As those of us in relationships know, it can be very demanding to keep all the Venus and Mars stuff in check to maintain sweet harmony. To make sure I don't rock the boat at home I don't tend to share as much of this stuff with my friends as I used to. But after recently sharing with my buddies and learning they've found themselves in similar situations, I feel compelled to tell you guys about it and risk the consequences.
My boys were chatting about the different situations that create stress with their significant others. I've noticed that I often get into situations where I seem to unknowingly communicate that ‘something is wrong'.
I make this mistake the moment I walk into my apartment before I'm aware that I have even said anything. If I do say something seemingly random, it just compounds my other half's feeling that indeed ‘something is wrong'. This then leads to a few moments of silence, which some would describe as ‘awkward' but not nearly as awkward as the conversation that follows.
I am a modern man and an advocate of talking things through, but the most difficult conversation to hold is the one where I have to face the question, "What's the matter, I know there is something wrong", when there's actually nothing wrong at all.
In my experience, I think that it would be easier for me to convince my loved one that I had spent the day on the moon, than to explain that truly, madly, deeply there is in fact nothing wrong. I just feel that at that moment I am under such scrutiny that no matter what I say, it will never be the right thing. Even if I offered to peel off my own skin to prove that I was absolutely fine, it wouldn't be enough.
From a woman's perspective, I guess she'd be feeling that somehow I cannot say what's wrong because it's so deep and intense, and that I'm being all manly and holding back the truth.
In the quest to convey that everything is really fine and dandy, and feeling pressure to choose my words carefully, I will admit that maybe I choose the wrong option from my short range of emotions. What I hope comes out as heartfelt and calm actually comes out as exasperated and condescending and even more like ‘the something (she thinks is) wrong' is something really big.
This then leads to the impossible straight-jacket position of having to face the, "I can tell that something is on your mind". When I feel that I'm trapped on that untenable ledge, something is indeed wrong. And my irritation rises at not being able to tell the truth to defuse a situation that never was a situation until it became a situation!
I found that sharing this with my mates I received full agreement, but as always we found no solution.
Anybody out there want to advise me?
Wrongs-Not-Making-a-Right-ingly Yours
