Being in a relationship is like foreign territory to me; it’s been so long since I have been in a proper one and, even when I have been in one in the past, it’s never been a really good one before, where I can say “I love you” and he’ll say it back, rather than look uncomfortable and change the subject.
The weirdest thing about being in one is that you change a little bit. Or at least, I have. Exhibit A: I’ve always been the kind of girl who will come home, throw my clothes on the floor, leave dishes in the sink until they smell or my wooden chopping board starts growing mushrooms (that actually happened) and then I might contemplate washing up — but probably only if someone’s coming over to visit. However, these days, since I virtually live with my boyfriend (I technically live with him, but still have most of my stuff at my old apartment, because we both have leases on our tiny flats that aren’t finished yet), I wash up as soon as I’ve finished eating. I clean the flat when I get home before him. I ENJOY FOLDING HIS TOWELS NICELY. This isn’t the kind of thing I would normally take pleasure in, but he does the same for me, and he’s always grateful when I’ve had a little vacuum around the place. It makes it much more pleasant a task when you’re doing it as a nice gesture for someone you love. Ugh. Even writing that makes me feel like some kind of Martha Stewart droid. I don’t know what’s happened to me. Everyone knows cleaning sucks.
The other surprising thing is that I no longer have the desire to go out partying. I have been somewhat of a party person in the past and 10am finishes were not entirely unusual for me. I thought I just loved socialising and hated missing out on anything fun. But, now that I have a boyfriend, I am barely interested in being out after 1am. He (says he) isn’t either. We mainly have early nights in watching DVDs. A few weeks ago I went to my favourite island in Thailand, Samet, with a few friends. My boyfriend couldn’t go because he had to work in his noodle restaurant.
I love Samet for its beach parties and wild nights but, when I got there, I found that I started yawning after dinner and, in fact, a good night’s sleep felt more alluring than a night partying with beautiful topless beach boys. If you’d have asked me a few months ago, I would never have thought I was partying just to meet people or to kill time but, now that I think about it, I must have been, because I feel like I have no reason to stay out to the small hours anymore. I’m not saying you can’t be in a great relationship and still be a party animal, but for me, my passion for partying has well and truly died for now. I’d prefer a good dinner out with friends and then a decent bedtime. Yes, I am truly 30 now.
The other thing that’s changed is that I am really trying to think of children as small human beings rather than annoying inconveniences intent on destroying your freedom, your sleeping patterns, your body and your life. I’m not thinking of getting pregnant and, in fact I just felt a bit queasy even thinking about it, but I know my boyfriend is beyond keen to have children one day, so I am making an effort to think of them as something other than a curse. I never thought I’d entertain the idea of having children, so the mere act of trying to picture voluntarily having one and giving up all my freedoms is something quite new to me. I even found myself daydreaming when I was running around the park yesterday about how cute our kids would be. And then I ran past some vile children; the older boy was dangling his sister’s shoe over the lake saying “this is discipline because you hit me in the face”. How delightful and endearing.
So, I’m not quite convinced on the baby front but, the fact that being in a relationship has got me enjoying housework is alarming enough. If love has the power to do that, I am petrified about what else it can persuade me is a good idea.
