Your boundaries are your sacred space, space where you know who you truly are in your soul’s stillness. Your boundary is your private space, whether it is physical, mental/ thought or emotional space. You would like your space to be respected, without intrusion. Any intrusion is violation of your space done without your consent.
What is a healthy boundary?
Healthy boundaries are when you understand an intrusion has taken place; something that annoys you, makes you anxious, with not-so-good feeling and you want to put a stop to it. You know when your boundaries have been violated, there is a felt-sense. The breach of your space could be mental, emotional or physical, in form of abuse (being taken advantage of). This occurs when someone messes with your thoughts that consistently belittles you or when someone acts, speaks, (with words, tones, gestures) that make you feel shrunk, small and drained, is when you know a breach has taken place.
We may be at the receiving end of an intrusion, and we may be a ‘giver’ of it to others, consciously or unconsciously. One can be abusive to self as well, through their own thoughts and devaluing acts inflicted upon self.
Even a child’s space gets violated when a parent isn’t handling child with respect or is emotionally offensive. All beings are conscious and aware of their space violation, including animals/ pets.
Why am I talking about boundaries and healthy boundaries? This is so because many a time we allow our boundaries to get blurred.
Healthy boundaries heal
Putting healthy boundaries is necessary for healing purposes. For example, saying no to an unacceptable behaviour from a partner or friend. This is you respecting your own boundary.
Also, sometimes we tend to give way too much of ourselves to others. This is self-intrusion of our own healthy space and, simultaneously, an act of breach to other’s space. How so? Well, we can do a lot for others, but, unless this attitude comes out from the space of true love and respect, it builds resentments. That is because when we give too much of ourselves to others, we also expect a compensation (expectation) to restore energetic balance. This is the nature of the soul; it seeks to balance.
One needs to ask: Am I giving too much, more than required to a person or to a situation? When one is not paying heed as to where boundaries should be drawn, then it is disrespectful to one’s own vital life force (energy fatigue). While it may be a good idea to say: one should always help others, be kind to others, but to reach to that state (of always) requires a lot of inner work. (Read my three-part series on inner work).
In fact, as ironical it may sound, inner work itself will let you know how and where to draw healthy boundaries. Dualities will cease and inner friction won’t arise.
Putting a clear healthy space (protection), allows our energy to be conserved so that, should an existential crisis erupt, then the energy can be utilised accordingly and diverted as per the need of the hour.
Developing healthy boundaries:
— Do not allow others to be disrespectful to you or you be disrespectful to others.
— Do not allow being taken advantage of, or receive abuse in any form or manner. Neither give.
— Develop your capabilities, hone your abilities and polish your talents. Quit playing small/ victim.
— Find your purpose and live it. Start today.
— Remove cultural conditionings that defines one thing as ‘right’ and the other as ‘wrong’. Go inward and trust your inner voice and guidance.
With meditation, clarity on all these aspects will gradually develop.
Disclaimer: Urmila Rao is a chakra balancing meditation coach, Theta Healer and a sound therapist. All the ideas expressed herein are her own and not professional advice or medical prescription. She can be reached at email@example.com