Imagine this: A colleague you barely know casually mentions dreaming about you. It’s a rather vivid, bizarre dream where both of you were cooking an elaborate lunch of steaming fish and chicken curries, while simultaneously typing on excel sheets? Spoiler alert, the dream ends with a burnt apple pie and the boss yelling at you on the phone.
Abu Dhabi-based Anousheh Singh had this dream, and as she says, ‘she made the mistake’ of telling the colleague about it. Cue, expressions of confusion, bewilderment and the colleague never spoke to her again. On the other hand, if your romantic interest tells you that they dreamed of sitting next to you and watching the sunset, your heart might skip a few beats.
So back, to the question, is it a really good idea to tell someone you dreamed about them? Or, perhaps, you should just keep it to yourself?
But wait, why do we dream about people at all?
Agatha Montgomery, a Dubai-based clinical psychologist, explains why we dream about people in the first place, be it our loved ones or just casual acquaintances. “Our dreams often spotlight the people who occupy our lives, whether through frequent interaction or emotional connections," she explains. The frequency of the dreams might vary, nevertheless, they reflect our subconscious grappling with intricacies of our relationships and experiences. "So, even if it is rather awkward dreaming about a colleague, it’s probably because you just met them during the day. Dreams can mean many things, and this might just be an indication that your professional life is always on your mind. You need to observe the patterns and dynamics in the dream, it could reflect your relationship with them,” she says.
Sometimes, dreams are also filled with people that you have unresolved conflicts with, explains Letizia Mugnai, a Dubai-based clinical psychologist and psychotherapist at OpenMinds Psychiatry, Counselling and Neuroscience Center. You find yourself saying things to them in the dream that you won’t say in person, explains Montgomery. In others words, dreams provide an outlet for processing complex emotions.Moreover, as she says, people who hold emotional significance for us, whether they are loved ones or acquaintances, are more likely to appear in our dreams. Our subconscious mind often processes unresolved feelings, conflicts, or memories through dreams.
Layla Youssef, an Abu Dhabi-based clinical psychologist draws upon Austrian psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud’s work The Interpretation of Dreams to explain the various layers of a dream. Freud argued that dreams carry a taboo, a sense of moral transgression. These dreams are ‘disguised fulfilments of repressed wishes’. When we sleep, our defences lower, allowing these primal urges to surface in the form of wish fulfillment. However, to protect our rest, the mind acts as a censor, disguising these desires in symbolic and often perplexing imagery.
He describes the two ‘levels’ of a dream as manifest and latent content.
Manifest content: It is the literal storyline of a dream. These are the images, events, and characters you consciously remember upon waking. For instance, dreaming about arguing with a partner is a clear example of manifest content.
Latent content: This implies the hidden meaning behind the dream, often symbolic and emotional. It's the subconscious message trying to be conveyed. The same dream about arguing with a partner might symbolise underlying insecurities or unmet needs in the relationship. If you dream about a friend that you haven’t spoken to in years, it could meaning a yearning for reconciliation, or a desire to finally attain a closure to unresolved feelings.
Nevertheless, there is no particular dream dictionary, adds Youssef. It would be far too simplistic to say that just because you dreamed of your boss, it indicates your own ambition and drive. Such dreams could have complex symbolism, even implying fear of authority or inability to let go of your professional life. According to Freud’s own theory, the unconscious mind employs ‘dream-work’ to disguise the latent content of a dream, creating the manifest content that we actually remember.
This particular ‘dream-work’ could include condensation, where number of dream elements are combined into one. For instance, your boss and your mother are having a picnic at the park (yikes!). It could also mean ‘displacement’, where a dream seems to be about one thing, but could actually be about something else.
Youssef adds, “Dreams are intensely personal, complicated visions of pictures and objects that scientists are still trying to comprehend. Most of the time, they don’t even follow a logical or coherent sequence; they are often raw representations of our desires, need for wish fulfilment, perhaps a desperation to rewrite your past. They could also be signs of greater complications that a person needs to work through. At its best, these are representations of feelings and unprocessed emotions,” she adds.
And everyone has dreams, so perhaps that’s why in certain cases, sharing such intimate and personal parts of yourself with another person, who is close to being a stranger, might come across as rather awkward. Their first reaction would be, “Why are you dreaming about me at all?”
So when can you tell someone that you dreamed about them?
Well, it depends on several factors, according to the psychologists. According to Mugnai, it depends on the nature of the dream and the relationship you have with the person. So, telling your close friend that you dreamed that both of you were karaoke singing with the Korean boy band BTS, it’s perfectly normal and acceptable. On the other hand, telling your colleague that you dreamed that they pushed you into a snake pit, might invite several worried looks, to say the least.
As Montgomery and Mugnai explain, quite often, when you share dreams with close friends, it deepens the sense of intimacy. Dreams tend to reveal our deepest thoughts, fears, and desires. So, revealing a dream to someone, requires a level of vulnerability that builds trust and intimacy.
Dreams also evoke strong emotions, perhaps, even the seemingly simplest ones, which could include just two of you spending the day together. Some may have a particularly wholesome, bittersweet quality about them, as Abu Dhabi-based Cindy Lin, a Thai expat and corporate communications manager, recalls. She says, “My best friend lives in another country, halfway across the world, and we only meet once in two years. So often, I have dreams of just doing the most mundane things with him, like shopping for groceries, or trying out new restaurants. I keep telling him about the dreams. We laugh about it, and it really makes me feel lighter. I think, I just miss him so much.”
If the dream was pleasant and the person was featured in a positive or supportive role, sharing this can be a nice gesture. It might make the person feel good to know they had a positive impact on you, even in your subconscious. If the dream was neutral or didn’t have significant emotional weight, it might not be necessary to bring it up unless the context is relevant....
There can be magic in the mundane: In this case, letting your close friend know that you dreamed of them, doing the most ordinary things, makes them realise just how important they are to you.
On the other hand, if you dreamed about your close friend or partner abandoning or just hurting you in some way, it might be important to share those feelings with them, adds Montgomery. This could be a representation of some deep-rooted fear from your past, aggravated by something that they might have just said in jest.
She also adds that sharing pleasant, neutral dreams can often be a pleasant conversation-starter, especially people with whom you aren’t entirely familiar with. Both of you might get a few laughs in, and you could just build a close friendship with the person. Carolyn Yaffe, a Dubai-based cognitive behaviour therapist explains that there can be an emotional release, when we share dreams. It provides clarity and relief from anxiety and distress. Moreover, confiding in your friend about dreams provides opportunities for fresh insights. "Others may have different perspectives or interpretations that can help the dreamer understand underlying issues or themes in their life," explains Yaffe.
And so, sometimes, when you share a dream, it can create a sense of validation. The dreamer realises that their experiences and feelings have been acknowledged by others.
However, when dreams are negative, or have a particular haunting, disturbing, or even embarrassing quality about them, perhaps it’s best to keep it to yourself, explains Youssef. It could make another person uneasy or worried. Moreover, people can project their own assumptions, oversimplify or even discourage your dreams, too, which feels more jarring. It can attract unwanted attention or scrutiny. "Sharing such dreams might lead to misunderstandings or discomfort. It’s often best to address any issues or emotions from the dream through more direct and constructive communication rather than mentioning the dream itself," adds Mugnai. Ultimately, to share your dream is a personal choice. Trust your gut feeling. If you’re hesitant, then it’s probably best to keep your dreams to yourself.
