Moving to a new country can be difficult enough when you’re young. For many expatriates in the UAE, being away from family is part of the experience of living abroad. But what happens when elderly parents are brought over to the country by their adult expatriate children? What are their motivations? What are some of the challenges they face? And how does the move impact household dynamics?
For Vandana Chauhan Roy, her reasons for bringing her parents over have to do with childcare. Roy moved to the UAE with her husband, two young children, and parents in July this year. “We wanted to move as a family. Part of the reason I wanted my parents to come with me was to help take care of my children.”
Her parents, R.P. and Mithlesh Chauhan, are both retired teachers. The first big difference they noticed after the move? The weather.
R.P., who is now 69 years, said: “One difference is the temperature. In Delhi, we can spend a whole day in the heat, but here we can only go out in the mornings or evenings.”
The heat is not the only thing he’s had to adjust to. R.P. and his wife will now have to spend their days looking after their grandchildren, aged two and 10 months. Vandana, the couple’s only daughter, is in her thirties, and their youngest son is in his late twenties. This means R.P. and Mitlesh haven’t been raising young children for a while. In light of this new family structure, R.P. said: “I haven’t been living with children for a long time. I used to do long periods of meditation, sometimes up to 17 hours per day. But because of the children around, that’s not possible anymore.”
New to the country, R.P. and Mithlesh are still attempting to build a social circle outside of the family, but face challenges along the way. “Here, I see that there are different people who want to talk us, but there’s a language barrier. There’s this old Syrian man by Marina Walk who we see on our daily walks. He looks happy to us, but he doesn’t speak English.”
Their daughter hopes that finding friends will ease the transition. “In Delhi, they have a lot of friends to sit and chat with. I’m sure there are other senior citizens in the country, but we don’t know of any. There’s no platform for them to come together.” Her other concern is having to pay huge medical bills, as her mother Mithlesh recently underwent treatment for a dental problem.
“Medical expenses are more manageable back in India, even if we don’t have medical insurance there. Although I think the quality of care here is good, the price is high.”
As the Chauhans adjust, they’re looking forward to seeing more of the UAE. “We’d like to see more natural beauty here. Right now, we only see buildings.” Roy, being new, is unsure what activities in the UAE would suit older people: “I want to take them to a lot of attractions, but sometimes I’m not sure where… Is there something that would be more suited to them?”
For P. Kumar, a UAE resident for 19 years, transferring his parents to the UAE was the best way to take care of them. “They needed full-time care. Also, I wanted to demonstrate to my children how I would like to be treated when I grow old.” The 46-year-old managing director moved his parents to the country in 2011.
His father, M. Kumar, who was a former government officer in India, is now over 80 years old. His first impression of the UAE: “Clean, secure, comfortable and hassle-free, as long as you can afford it.” According to him, the best part of the move was “the increased feeling of safety, security, and pleasure of living together without worrying about my family”.
P. Kumar feels the same way: “The biggest benefit is reduction of stress. Earlier, I had to rush to India on short notice whenever they were unwell. Now, we are able to handle any ailments and help them to recover.”
Health is definitely a concern, particularly for those who live alone, as loneliness speeds up decline and death in seniors. According to a study by the University of California, San Francisco, lonely elderly people have a 59 per cent higher risk of mental and physical decline compared to more social seniors. They also have a 45 per cent higher chance of death.
There’s another benefit to having parents stay with their adult children, according to P. Kumar. “Grandchildren become more connected to their grandparents. They can share a lot of stories together and are more aware of the family history. Everyone in the household becomes more accommodating and helpful. These traits can’t be taught in school. These values need to be lived.”
Although happy with his life in the UAE, M. Kumar said: “We miss the ability to move around the city independently. We’re not as fast and fit anymore to use public transport, so we need someone’s assistance to move.”
When it comes to their social lives, M. Kumar and his wife have nothing to worry about: “My son and some of our relatives have been living here for over 20 years, so there are good number of people to socialise with periodically.”
Like M. Kumar, P.V. Kammadathu Amma, a 79-year-old from Kerala, also stays active thanks to her child’s social ties to the community in the UAE. Her son, P.V. Padmanabhan, runs the Kerala Social Center, enabling her to attend cultural events in the community. Although P.V. Kammadathu Amma doesn’t live in the UAE, she spends most months of the year here. “Every visit to the UAE is very special and happening,” she said. For her, being in the UAE means family time. “I’ve been coming to the UAE every year since 1999 to spend the best part of the year with my family. The UAE has always been a second home for me.”
