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In painful times we often ask questions like, ‘What is the purpose of all this?’, ‘Why me?’ or ‘How am I to handle?’, ‘Where does this end for me?’ etc. Our own pain prods us towards self-enquiry. If there were no experience of pain or suffering, we would not self-investigate. We will not discover the self. We would not know the purpose of all this, and all that.

Purpose of Pain

Self-discovery is an intrinsic curiosity. The purpose of pain is by no means irrelevant. Creation happens when you enquire. Action happens when you enquire. Creation moves, transmutes and flourishes under the aegis of enquiry.

Enquiry is the most relevant medium of self-understanding for, it leads to realisations, knowing(s). If you do not enquire, the mental framework remains status quo, that gets unsettling. Since your nature is of flow, you enquire naturally.

When you enquire, and truly understand your question and the depths from which it emanates, you come to your “realisations”.

Understand Your Question

Your question is important. It is meant to open doors of consciousness, lead you to higher understanding, greater wisdom, knowing of subtleties beyond the obvious that your eyes can see, ears can hear and senses can sense.

You have to understand the deeper nature of your question, however. And not remain at the surface level looming and looping around it.

An often asked question in times of pain is, “Why is this happening to me?”

If you were to go to the depths of this question, you will dig deeper into your being to uncover what is true for you. Understand your question, sit with it like you have never done before. In simple words, be in the presence of your question, sincerely. Enquire on your pain: ‘Why this suffering?’ ‘What caused/ produced it?’

Contemplate on your question without blaming anyone, any event, without complaining, without lashing out on anyone, without undergoing the feelings of anger, shame, guilt, jealousy, self-pity, self-condemnation, self-beating, self-victimising or excuses, justifications. Without latching on to emotions, without clinging on to ego-centers. Contemplate on it by being in the state of neutrality. This is important and takes practice.

When you receive flash(es) of answers, acknowledge them without denying, or resisting, let them come, let them unfold. Keep the sorting out for later in case required. Know that the answers that come from deeper consciousness are honest and assuring. They resonate and don’t unsettle, or cause fear. This will relieve you of your pain, restore alignment and show the way forward.

How is Your Relationship with Self?

Sometimes pain is instantly released, meaning its nature (cause) is understood, consciousness expands and suffering dissolves. However, sometimes it takes some degree of acknowledgement from the self to accept answers that dawn from higher consciousness, because they are so simple and true. Many a time answers are known to individuals as a feeling, but gets discounted in the mayhem of life. Therefore, it is important to remain connected with self to “realise” your answers.

Make it a practice to sit with self every day. Deepen relationship with self. Don’t run or hide, keep busy, yearn from others/ externals or turn to substances, but come back ‘home’ to self and rest in your question with calmness. In day- to- day life, self- connection is mostly broken; there are things to do, business to run, family to support and so on.

In this busy-ness, ‘home’ gets forgotten. But come back, rest in stillness and ask, ‘How am I doing today?’

Any enquiry that you have, ask 3-4 times, from the space of love and understanding for self, till the question sinks deeper. And allow your Intelligent Self to guide you.

Disclaimer: Urmila Rao is an emotional healer and a forgiveness teacher. All the ideas expressed herein are her own, and not professional advice or medical prescription. Her website is: Email: