The Instagram Rich List is here. Topping the tree is the first person in history whose transition to billionaire status is being awaited like a royal pregnancy, Kylie Jenner.
Jenner is credited, among other things, with single-handedly creating the market for dermal fillers — something she may have recently single-handedly dismantled after deciding to get rid of her lip enhancements.
With the capacity to spawn entire economic sectors in her wake, Jenner can reportedly charge $1 million (Dh3.7 million) per sponsored post.
Lower down, Selena Gomez is supposed to be worth $800,000 per post, Cristiano Ronaldo $750,000, Jenner’s half-sister Kim Kardashian $720,000, with Beyonce pulling up in fifth at $700,000.
The curve is steep, mind. By the time you’re down to number 75, David Chang, a chef with a million followers, you’re looking at a mere $1,300 per post. Still, these people are clearly doing something right. So how can we all use the strategies of these lucrative influence node-folk to improve our own tiny social media worlds?
Rule 1. Use your child as a prop
See Italian fashion blogger Chiarra Ferragni’s (at no 29, $19,000) baby wearing Moschino letter-prints for reference, liked more than 900,000 times.
If you’re in football, an easy few million likes can be had by dressing your kids up in national strips, be it Messi (no 9, $500,000) or Neymar (no 8, $600,000) . Or take inspiration from Gareth Bale (no 13, $185,000), who put his daughter in Welsh national dress for St David’s Day .
Rule 2. Wear a serious amount of make-up
Instagram’s endless make-up artists form the caking agent around which much of the rest of modern selfie culture bonds. The key is to layer it on so that you look like a Goya painting of yourself. For something a little different, why not paint a sunset on to your forehead like James Charles (no 46, $9,750)?
Rule 3. Work on your ‘Jet Shot’
The exotic locales are important, yes. But the transition shot is the gold standard — in the luxe white leather seat, gazing dreamily out of the plane window in a way that suggests the golden age of air travel isn’t over, it just upped its price bracket. Italian lothario Gianlucca Vacci (no 34, $16,750), and twinkly-eyed YouTube twonk Logan Paul (no 33, $17,000) agree. Can be reconstructed on Ryanair if you get the exit row seats and shoot in black and white, at an oblique angle, from the overhead bins.
So there you go — if hanging around first class in your pants and some creative make-up cradling a toddler in a Juventus strip doesn’t earn you some money, nothing will.