What’s in a stare? Well, it could be mean anything from ‘I’m so in love with you’ to please, ‘Don’t ever come near me again’.
Legend has it that a single look can alter fate. Stares and gazes, or any form of prolonged eye contact have been imbued with mythical power over the centuries. Medusa turned people to stone with one look. The basilisk, a monstrous snake-like creature, described by Roman philosopher Pliny the Elder, could kill with a single glance.
Well, reality is a lot less melodramatic, but perhaps just as poignant.
The nuances of eye contact
A stare, gaze or glance speaks volumes, sometimes a tad more incisively than words ever could. It could be a frigid, accusatory stare just like the one a teacher gives boisterous students creating chaos in class. It can also imply puzzlement, as in the case of Ananya Sinha, an Abu Dhabi-based freelancer, who couldn’t really understand why everyone was staring at her till she realised that she had blue pen marks all over her face.
Such eye-contact can elicit a non-verbal kind of intimacy, as Mercedes Sheen, head of the psychology department, School of Social Sciences, Heriot-Watt University Dubai, says. There are many different emotions that can communicated with one look. “Our eyes can express many feelings and thoughts without using any words at all. Take, for example, a parent's proud gaze as they watch their child receive an award, radiating love and admiration.”
Stares, gazes, can also be a sign of attraction and love, as she says. The cliche ‘getting lost in each other’s eyes’ holds truth: It’s another sign of powerful indication of mutual interest and curiosity. The pupils dilate and they maintain prolonged eye-contact. Moreover, some stares might only be for some people; they might not replicate it with anyone else.
Marianna Johnson, a Dubai-based body language expert adds, “Sometimes, certain gazes are deeply personal and subjective to different people. When you are very familiar with someone, you know there’s a special kind of stare and gaze that they have just for you, romantically or platonically. Some stares of affection have a particular softness that even the person might not be particularly aware of; perhaps only the other person knows it, because they see it. These kind of stares hold a very strong intimacy: They reflect the relationship that you share with a person, and others might not be able to pick up on it.” Such stares exude a sense of warmth, comfort for another person. It sets the person at ease, strengthening the emotional connection between two people. “It’s almost as if it just belongs to the two of you,” says Johnson.
Such glances, gazes and stares convey a softness of non-verbal cues. Perhaps that’s why, to quote Shakespeare, the eyes are actually a window to the soul.
‘Non-verbal cues of communication’
There’s so much that a look can convey.
Sheen explains, that in everyday social interactions, glances and gazes serve as subtle non-verbal cues that help guide a conversation and express underlying emotions. A knowing glance at a colleague during a meeting, for example, can communicate shared scepticism or amusement without interrupting the flow of discussion. If a colleague is unknowingly making a mistake at work, you try to alert them with your eyes. “These nuances of eye contact are integral to our social and emotional lives, allowing us to convey complex feelings and emotions while building strong emotional connections with others without uttering a single word,” she explains.
Everyday social interactions, glances and gazes serve as subtle non-verbal cues that help guide a conversation and express underlying emotions. A knowing glance at a colleague during a meeting, for example, can communicate shared scepticism or amusement without interrupting the flow of discussion.
Stares are also a form of assessment and evaluation, and silent judgment. “This process of assessment often occurs unconsciously, as we quickly form impressions, based on visual cues. A stare can be a subtle form of assessment, as we gather information about someone's appearance, demeanour, and body language,” she explains. These quick judgments can influence our interactions with others, shaping our perceptions and behaviours, especially in job interviews.
A manifestation of curiosity
Confronted with the unfamiliar, our curiosity is ignited, compelling us to stare in fascination. Nikita Unnikrishnan, a Dubai-based psychologist elaborates, “Our eyes are trying to absorb as much as information as possible. They’re trying to piece together the puzzle of the unfamiliar.”
She explains the neurological underpinnings of curiosity, which involve several regions of the brain. When we encounter something strange, our visual cortex is activated. It alerts the other parts of the brain about this novelty. Meanwhile, the attention system is engaged, causing us to fix our gaze on the object of interest. This sustained focus is what we perceive as a stare. The brain’s reward system buzzes with the activity too, as we want to learn more about the new object of curiosity.
And so, we keep staring, which can get disconcerting for others. Why, though?
Unnikirshnan explains, it means that the person staring at us wants to associate with us. This could be welcoming, exciting, or plain worrying. Regardless, the other person’s stare compels us to consider an appropriate response. Nevertheless, when we cannot comprehend the intentions behind the stare, we are uncomfortable.
Of course, sometimes, it can be just plain rude and intrusive, too. There’s a thin line between curiosity and intrusion, as she adds. Looking at someone who is behaving in an eccentric manner could just be a harmless expression of genuine interest, however, when it becomes prolonged, the other person might feel uncomfortable, judged or even threatened. That’s why you’re always warned that ‘it is rude’ to stare, adds Unnikrishnan. If you stare at other people having a conversation that doesn’t involve you, they would find it rude and invasive. “When someone stares, it feels like their gaze is invading your personal space. You see it as someone is intruding on your private thoughts and feelings. It also makes feel awkward or embarrassed, and they worry that something is unusual about them.”
The confrontational, angry stare
If looks could kill, we'd all be casualties at some point.
For example, you missed another work deadline yet again and your boss doesn’t want to waste words and just gives you a silent glare. Unnikrishnan adds, everyone has their own ‘angry’ stare: Some go for cold, and distant when they want to imply that you have done something wrong and there’s no redemption, and there are variations of a heated, intense stare during a confrontation. As eye contact is a very intimate form of communication, it can either calm an argument, or, worsen it, as Unnikrishnan says. A head-on stare, can usually signal trouble. So, in a tense situation, a gaze seems aggressive, even perhaps, if a person isn’t intending it to be so. It is also a tool to assert dominance. “By maintaining eye contact in a hostile manner, a person can attempt to establish a power imbalance. It’s a nonverbal assertion of superiority,” she adds.
From the neurological standpoint, when someone perceives a threat or provocation, the amygdala is activated. This triggers a cascade of neural signals that lead to physiological changes such as increased heart rate, blood pressure, and adrenaline levels. Simultaneously, the visual cortex processes the facial expression of anger, reinforcing the threat perception. The prefrontal cortex, ideally, would help regulate this emotional response, but during intense anger, its function might be impaired. This can lead to impulsive behaviours, including the angry stare.
In fact, it’s probably not the wisest idea to tell someone during an argument ‘look at me’. Contrary to popular belief, forcing eye contact might backfire when attempting to persuade someone. A 2013 study published in US-based Sage Journals, an academic portal, found that people when people are asked to look at them in an argument, they were far more stubborn and held firmly to their original viewpoints.
Ultimately, as the psychologists say, the human stare is a complex and multifaceted phenomenon. From attraction to the intensity of anger, the eyes can communicate a vast array of emotions and intentions. While often overlooked, the stare plays a crucial role in shaping our social interactions and personal relationships.
