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The new season of Koffee With Karan kick-started, rather ‘quip-started’, with plenty of giggles and nudges to whet viewers’ appetites.

Sadly, at the end of the wildly conversational carousal, I knew nothing about Deepika Padukone, Alia Bhatt and Karan Johar that I didn’t already know. Or nothing that I wanted to know. Except that Johar has private Whatsapp conversations with Padukone’s fiance Ranveer Singh, which from what we gathered from the secret smiles, was proof of a secret crush that Johar harbours for Singh.

Well, good for them.

What happens to that crush after Singh weds Padukone? We weren’t told. In fact, we weren’t even told about the Ranveer-Deepika wedding which, coincidentally, was announced hours before Padukone appeared on the premiere of the new season of Koffee With Karan. Padukone flatly denied any immediate marriage plans. Bhatt seemed willing to marry her man any time he wanted.

So, what’s new?

What do I say about the naughty banter among the threesome? Except that the audience was not invited to the party. We felt like complete outsiders as Johar, Padukone and Bhatt spoke animatedly about men that they were interested in and the parties that they recently attended, and about the parties that they attended with the men they were interested in.

They also spoke about the “elephant in the room”. I got that one. Since I know Padukone dated Bhatt’s current beau Ranbir Kapoor (do I get the hamper for guessing this one?), I don’t know if Kapoor enjoyed being called an elephant. But we were told what he did enjoy — prying into people’s phones and reading their messages.

Curiously, all the three participants in the tete-a-tete seemed okay with Kapoor’s prying mentality.

A lot of time on the show was spent deconstructing pictures posted on Instagram by the two ladies, which is not the best way to spend over an hour with two of the most popular and talented actresses today. The platform was being used for a kind of Whatsapp banter where the incidents and jokes were distinguishable only to the people on-screen.

It was like a home movie being watched by thousands. We know Johar is very close to most of those who matter in the entertainment industry. But the next time he plans a holiday for Ranbir-Alia and Ranveer-Deepika, could he bring us on board after the holiday so we can share in the excitement?

Right now it felt like we were eavesdropping on a conversation that didn’t prove as tantalising as it promised to be.