Many people don’t get to manage a household budget until they tie the knot. But with this new responsibility, they also have to handle their spouse’s expectation and financial-planning tactics — or lack thereof. This can complicate matters to say the least.
The dilemma of the newly wed is often twofold. First, they have to be able to manage their money effectively while dealing with financial matters that perhaps were not previously considered if they earlier lived with their family or received financial support from them.
Second, they must align their money-management strategies in a way that meets and satisfies their expected lifestyle without feeling like one person is overly controlling of the other’s ability to make compromises or small splurges.
This is a fine line that is being walked every day by couples around the world — and unfortunately it is often hard to manage. Statistics show that financial problems are often among the top causes of divorce. These financial problems don’t necessarily mean that these couple lack money, but rather they fail to manage money together appropriately.
What can one do to avoid such a fate? It is all about communication, setting agreed priorities and making sure that any problems are handled as early as possible and before they spiral out of control. Here are a few points to keep in mind.
Set a budget
Many people refer to their budget but they don’t actually have a budget in place. If you’re one of those who have never had a budget, getting married is a good time to get one in place. If you’re computer savvy, get a software program to help you, but in reality a piece of paper or a spreadsheet can be sufficient. Track down your expenses and income, and make sure that you’re aware of your disposable income. If you were never responsible for a household, you may be surprised at how much miscellaneous expenses like utilities and housekeeping can cost you — yes, laundry detergent, light bulbs and toilet papers cost money.
Talk
Get your spouse involved in this budget exercise. Regardless of how you feel about being open about financial matters, remember that people are more likely to be reasonable and cooperative if they know the background for requests. Sharing as much as you can with your spouse about your joint financial resources and your concerns should help you both make decisions and stick with solutions even if they are not very popular. It is also an opportunity for your spouse to open up and feel comfortable talking about money, if this was never part of your discussions before.
Keep communication lines open whenever a major change – positive or negative – is likely. Are you looking to buy a new car? Having a baby? Got a pay raise? Work together on how to manage your money in a way that takes into consideration the priorities of each person.
Break bad habits
Whether bad habits are a result of immaturity or inexperience, work together on breaking them or at least recognising them in an attempt to take action. Identify what these habits are and get your spouse to agree on working on them — without finger pointing or continuous blame game. If you can’t commit to your financial goals and your behaviour continues to get in the way to scoring any progress, working with a financial planner can be helpful in making both of you feel accountable and committed. Having a third party can help you both stay on track and benchmark your progress. The good news is that once good habits are established, it may be hard to reverse them — even if you get slightly derailed.
Rania Oteify, a former Gulf News Business Features Editor, is a Seattle-based editor.
