How many types of friends can you really have in your life?
Dubai-based Tamannah Kumar, a homemaker, gets rather annoyed with her husband, who has too many ‘close friends’. “He isn’t even close to most of them; some of them are just people he meets at office parties, with whom he shares a couple of jokes. Others include people he goes to the gym with, or plays guitar with, in the evenings. Yet, for him, everyone is under the category of ‘dear friends’,” she says.
Her husband, who prefers anonymity, defended his approach: “Well, I do like a lot of people. They’re all my friends. What’s wrong with that?” The argument ensued: “So, are you equally close to your colleagues, co-workers, childhood friends and others you just get along with?” she asked.
He maintains a different relationship with each of them, but he is fond of them all, he maintains. “No two friendships are alike, but I do have a good time with all of them. I’m close to all of them in different ways. It’s hard to explain,” he says.
Unlike Kumar’s husband, who prefers to not give his friendships labels or examine what ‘type’ they are, others have differing opinions and clear boundaries. In contrast, Abu Dhabi-based Cindy Lin, a 28-year-old Taiwanese freelancer, firmly asserts that she has close friend circles within her friend circles. “I have my best friends, with whom I share everything with. And there are those with whom I interact with for networking purposes: Even if I don’t share my life problems with them, I do enjoy a coffee with them, once in a while.” She prefers to not blur the boundaries between the different categories of friendships.
Given these contrasting viewpoints, it's clear that everyone has a different idea about friendship. So, back to the question, how many types of friends should you have in your life?
Well, the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle narrowed the diverse array of friendships we have in our lives into three categories:
The three kinds of friendships
Friendships of utility: These friendships are transactional in nature. Maybe it's the neighbour, who helps to keep your balcony garden thriving, or the gym friend who motivates you to push harder. Utility friendships are built on a foundation of mutual benefit, a give-and-take where both parties gain something valuable.
Friendships of pleasure: These aren't your soul-baring confidantes, but rather the partners-in-crime who turn ordinary moments into hilarious memories. Pleasure friendships are all about spontaneous fun. Deep conversations might happen organically, but the priority is creating lighthearted memories.
Friendships of the good: They are based on mutual respect and admiration. These friendships take longer to build than the other two kinds - but they're also more powerful and enduring. They often arise when two people recognise that they have similar values and goals; they have similar visions for how the world works.
However, Aristotle’s framework is just a starting point. As Arielle Nicole, an American Dubai-based friendship and relationship coach explains, our lives are filled with social relationships of varying intensities. “At first glance, there are basic answers to how many types of friends should you really allow in your lives,” she says. “You have the closest friends, with whom you share everything. You also have the childhood friends, who have known you forever, been with you through each transition in life. You might not keep in touch with them so often, but you know they’re there. And then, there are those with whom you share a transactional relationship with, including business partners, networking and colleagues,” she says.
Beyond categories
On the other hand, Maria Esther, an American Abu Dhabi-based psychologist, prefers a more functional approach. “Every friendship provides us with something different and dynamic; something that is unique just to both of you. In other words, when you look at the types of friends in your life, each one has a different role to play,” she says.
Esther explains, "Every friendship is dynamic. They provide something different and special." Need clear, no-nonsense advice? You'll seek out the friend who cuts to the chase and offers a light in the dark. Feeling lost and vulnerable? You'll turn to the one who will drop everything to listen and offer unwavering support. Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine, and for those moments, there's the friend who can lift your spirits instantly.
The joy of the unscripted
Ultimately, friendship isn’t a rigid system.
As Nihara Hareesh, a Dubai-based author and the CEO of Hyperlinks Media summarises from her own experiences, “There's a spectrum to friendships. Some provide emotional depth, others bring laughter. There are even those who may not be close anymore, but their presence shaped us. Ultimately, it's about showing up for each other, because that's what makes these connections truly valuable,” she says. Essentially, it might not matter whether they are your neighbour, or the person you just met a few weeks ago, or someone you can meet only at office. What really counts is how the friendship enriches your life. You never know, you might develop a deeper, richer bond with the person you thought was just a colleague, as compared to others who have known you for years.
There are even those friends who may not be close anymore, but their presence shaped us. Ultimately, it's about showing up for each other, because that's what makes these connections truly valuable...
And, there are fleeting friendships, that make an impact and slowly fade away. Rihea Sadrarangani, a Dubai-based entrepreneur, emphasises that even short-lived friendships can leave a lasting impression. She recalls a friend who shed light on her ‘calculative’ side, prompting her to realise she relied too heavily on logic and not enough on intuition. Despite drifting apart, she maintains that the impact he had on her life, was undeniable."This friendship really helped me so much," Sadrarangani affirms .
Esther adds, “I think finally, the richness of friendships lies in its complexity. There's no single answer to how many ‘types of friends we need’ or how to categorise them. Perhaps the most important takeaway is to cherish these connections that range from the laughter-filled adventures to the support systems.”
