Raising an independent, self-sufficient child isn’t easy, but it all begins with some work. This may, as in the case of many homes, be something they are drawn into through play or something they are taught through a chore-reward system. Either way, research suggests that those who began to do housework earlier – as young as three to four years of age – are more likely to have good relationships with family and friends, to achieve academic and early career success and to be self-sufficient than those who discovered chores as teens. (The study was conducted by Marty Rossmann, professor emeritus at the University of Minnesota, in 2002.)
Dr Sravani Behara, Specialist Psychiatrist at OpenMinds Psychiatry Center, concurs. She adds that while many parents subscribe to the ‘let kids be kids’ philosophy and leave housework to later years, doing chores helps not only children feel helpful but it also results in positive development.
She says children benefit from housework because:
1. It improves familial bonds and teaches teamwork: The best conversations happen on the fly. This is especially true for little children. “Doing tasks together strengthen relationships as moments of conversation and meaningful interaction happen while doing [the] dishes, walking [the] dog together, cleaning the room. This [working as a team] gives [the children] an opportunity to share their feelings and promote a sense of belonging and togetherness among family members along with making them learn to work together as a team.”
2. Helps in brain development: Learning new skills are all part of growing up – as parents we help with that. “Learning new skills help [create ] surge in brain development as childhood is a phase of active brain growth.” Something as little as sorting vegetables and fruits by colour, shape and size can help kids improve their focus and attention span while activities like watering plants, cutting, cleaning aid and assist in development of fine and gross motor skills, she adds.
3. Helps them learn life skills: “Chores help teach life skills like cooking, repairing, accounting, and encourage their [kids’] independence and self-resilience,” she says.
4. Self-esteem gets a pat on the back: There’s satisfaction in doing something right. Being complimented after an activity not only validates but also reinforces that behaviour. By doing chores and attaining that sense of satisfaction, the child builds up his/her self-esteem.
5. Aids in learning how to multi-task: “Participating in household works helps them [kids learn how to] manage time and multitask as they have to balance it along with their studies, projects and playtime. When they become adults this helps them to be more planned, organised and well balanced,” she says.
6. Reduces screen time: Doing chores is good for the body, too. “When COVID-19 hit, many parents relaxed restrictions on screens as a stopgap way to keep frustrated and restless children entertained. Engaging them in household chores is a good and healthy alternative [to] screen time,” says Behara. Research shows that adults who were engaged with household chores when they were kids were successful, optimistic and competent, she adds.
When should I start setting goals for my kid?
It’s imperative that doing stuff around the house becomes a natural part of life. “Begin by involving them and considering their inputs, interests and abilities, assign tasks age appropriate and which help [them learn] future life skills,” suggests Behara. Starting early is key, she adds.
Here are some examples of age-appropriate tasks:
Preschool: Ages 2 to 5
- Picking up toys, crayons and books and putting them back in their assigned places.
- Cleaning the table.
- Spreading jam on bread and making a sandwich.
- Sorting vegetables, keeping them in Ziploc bags, placing them in the fridge.
School-going: Ages 6 to 12
- Drying and folding clothes.
- Making their own bed.
- Washing utensils.
- Helping cook a simple meal under supervision.
Teenage: Over 13 years of age
- Mopping, vacuuming, washing, cleaning.
- Grocery shopping.
- Making their own breakfast and meal.
Tips to get kids enthusiastic about chores
1. Start with little tasks and acknowledge a job well done. Praise them, saying the work wouldn’t have happened without their effort. For example, says Behara, “If Daisy put in effort and made a sandwich, give it a special name like 'Daisy’s Delicious' or if the room has been cleaned by Ron, praise him by saying, ‘I really like the way you clean it, it is as radiant as my little Ron.'
2. Make it a game. Make the chore fun and entertaining, be a role model and do it along with them, play your kid's favourite music while dusting or cooking, sing songs with them while doing chores, she adds.
3. Hugs go a long way. After they have accomplished the task give them a high five or pat on the back and compliment them. Giving hugs and kisses are worth millions to your little ones, says Behara.
4. Each one pick one. Behara recommends writing the chores down on a bit of paper and putting them in a box. All family members can pick one each for the week. In this way the chores can be switched around and kids won't get bored.
5. Follow a positive reinforcement strategy. Use a reward chart to track completed chores and give rewards such as taking them out to their favourite restaurant or for a movie, etc., she says.
6. Listen to them when they are upset. Non-governemental organisation The Center for Parenting Education recommends listening with compassion to your children’s complaints about chores up to a certain point and then helping them to complete their assigned and agreed-to tasks responsibly.
7.Use humour as a tool to teach. A note from the family pet about being hungry might remind a child that the dog is depending on her for dinner.
8. Clear the air through conversation. Use the problem exploration process if your child fails to meet his/her responsibilities. Be clear about how he feels about the problem, how you feel, and what options there are to solve the problem. Choose one solution and follow through with it, says US-based The Center for Parenting Education.
Behara explains what chores must become a part of a child’s regular routine, so that they become a habit. “There is a saying by [American writer] Elbert Hubbard, ‘Where parents do too much for their children, the children will not do much for themselves.’ Let us not overprotect and make them incompetent, rather prepare our future generation to be a competent and successful one,” she concludes.
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