Have you ever felt as if you're living in the background of your own life? Maybe you're constantly going the extra mile for others, but your efforts seem to go unnoticed. Well, you're not alone. Many of us have grappled with low self-respect, a feeling that can be compared to a nagging headache that won't go away, constantly reminding you of its presence.
UAE residents provide their experiences as examples: Dubai-based Ankita Chauhan recalls watering plants for her boss who she barely gets along with. Ouch. On the other hand, Liz Hadley, an Abu Dhabi-based Scottish expat, ‘squirms’ every time she remembers how she would prepare elaborate birthday bashes for her former partner, who never acknowledged her efforts.
Yet, here’s the thing: Building self-respect isn’t impossible.
What is self-respect?
Dubai-based Devika Mankani, a psychologist, explains exactly what it is. “It’s an acknowledgement and appreciation of one’s own worth, which stems from the recognition of inherent value and virtues,” she says.
Essentially, it’s about giving yourself the love and care that you deserve. And that doesn’t mean just treating yourself with extravagant dinners or bubble baths.
Self-respect is an acknowledgement and appreciation of one’s own worth, which stems from the recognition of inherent value and virtues...
As Abu Dhabi-based Ayushi Rastogi, a stress specialist says, “The secret sauce is just living in with your values. When you do things that are important to you, it fills you a sense of fulfilment and confidence.” When you cherish a healthy amount of self-respect, it means that you have accepted yourself and your place in the world, she adds. People crave connection and belonging, which makes self-acceptance crucial for our mental well-being.
Why do some people have a low sense of self-respect?
Abu Dhabi-based Diana Alexander, a British entrepreneur remembers being particularly frustrated by a colleague, who was demeaned and humiliated by his team. Yet, he insisted on being friendly to them, by buying them birthday gifts, or preparing get-well-soon cards for them, when they were unwell. “I think he just hoped it would get better,” she says. However, it didn’t.
With a low sense of self-respect, you start feeling like a shadow of yourself, explains Rastogi. How do people get trapped in this rut?
The reasons are innumerable, including formative childhood experiences of belittling comments, the inability to move past failures and setbacks, which creates a state of helplessness and worthlessness. “Another reason is the belief that we have no control over our lives. There’s a loss of agency. Self-respect thrives on the feeling that we have some say in our own lives. When everything feels pre-determined or out of our hands, it chips away at our sense of agency and ability to make a difference,” she explains.
When you believe your actions have no impact, it's easy to fall into self-pity and blame fate for everything. “This not only prevents you from taking pride in your achievement, but also hinders growth by deflecting responsibility for mistakes,” she adds.
So, how do you build self-respect?
That troubling feeling of low self-respect can be like a shadow clinging to you, whispering doubts and making you feel invisible. Well, it needn’t stay with you forever.
As Mankani elaborates, the journey to self-respect starts with introspection. By acknowledging and understanding your unique strengths, values, and the experiences that shaped you, you build a powerful foundation. This self-reflection helps you recognise that your worth isn't solely defined by external achievements or other people's opinions. Instead, it's an intrinsic value woven into the fabric of your being.
Establish your non-negotiables
Do guilt trips leave you saying, ‘yes’ even when you mean ‘no’?
Well, it’s time to establish your non-negotiables, as the experts say. Think of them as your personal boundaries, the lines you draw to protect your well-being and self-respect. They send a clear message: You value yourself and your time.
Riley O’ Hara, Dubai-based American expat and sales professional shares her ideas of non-negotiables. “I’ve spent years of being guilt-tripped into things that I didn’t want to do, be it friends, family, or the work. It took a strong toll on me, so now I’m a little careful when dealing with such people. I can see through the emotional manipulation,” she says.
That’s just one example. Helena Rhodes, a Dubai-based corporate communications employee doesn’t overload herself with commitments, anymore. “It took years of exhaustion and inability to say no, though,” she admits. “I just make it very clear when I cannot do something, rather than make promises and not go through it.”
That’s the power of non-negotiables. Rustagi explains, “These are fundamental principles that we refuse to compromise on. They can be anything from prioritising sleep and healthy habits to setting boundaries around work hours or personal time. They empower and protect you.” So evaluate your life: What really drains your energy? Once you understand your needs, you can start setting clear boundaries that reflect them.
A pervasive sense of honesty
You need to build a life for yourself, where your actions and beliefs are in harmony. Fleur Augustine, a Dubai-based psychologist elaborates, “It’s not about being self-righteous. You just work on being deeply committed to authenticity. You live a life that reflects your values, beliefs, and the very essence of who you are.”
To build this authentic life for yourself, you need to examine your values, aspirations, and boundaries that you don’t compromise. “You work on silencing the noise around you. Everyone has expectations and opinions. So, you need to have enough faith in your intuition to decide. This isn't blind faith, but rather trusting your judgment to make choices that resonate with your core being, even when they challenge the status quo.”
Moreover, accept that you might be flawed. Who isn’t? It might ruffle a few feathers, but this courage gives you the ability to at least strive for a meaningful and true life, adds Augustine. If you work towards this, you’ll connect with people, who share your values, and you’ll foster genuine connections. Find your own voice, and stick to what you believe in.
Practise self-compassion
You can quit the negative self-talk, too.
As Mankani says, “Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding as you would offer to a friend. Self-compassion involves recognising your imperfections and mistakes without harsh judgment. It’s about understanding that being people are imperfect and learning from experiences rather than condemning oneself."
Here are some other tips:
•Engage in strength-based activities: Regularly participate in activities that align with your strengths and values. This could be anything from volunteering, creative pursuits, to engaging in hobbies that bring joy and fulfillment. These activities reinforce your sense of purpose and competence.
•Celebrate small wins: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Recognising progress and accomplishments builds confidence and reinforces the belief in your abilities.
•Surround yourself with positive influences: Cultivate relationships with individuals who support and uplift you. Positive social connections provide encouragement and affirmation, which are essential for maintaining self-respect.
