Dubai: According to statistics released by the World Bank, there were 3.687 billion women in the world in 2016. In many global cultures dominated by an ideology of marriage and family life, a woman’s choice to remain single is subject to questioning. Is choosing to remain single still an issue for women? Gulf News speaks to single women to find out.
Aanal Patwari, an Indian environmentalist based in Dubai, does not belong to a family with “a traditional mindset” and the concept of “settling down does not mean marriage”.
The 31-year-old said: “I get to do things at my own pace. I love to travel, and I don’t have to depend on or wait for anyone. I have always been about reaching a certain stage in life, and I believe that parents invest in their children, irrespective of whether it is a boy or girl.”
At this point in her life, she states that she is asked by people around her why she is still single, doesn’t she need someone when she travels and whether she “feels lonely”. With most of her friends already married, and some even mothers now, she is on everyone’s radar.
She said: “As a solo traveller, I get to open my mind and explore every step. Being independent opens a lot of different doors, whether you are a man or woman.”
In her opinion, people believe it is important for women to be married due to traditions. While most men worked in the earlier generations, women stayed at home. But, now, things are changing.
Patwari said: “In Rajasthan, India, many women still walk miles to collect water. But, when it comes to a marketing role today, a man is suddenly in charge. Why? Some women are doing extremely well. Both genders are becoming equally independent, so if a woman wants to get married, she needs to find somebody on an equal level.”
Rachel Mendoza, a Filipina marketing executive based in Abu Dhabi, loves her independence. She wants to be able to travel without answering to anyone.
The 36-year-old told Gulf News: “I have a few Indian colleagues. For those who aren’t married at my age, it isn’t acceptable in their culture. But, in the environment that I have been raised in, which was very diverse, my opinions are respected. Not a lot of people are asking me why I haven’t married yet.”
When she was in her 20s, she would always be asked about her marital status at family gatherings. Now, a decade later, she believes that families have evolved.
She said: “I believe the pressure comes from society. They have to follow certain traditions. It all depends on how they are raised and where they come from. Even in the Philippines, in some remote provinces, people ask women to get married and have children — it’s their life’s purpose. But, people’s views are changing.”
Mariana De’ Carli, an Italian content manager based in Dubai, does not see herself in a relationship in the “foreseeable future”. Having been married before, she believes that being single allows one a lot of freedom to choose.
She said: “My work requires me to travel, but I couldn’t do that earlier because my husband didn’t allow it. It limited my career opportunities, and I had to curtail my work timings.”
The 29-year-old stated that she is at a good point in her career and wanted to put in extra hours in order to improve her chances for a promotion. But, she believes that with a family, it becomes difficult for people to do that.
She said: “I was raised in Latin America, where the culture is male-dominated. But, I recently saw a documentary where the argument was that women are expected to compromise more so due to biology, and not just culture.”
The professor featured in the documentary argues that a woman gives birth and so naturally become the primary caretaker and has to make some sacrifices. So, even in the most advanced and equal environments, if a woman decides to be married and have a child, she is putting herself in a position of compromise. “Despite that, some people still ask questions and want to know when you are getting married,” De’ Carli added.
Anuradha Singh, an Indian national working in Dubai, believes that some people want to force their lifestyles onto you, making it difficult to be in a relationship. Being independent and having achieved something in life, a woman, in her opinion, might be willing to compromise, but not overpowered by someone.
She said: “If you are independent, do not get into family pressure wherein you are being forced into doing something against your will. Try working it out. But, if you make a decision, do so wisely and then stand by it, even if things go wrong a few years down the line.”
The 37-year-old states that she has seen many women succeed in the past decade, working alongside male colleagues. This, in her opinion, is a great sign of change.
She said: “Some weaker sections of society still cannot handle the fact that a woman can handle the responsibilities at home and work equally. This is why they are trying to dominate or mould them into their own ways. It could be because of the way the men have been raised. But, it’s only a matter of time when things will change all over the world.”
Kathy Scheepmaker, a South African national working in Dubai, believes that being single allows her to make her own decisions without having to consult anybody. However, if given the choice, she would like to have a companion.
The 54-year-old said: “About 90 per cent of the time, it’s amazing. But, there are those times, when you might have had a bad day, when it would be nice to share things with someone. But, there has been a lack of suitable applicants for the position.”
She finds that a few things are a little bit more difficult when a person is single. For example, when looking for a holiday destination, most hotels cater to couples or two people. There’s always a surchage on single occupancy. The little things like those bother her sometimes.
She said: “In Dubai, I don’t feel the societal pressure to be in a relationship. I do think that in the past 20 years, or so, things have changed. The balance of the scales is tipping and women are more demanding and focused. If you have a list of 100 things you want to do in life, marriage should be in the last 10. Go backpacking, skiing or volunteer at some organisation.”
However, she does believe that a man running a household, with a wife and children, is under “incredible pressure”.
Aisha Khan, a Pakistani national who works in trade marketing in Dubai, wants to stay single so she can be independent and take care of her parents. Her siblings, two sisters and a brother, are all married and live separately. Being the youngest, she is not ready just yet to tie the knot.
The 28-year-old said: “Almost every day, people ask me why I am not married. I stay quiet and just smile. If and when it is meant to happen, it will. But, right now, I have decided to stay single.”
She says she is glad that her parents do not pressurise her to choose a suitable life partner. But, her mum keeps asking her friends for any prospective grooms.
She said: “There are women even today who stay at home, while the husband works. They aren’t treated well, but they stay quiet for the sake of the children. But, I believe that even if it is painful, raise your voice.”
Letting go of traditions is hard for people, in her opinion, and till date many people still believe that a woman’s place “is in the home”.
Khan said: “Many girls are stronger. Many men these days prefer a partner who works. Times have changed, now. I realised this when my brother, whose wife is expecting, told me he was hoping it would be a girl. There was a time everyone would pray for a baby boy.”
