Early one beautiful morning, Tariq Ibrahim, an Indian expat of 25 years, embarked on fulfilling a long-held dream- to ride his own motorbike in Dubai. Astride a gleaming red iconic Triumph T100, he took his debut ride on Dubai roads. ‘Feeling the wind on my face after all these years was an exhilarating experience,’ recalls Tariq, a General Manager at a reputed organization in Dubai.
‘During my college years, I did not own a motorbike, so I would frequently borrow one from my friends. In fact, I probably used my best friend’s Suzuki more than he did back then.’
Though he did buy a bike while in Bengaluru, owning a bike in Dubai was always on his bucket list.
But why a bike?
‘It was something I wanted to do for myself— an accomplishment that would bring me personal happiness. That’s why I went through the trouble of obtaining a motorcycle license and disregarded the associated costs,’ says Tariq, who lives with his wife Nisin and children Neil and Haya.
The pursuit of happiness
Dr. Vedrana Mladina would agree with Tariq. The Associate Director of Counselling at NYUAD asserts that the pursuit of happiness involves living in alignment with our values and embracing our true selves.
Happiness is primarily a subjective experience, with good health and a sense of belonging being key factors that contribute to people’s overall well-being, she says.
‘Happiness means different things to different people, but in general, good health, sense of belonging, living in accordance with our values and being our authentic selves are some of the universal parameters of happiness,’ she explains.
It was a sense of belonging that motivated Shatha Almutawa to return to her home country of UAE from Washington DC, where she worked as a professor.
She went on to establish the Kutubna Cultural Center in Dubai, through which she aims to promote and showcase the creative works of Khaleeji authors.
She went on to establish the Kutubna Cultural Center in Dubai, through which she aims to promote and showcase the creative works of Khaleeji authors.
‘I want young people to grow up seeing people who share their background as characters in novels and as authors of books. Representation is very important for a healthy sense of self and for the ability to appreciate one’s history, community, and society,’ says Shatha who explains how she finds happiness and joy in books, creative expression, and being surrounded by others who share her values and passion.
Physical wellbeing: How physically active are you? Do you take time for rest & recovery?
Intellectual wellbeing: Are you learning new things?Do you engage in deep learning?
Relational wellbeing: Do you spend quality time with family/friends?How much are you giving, to yourself and to others?
Emotional wellbeing: Do you experience pleasurable emotions? Do you embrace painful emotions?
Checklist by Dr Tal
Individuals finding happiness is one thing, but nations too are now ranked on how happy their people are.
For the sixth year in a row, Finland topped the list as the world’s happiest country, according to the UN’s World Happiness Report, a global survey of people in more than 150 countries. Countries were ranked on happiness based on their average life evaluations over the three preceding years, in this case 2020 to 2022. The Nordic country scored very well on healthy life expectancy, GDP per capita, social support, low corruption and benevolence within the community.
Little moments of joy
Tanja Hahtokari, a Finnish homemaker residing in Dubai, takes immense pride in hailing from a country that has secured the top position in the World Happiness Index. According to Tanja, Finland’s exceptional social justice and equality serve as the primary factors contributing to this esteemed ranking. Additionally, safety, free education, access to good healthcare, and pristine natural environment also add to the country’s happiness quotient.
She firmly believes that cultivating a positive start to the day sets the tone for the rest of it. To ensure this, she emphasizes the importance of attending to the ‘small things’ in the morning, such as making the bed and greeting others with a cheerful ‘good morning.’
These little moments can cover a range of emotions too. Like sitting in the balcony of her summer cottage after a long drive from Budapest to Lapland (Finland) and looking the midnight sun at 2am, while listening to quietness, river and wind.
Ask her about one othe happiest moments she experienced and she would mention the time she had her first child. ‘There was complications and she needed extra care. So, when I first got to hold her after two days, without her needing extra oxygen I felt the happiest in my life,’
Fun and enriching family moments are also what make Shatha happy. She finds happiness in being with her family, hearing her language, living in her culture, and seeing her daughter play with her cousins, aunts, and grandparents.
