YES
We’ve all seen The Devil Wears Prada, where Miranda Priestley holds a reign of terror, pouncing on anyone who crosses her high-heeled path. Although it’s a comedy, there are grains of truth, especially in the popular misconception that women in positions of power can only get to the top by kicking and scratching their way there, stabbing rivals in the back with a well-aimed stiletto. But I think this is incorrect and outdated thinking.
Ellen Kaden, a senior vice-president with Campbell’s Soup in the US, lived through the early days of women in the boardroom. “We knew we had to be twice as good, twice as reliable, and twice as tough-minded as the men who surrounded us,” she told Forbes magazine. However, Kaden urged women to find their own leadership style and said there was a choice other than the traditional “field mouse or fire-spewing dragon”.
The dragon is a misconception that’s perpetuated by the media and copied by young women who want to appear ambitious. So, is it only these women – with their aggressive natures, spiteful comments and bullying – who get to the top? Apparently not. Nice girls get there too, and not necessarily by acting like a man. Testimony from wonder business women and countless coaches says women are in fact naturally predisposed to be great leaders – even more so than men.
Digital marketing pioneer Daina Middleton, CEO of Performics, says that assertive or competitive qualities usually associated with men are thought to be essential for successful male leaders. But for women, she says, they can be a landmine.
There is a thin, but crucial, line between being a rude person and being tough, and it’s the latter that women need to focus on. Although it may not come naturally, being tough involves being less emotional and not worrying so much about pleasing others or upsetting people. That doesn’t mean you have to be mean, you just have to be prepared to make unpopular decisions.
As you’d expect, there’s a lot of cod philosophy out there, but there are some gems, too. Robert Sutton, author of Good Boss, Bad Boss, claims that all successful leaders follow a set of rules he terms ‘The Commandments for Wise Bosses’. And these include mainly niceties: ‘Don’t hold grudges; Say thank you; Forgive failure; Admit when you don’t know; Listen to people rather than pretending to’. Not exactly mean stuff, is it? Authors Caitlin Friedman and Kimberley Yorio, in their book The Girl’s Guide to Being A Boss, state that patience, strength, resourcefulness and nurturance – qualities society cultivates in women – makes females better managers. “Communicate in a positive way. Share good news. Criticise privately, praise publicly. Have an open-door policy. Don’t talk, listen. There’s no ‘I’ in team. Create We,” says Friedman.
OK, I know a lot of that sounds obvious, but I see that as a good thing. Reading between the thousands of lines written about successful women, there is one pervading message: you can be a wonderful person and a brilliant boss.
But you’re not going to get to the top if you worry what other people think about you, over-analyse emails from colleagues and fret about disciplining staff. Ultimately, as Kaden said, it’s about finding your own style, staying true to yourself and treating others with respect but expecting them to deliver. Someone is always going to think you are rude, but many more will respect you for being a good boss. Prada heels optional.
-- Kate Birch
NO
I know a lot of nice girls. And, if I had a company, I wouldn’t put any of them in the top office, purely for the fact that they are all six and seven years old. Unless you’re a children’s TV presenter, there is no room for girliness in the workplace. Fact. Think of the women you, and the people around you, respect. Do any of them wear pig tales, or carry a dolly around with them? No. Women work. Girls play. Or, at least, that’s the way it should be.
Lois P Frankel is an executive coach and the author of multiple women’s empowerment books, including Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, in which she identifies 101 “girlish” behaviours that women carry through with them from their childhood days (when being girlish had benefits), which sabotage their careers (and other parts of their lives) as adults. These include: asking people’s permission before you do something; apologising; working non-stop without a break; keeping cakes and sweet snacks on hand for colleagues; explaining yourself too much and asking everyone’s opinion before making a decision. Frankel says that these girly behaviours can mean that women miss out on “career-furthering assignments, or promotions,” by being “reluctant to showcase their abilities, feeling hesitant to speak in meetings, and working so hard that they forget to build the relationships necessary for long-term success.” In short, girliness in the office is a no-no.
What about niceness? Think Margaret Thatcher, think Hillary Clinton, think Anna Wintour; none of whom would be described – or would wish to be described – as nice. Being nice is somehow linked with having a strong desire to please, which is undoubtedly seen as a weakness in the professional world.
However, that doesn’t mean that the only alternative is to be man-like, or cold-hearted. Perhaps back when Thatcher was forging her career, she had to deny her femininity in order to be taken seriously. But this isn’t the case anymore. Marcia Reynolds, a Huffington Post blogger and author of a book about high-achieving women says, “Neither a nice girl nor a mean girl wins at work. Unless a woman is perceived as a capable adult, she won’t work her way up the career ladder. Confident and assertive women are not ‘mean’. The people responsible for promotions label them ‘qualified’. It is angry, aggressive women bent on changing their dysfunctional workplace who are considered mean and, ultimately, not promotable.”
Two other experts on the subject – psychotherapist Rebecca Grado and life coach Christy Whitman – agree. They say, “Many of us learned that in order to compete in a ‘man’s world’, we had to deny our femininity and adopt a dominating and forceful manner. And it worked… to some extent. We’ve earned our fair share of success but we now find ourselves more stressed, overwhelmed, and on edge than ever before. Being a ‘damsel in distress’ is not the way to make your dreams come true, but neither is being the hyper-aggressive [person].”
So, no, nice girls don’t make it to the top office. And nor do mean women. But are these our only options? Are these the only roles we are allowed to play? Surely we’ve evolved since the days of Krystle and Alexis Carrington? Surely we’ve found a way to be something in between? This idea that women can only ever be either the nice secretary, or the mean boss, is an insult, an outrage, and as outdated as Joan Collins’ shoulder pads.
-- Louisa Wilkins
