Unlock deeper connections: Dive into the power of late-night conversations
At night, there’s peace and solitude, which foster vulnerability and trust
There’s some magic in the stillness of night. And that’s, apparently, one of the reasons why we are said to have far more profound conversations at night, even though it’s the time our brain is supposed to be winding down.
These night-time conversations make the best stories, as Dubai-based French expat Sarah Marynberg says. She found a partner in her best friend one night through a messaging conversation that lasted for around five hours.
In the midst of recovering from a crippling bout of Covid-19 that had left her with daily migraines, her friend stayed awake to keep her company. “It just started with sharing playlists. The conversation then moved to a rather deep discussion on music, what it means to us, and the emotions attached to old songs. It’s ironic, I had known him for over five years, but that night I really got to know him,” she says.
Two years later, they were married. It’s a story that is shared over coffees and dinners with their friends and family.
It’s tales, within tales. It took one 12am conversation with a close friend for Abu Dhabi-based Aditi Mahant to finally have the courage to quit a toxic job and switch career gears. For some, the night-time talk offered a resounding clarity that was not present during the day. Shreya Panwar, a Dubai-based expat and homemaker finally saw the glaring problems in a decade-long friendship after talking to a friend, and walked away for good.
What is it about the late hour that brings out our more reflective, contemplative side?
‘The world slows down for a while’
Usually, during the day, you’ve got a packed schedule.
As Aliyah Khan, a Dubai-based mindset coach and wellness expert explains, there’s so much to do all day. “You’ve got work; you’ve got deadlines. You’re also overwhelmed with your daily tasks. You’ve got enough on your plate; there’s no time to think about anything else. At night, there’s peace and solitude that creates a space for baring your emotions with more honesty,” she says.
There’s a lack of facades at night; most people are at their most authentic at that time, explains Khan. They’re more in touch with their emotions; they can process things easily without the anxiety of time running out. “The night feels like a long, and endless stretch, without the constraints of deadlines, or work pressures. It’s another reason why people are more open with their feelings; they’re away from the hustle and bustle of the day,” she says.
Carolyn Yaffe, a cognitive behaviour therapist from the Dubai-based Medcare Camali clinic, says, “It feels more private and personal.” It’s as if the whole world has slowed down for a while; there’s room for emotional honesty and vulnerability. Of course another reason is that people’s defences are down as they are a little tired after a long day, she explains.
It feels more private and personal. It’s as if the whole world has slowed down for a while; there’s room for emotional honesty and vulnerability. People's defences are also lowered as they are tired after a long day...
They seek that comfort and solace in different forms. As a result, the night makes them far more willing to be vulnerable. As Angelo De Guzman, a Dubai-based marketing professional explains in his own words, we're fully present at this time. "It's a kind of decompression; a process where we let go of the day's stress, allowing us to open up and connect on a deeper level," he says.
The brain gets a boost
There are several biological factors that craft this unusual cognitive atmosphere. According to research, there is much activity in the brain with regard to neurotransmitters. So, while neurotransmitters like norepinephrine, which is associated with concentration and alertness, and serotonin, linked to mood and well-being, wind down in preparation for sleep, another key player, dopamine, can also be at play.
As Sneha John, a clinical psychologist based at the Camali-Medcare Clinic, Dubai explains, our parasympathetic nervous system is far more active at night.
Our bodies are tired and ready to rest, and so the PNS allows us to enter a natural state of relaxation, receptivity and healing. "Parasympathetic activity increases during the transition from wakefulness to non-REM sleep," she adds. In fact, insomnia has been linked with low parasympathetic activity. And so, it is important to ensure the health of the parasympathetic system during the day, which enables the body to rest and recover. "The increased dopamine can extend our wakefulness, making us feel more engaged with the topic of conversation," she says.
Dopamine, which is associated with positive feelings, reward and motivation, is heightened during these late hours. This prolongs our wakefulness, and as a result we feel like participating more in conversations. Moreover, dopamine can also help in furnishing creativity and exchange of ideas, which also leads to memorable conversations, explains John.
This phenomenon was explored in the 2021 research paper, The Mind After Midnight: Nocturnal Wakefulness, Behaviuoral Dysregulation, and Psychopathology, published in the US-based National Library of Medicine, which concluded that this surge in dopamine impacts how we feel and think.
This escalation of dopamine is linked with sleeplessness. In January 2024, a study titled Dopamine pathways mediating affective state transitions after sleep loss, published, again, in The National Library of Medicine, studied the impact of sleep deprivation on our mood and behaviour. According to the study, the lack of sleep triggers a range of behaviours, including increased activity and excessive social interactions. These were linked to the dopamine activity in specific brain regions associated with decision-making and social behaviour.
So, this is another possible explanation behind why people become far more uninhibited at night. “In this environment with dopamine increases and feeling sleep deprived, our brain is keener to absorb new information. We feel more receptive to different opinions and creative insights,” says Khan.
This is all very well and magical occasionally, but both the experts warn about not letting these conversations happen too often. “It’s fine once in a while,” agrees Khan.
“However, if you keep staying awake to talk to someone, it creates dysfunction with your sleep schedule. Impaired sleep can have other disastrous effects, including irritability and problems with concentration,” she says. It can even take a turn for the worse, as lack of sleep will result in the serious imbalance of hormones in the body. Cortisol, which is the stress hormone, is fueled and the person is unable to switch off. This prompts a wide range of negative emotions, including anger, depression and disturbing thoughts.
So, strike a balance: Have these conversations once in a while, but don’t forget your sleep patterns.
‘A personal and private space’
If someone confides in you at night, it also means they’re giving you access to their private and personal time. This is another reason why talking at night feels so personal, explains Khan.
Nighttime is normally when we want to unwind by being in bed, watching something on television, or seeking any self-care routine. When a person engages in a conversation at midnight, in person, or calls through texts, it means they’re letting someone into their personal space. This, often, is an unsaid understanding that strengthens emotional attachment and relationships. “It’s why topics of discussion transition from light to serious at night. There’s more time to reflect at night, so which is why people tend to discuss more profound and deep topics. As the conversation continues, people feel more ready to show their fragility and vulnerability,” she says.
This particular fragility and vulnerability can have the power to repair severed relationships. Hannah Edwards, (name changed on request), a Dubai-based British expat, remembers how just one night brought her closer to her estranged mother. “I’ve been living with my father, since I was six. I would only see my mother once a year, and she would just send letters and gifts on my birthday. She was married and lived in London, so I never felt close to her. I actually had no emotion towards her,” recalls Edwards. However, when her mother visited Edwards on her nineteenth birthday, the two spent two days together. Slowly, the bitterness of the past was put to rest.
“I think, in one night, all that indifference mixed with anger that I had towards her, vanished. We just kept talking, speaking about the years that had passed. I finally stopped blaming her for the breakdown of her marriage with my father, and slowly learned to be happy for her,” says Edwards, who is now 32. “Now, we have a closer mother-daughter relationship. After that one night, we just kept working on our relationship and healing our pasts,” she says.