‘It has also been deeply satisfying to research the work of Khaleeji authors as part of creating the inventory of the center’s bookshop and planning events for the 2023-2024 academic year.’
Quite like how Shatha finds happiness being with her immediate and extended family. Dr Mledina too experiences a sense of joy and contentment ‘seeing my children growing safely and thriving in UAE and my patients doing well’. If he must pin one particular moment that gave him immense joy in recent times, it is when he and his family adopted a dog from the Falcon Hospital three years ago.
Training the mind
Togetherness with loved ones is clearly something that leads to happiness. Life cocaches and mental health organisations across the world agree that loneliness can be considered as an epidemic that is increasing in the world, especially in the post pandemic society.
The increasing use of social media, especially among young adults, leaves less time for real life interactions. while that in itself can lead to lower happiness levels, it can cause other problems too. When people present idealized versions of themselves online, it can make it seem like everyone else is happier and more content. This leads to most of them sinking into deeper depths of loneliness and eventually battling depression and anxiety.
According to Paul Kismer, CEO, Happiness Means Business (USA) and certified Executive Coach, many people are uniquely lonely in the 21st Century. And the young generation is isolated and depressed in record numbers. ‘I think this has a lot to do with social media that creates unflattering comparisons to ‘influencers’ and causes breakdowns in meaningful connections that occur through text, rather than face-to-face conversation,’ he says.
Materialism is another source of unhappiness and people are not being content with ‘enough’.
‘Sadly, modern society is bombarded with a constant stream of advertising telling us we are deficient without the next ‘great thing’. We are told we are not going to be complete until we buy our way to happiness. It is a lie. Research shows wealth-based happiness is maximized shortly after we earn enough to comfortably meet all our basic material needs. Once we achieve that, more money doesn’t make us happier,’ he asserts.
In order to train our mind to be happy, meditation and other mindfulness practices can play an important role. They allow our mind to slow down enough to accurately perceive our thoughts and emotions. When we ‘see’ our thoughts and become aware of our feelings, we can rationally weigh them and choose how to act and think. ‘Sadly, most of us are yanked around by the constant chatter in our own heads. It is so constant that it mostly goes unrecognized and yet ruled out lives,’ he says.
Gratitude is also an essential practice. A very well-studied intervention is pausing once a day and writing down three things that went well. To be content, Paul advices to do this every day so that it becomes habitual. ‘The purpose is not to feel better because of the remembrances (although that often happens). But rather to re-wire your brain (neuroplasticity) so that recognizing good in your life is automated!’
For Tariq, overthinking is one of the major causes of anxiety and unhappiness. ‘People tend to worry about what will happen years from now about family, health etc. We ignore the couple of steps that we need to take today and worry about the mountain to climb!’ he says.
So, he aims to checkout tasks in his bucket list to keep himself happy. Next in line is to complete his violin classes which he started during lockdown. ‘I tend to master it soon.’
2: Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not feasible, make sure you have happiness boosters, moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning. Research shows that an hour or two of a meaningful and pleasurable experience can affect the quality of an entire day, or even a whole week.
3: Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we focus on the empty part of the full part of the glass? Do we view failures as catastrophic, or do we see them as a learning opportunities?
4: Simplify! We are, generally, too busy, trying to squeeze in more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much. Knowing when to say ‘no’ to others often means saying ‘yes’ to ourselves.
5: Remember the mind-body connection. What we do - or don’t do -- with our bodies influences our mind. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits lead to both physical and mental health.
6: Express gratitude, whenever possible. We too often take our lives for granted. Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.
7: Prioritize relationships. The number one predictor of happiness is the time we spend with people we care about and who care about us. The most important source of happiness may be the person sitting next to you. Appreciate them, savor the time you spend together.
by Tal Ben-Shahar, Cofounder Happiness Studies Academy. (PhD in Organizational Behavior and BA in Philosophy and Psychology from Harvard. World’s first Master of Arts in Happiness Studies)
