India-Pakistan Asia cup final: Top 10 house party survival tips for fans of both countries

Dubai: There are cricket matches, and then there are India vs Pakistan matches. The former are sporting contests; the latter are full-blown cultural festivals disguised as games. Friendships are tested, snacks like samosas and kebabs demolished, and WhatsApp family groups set ablaze. For those who don’t want to emerge from the Asia Cup finals this evening with frayed nerves, broken relationships, or a sore throat, here’s your lifestyle-approved, tongue-in-cheek survival guide.

1. Wardrobe wisdom

Resist the urge to drape yourself like a human flag. Unless you’re in the stadium itself, wearing your team’s jersey in your living room is just inviting unnecessary drama. Stick to neutral whites or pastels—they not only say “I’m above partisan politics,” but they also hide the sweat patches that come free with last-over anxiety.

2. Snack diplomacy if hosting house party

An Indo-Pak final is not the time for culinary one-upmanship. If you’re hosting, stock both samosas and kebabs, biryani and nihari, chai and lassi. Nothing defuses tension faster than a well-timed plate of pakoras. Think of snacks as peace treaties in edible form.

3. Social media discipline

Every fan fancies themselves as the next great cricket commentator, but tread carefully. A cheeky meme? Fine. A GIF of Abhishek Sharma or Shubman Gill winking or Shaheen Afridi or Abrar roaring? Hilarious. But a smug status update mid-game? That’s a one-way ticket to a three-day silent treatment from half your followers.

4. Scream smart

By all means, shout when your side takes a wicket. But remember: there are only so many decibels a human vocal cord can withstand. Pace yourself. Use the primal roar sparingly—say, for a last-over sixer or a match-winning LBW. Anything more, and you’ll sound like your blender on smoothie mode.

5. Relationship insurance

Mixed loyalties at home? Draft a pre-match truce. If their team wins, you do the dishes. If yours wins, you get Netflix remote rights till the next match. This way, at least one person in the household walks away with a trophy.

6. Remote control etiquette

Do not, under any circumstances, switch channels during the game. Not even to check the latest K-drama cliffhanger or the IPL promo. In an Indo-Pak final, even ads are sacred—they’re the only safe space to grab a drink, breathe, or argue over third-umpire decisions.

7. Zen mode

Between overs, try deep breathing exercises. Inhale: “It’s just a game.” Exhale: “But if we lose, my uncle will mention 1992/2007/2017 again.” Repeat until calm. Bonus: it burns at least five calories, offsetting the samosas.

8. WhatsApp silence

Mute all family groups. No one needs aunties forwarding “Good Luck, Boys” stickers just as your team drops a catch. Likewise, cousins who send laughing emojis after every wicket deserve to be archived for the duration of the match.

9. Victory dance boundaries

Celebrate responsibly. A spontaneous bhangra in your living room? Perfect. A Bollywood-inspired chest thump on your neighbor’s car? Not so much. Remember, broken windows and sprained ankles are not covered in the spirit of the game.

10. Perspective, people!

Yes, the stakes feel enormous. Yes, losing to “them” feels worse than losing to anyone else. But take a step back. Tomorrow, we’ll all be back to binge-watching the same OTT thrillers, humming the same Bollywood songs, and sharing the same AR Rahman playlists. Cricket divides for a night, but memes, music, and biryani unite forever.

So, there you have it: your foolproof 10-step lifestyle guide to surviving the Indo-Pak final. Stick to these rules, and you’ll make it through with your friendships, family ties, and voice box intact. And if all else fails, remember: the real winners of any Indo-Pak clash are always the meme creators.