For some parents, there is nothing more satisfying than offering food to a child. And there's nothing more frustrating than when their kid doesn't eat.
In the "old" days, every "good" mother made sure that her child ate a healthy helping every day from every food category: dairy, fruit, green vegetables, yellow vegetables, starch, meat, fish, poultry and eggs.
The mother would spend hours feeding her child green beans, carrots, beef, and bananas, telling stories with each bite, flying imaginary airplanes into hangars, driving cars into make-believe garages.
Types of eaters
Today, most parents don't have time to make sure their child has a perfect balance of food at every meal. Many kids are "problem" eaters. All they want are French fries and chicken nuggets.
When Jen Singer's son was five years old, his diet consisted of four major food groups: breads and cakes, apple juice, Girl Scout cookies, and anything shaped like a cartoon character. Now aged 8, he remains a fussy eater and recently declared that he would no longer eat peanut butter and jelly.
Finicky eaters are not alike, says Jorj Morgan, author of At Home in the Kitchen (www.jorj.com). Some eat only white things (visual eaters). Others like only crunchy food (texture eaters). Some eat just food groups such as pizza and spaghetti (flavour eaters). Others won't accept anything that smells too strong (aroma kings). Some prefer only separated things (organised eaters).
Mealtimes are stressful for Amy Dodds, the mother of two picky eaters, Katie, 6, and Ryan, 5. Dodds caters to her children's limited likes, but she dislikes being a short-order cook.
"We prepare separate food for the kids," says Dodds. "Now Katie rejects foods that she usually likes if she detects that it's somehow 'different' — even if it's what she normally will eat. When we go to dinner at friends' or relatives' houses, we bring food for our kids because we know they won't eat what's being served."
Why are some kids such fussy eaters?
"Once a child has refused a food a couple of times, many parents do not make the food anymore or make the food for the rest of the family and make something else — 'short-order cooking' — for the child who has refused it," says Karen Collins, nutrition adviser to the American Institute for Cancer Research in Washington.
Most food struggles are really power struggles, adds Joanne Watson, a family physician at the Mercy Medical Centre in
Baltimore.
"Kids don't have much control in their lives. We tell them when to get up, what to eat, what to wear. This is one thing they can control — what goes in them," Dr Watson says. No child ever starved or became ill from being picky, she says, except for those with eating disorders.
Experts agree that it's not one meal or one day of food that matters, but what a child eats over the long term.
Think long-term
Parents should not micromanage each meal, says Ann Litt, author of The College Students Guide to Eating Well on the Campus. It's what is eaten over a week that matters.
When it comes to food struggles, parents never win and end up with kids who do not have a good relationship with food.
"Children who are bribed, forced or cajoled to eat veggies, are less likely to eat those foods on their own," says Litt.
Studies show that it takes 11 to 15 exposures for a child to accept a new food. So parents should not conclude after just one or two rejections that the child will never accept that food.
"Research shows that children's interest in a food is most increased by watching adults they like eat a food and obviously enjoy it," adds Collins.
Parents tell Madelyn Fernstrom it drives them crazy when their child eats peanut butter and jelly for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day.
"There's nothing wrong with that," says Fernstrom, director of the Weight Management Centre at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Centre. "A fruit or veggie stick and a glass of milk rounds it out."
Watson asks parents to relax and give their children choices. "Parents should not feel that they are evaluated as good parents if they have a kid who eats broccoli and bad parents if their kid loves nuggets."
"Remember, your child's tastes will change as she grows," says Morgan. "The tomato she hates today may be her favourite food when she is 12."
Variety is the spice
Start young. Toddlers should be offered a variety of foods. If they refuse something, introduce a small amount every few months. Mix a new fruit or veggie with a familiar one.
Talk with your child. Offer a taste and encourage him or her to be "an adventurous eater". Ask what it is about the food that is "bad" — colour, texture, the way it feels in their mouth, taste — and respect your child's opinion. Some things may seem gross to them that do not to you.
Vary your preparation. Many kids won't touch cooked veggies but enjoy them raw. Same with fruit. Add a dip for fun and entertainment. Peanut butter works for both fruit and veggies. Try honey for apples.
Freeze some fruit. Grapes are great frozen. (But cut them in small pieces for toddlers to avoid choking hazards.) Put a small banana on a popsicle stick — dip in melted chocolate first, if you like — and freeze it.
Mix some puréed vegetables into a tomato sauce and serve with pasta.
Try to identify a few nutritious foods your child likes and learn to live with those. Willingness to eat one fruit or one veggie is a start. Don't push too hard. Variety is more important to the parent.
Madelyn Fernstrom is director of the Weight Management Centre at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Centre.
Start offering nutritious foods right from the start. Many parents have the idea of a range of foods that young children won't eat and think they will start to enjoy them at age 9 or 10. Studies suggest that this is too late to start.
Many parents serve portions that overwhelm children. Better to serve smaller portions and let them ask for more.
Ellyn Satter, a registered dietician and counsellor, has a terrific approach in her book, How to Get Your Kid to Eat, But Not Too Much.
The division of responsibility she suggests is particularly effective, both in the short term and in laying a good foundation for the longer term: Parents decide what is served and when it is time to eat; kids decide how much to eat. Getting involved in a power struggle over eating is never a winning situation for a parent.
If parents simply make sure there is something nutritious at each meal that they are fairly confident their child will eat, they can relax and enjoy meals. Do not become overwhelmed trying to make sure a perfect balance is eaten at every meal.
Remember that there is no perfect food that must be eaten. If there is a certain food, or category of foods, that a child rejects, often alternatives can be found that supply those nutrients. (For example, serve a wide variety of fruit, if vegetables are a tough sell.)
Karen Collins is nutrition adviser to the American Institute for Cancer Research in Washington.
