say ‘no', but don't know how," explains Dr Saliha. "They might be too passive and hurt themselves, or too aggressive and hurt others. It's important to learn to how to communicate assertively. Assertiveness is a skill, meaning it can be learnt so, if you're having a hard time saying ‘no', see a psychologist who can help you understand why it's difficult for you and help you to build the skills you need."
4. Ask for help or delegate
It's usually fear of appearing less than perfect that stops many people, women especially, from asking for help, but delegation is in fact a responsible way of taking charge. Dr Saliha explains that many women have been socialised to believe that if you ask for help, it means you are weak. "Many of us forget that we are the first generation to be doing everything without a support system, especially in Dubai. It's important that we create this ourselves by hiring help to do household tasks, investing in deep relationships with members of the community, and being a good friend to others."
5. Accept you're only human
Being less than perfect by lowering your standards may seem like a cop-out to all those busy perfectionists, but sometimes getting the job done quickly, rather than to the highest standards, is the only way to stop you feeling overwhelmed. Dr Saliha advises making a commitment to be the best that you can be that day, while acknowledging that your best changes, depending on the day. "Be transparent with others about your struggles as well as being honest with yourself about your limitations."
