How to keep your cool during festive family visits — and still be the favourite relative: 10 tips

There’s always a story behind Christmas photos. You see everyone sitting around in knitted red and green sweaters, laughing and cheering with a cup of hot chocolate. Oh, so cosy.

And yes, it is cosy. Don’t get me wrong. But what the photos don’t show is the frantic, manic prep behind the scenes: the house turned upside down when relatives arrive, old family feuds bubbling under polite smiles, or navigating awkward questions while running around to make sure the food hasn’t burned. (Spoiler: sometimes it does.)

So here’s our annual survival guide for getting through the holidays without losing your cool or your sanity — and keeping your well-meaning relatives happy too.

Master the strategic nod

Sometimes, the best response isn’t a response at all. When your cousin launches into their latest life lecture or someone decides to critique your career choices for the fifteenth time, just nod, smile, and sprinkle in a polite ‘Hmm, interesting.’  This subtle maneuver lets you appear attentive while your brain quietly plans your next move — usually toward the dessert table. A strategic nod is versatile: It works during debates about politics, food choices, fashion disasters, or anything else your relatives feel compelled to share. Remember, no words are sometimes the loudest message.

The escape room technique

Holiday gatherings can feel like long, intricate mazes. That’s why you need an exit strategy for every scenario. Bathroom breaks, ‘helping’ in the kitchen, checking on the roast, or pretending to hang lights are all valid mini-escapes. The idea: Recharge your sanity without drawing attention to your temporary retreat. Think of it as a mini-game: Enter the room, survive awkward conversations, scuttle away when tension rises, then return just in time to collect cookies. The ability to slip away gracefully is a skill every holiday veteran masters.

Small talk for the win

Not every conversation has to be a debate or a life-altering discussion. In fact, during family gatherings, small talk is your best defense against drama. Compliment the tree, the food, or even the table decorations. Ask about books, shows, or hobbies — anything neutral that keeps conversations flowing without tension. Avoid topics like politics, finances, or lifestyle choices unless you’re prepared to enter a full-blown argument. A simple question like, ‘Did you try the new holiday recipe?’ can redirect energy and prevent relatives from spiraling into lectures. Small talk is not meaningless; it’s a shield and a sanity-preserving weapon.

Tune into laughter

Every relative has their quirks — the person who rants about conspiracy theories, the cousin obsessed with obscure social media trends, or the aunt and uncle who critique everyone’s cooking. Instead of groaning internally, treat these moments as live comedy material. Mentally narrate their eccentricities, note their patterns, and, if safe, share lighthearted jokes with like-minded family members. Seeing humor in the chaos can transform frustration into entertainment. Laughter has a remarkable power: it diffuses tension, lightens the mood, and even makes awkward interactions enjoyable.

Dessert is a weapon

Never underestimate the power of sweets. Chocolate cake, cookies, gingerbread, or even a poured cup of hot chocolate can turn tensions into peace treaties. Food can serve as both distraction and icebreaker, offering everyone a chance to pause their debates or lectures. Handing out desserts strategically can shift moods, foster temporary truce, and even earn you extra brownie points (pun intended) in the family hierarchy. Remember, in a room full of relatives, food is diplomacy.

Boundaries, folks

It’s easy to feel guilty for needing a break, but boundaries are essential for surviving holiday chaos. Excuse yourself for a walk, declare a ‘quiet reading hour,’ or politely step away from a heated discussion. Boundaries are not rude; they are self-care disguised as subtle rebellion. Being upfront about your needs protects your mental well-being and ensures you remain pleasant rather than simmering with frustration. Practising boundaries might feel awkward at first, but it quickly becomes second nature. Relatives will adapt, and you’ll return to the festivities refreshed and composed and ready to face criticism about your apple pie.

Choose your battles

Not every comment, opinion, or critique needs a rebuttal. Some battles are simply not worth engaging in, and the key is knowing which ones to ignore. Whether it’s a lecture about career choices, fashion, or personal life, sometimes the silent smile is more powerful than words. Engaging unnecessarily only prolongs stress, whereas letting certain things slide preserves your energy and mood. Over time, this approach allows you to stay centered and even enjoy the quirks that previously drove you nuts. In short: pick wisely, laugh quietly, and conserve your energy for moments that truly matter — like dessert.

The real survival game

Family gatherings often operate like mini ecosystems, and finding your allies can make all the difference. Stick with siblings, cousins, or relatives who understand your coping strategy. Share inside jokes, vent quietly, and even plan small diversions to relieve tension. The support network acts like a lifeboat in the middle of a social storm: it allows you to laugh, survive, and enjoy moments amidst the chaos. Strategic alliances aren’t manipulative; they’re survival tactics. By identifying your fellow “holiday navigators,” you’ll have both entertainment and sanity on your side, making even the most challenging interactions bearable.

Remember why you’re here

Amid all the veiled jabs, fights and unsolicited advice, the holidays are ultimately about love, connection, and tradition. Yes, the rants might stretch your patience, and critiques might test it further, but these moments are part of what makes family gatherings memorable, (yes, I'm afraid so. Don't blame me, I don't make the rules).

Focusing on shared laughter, festive rituals, and the warmth of being together helps keep perspective. In the end, these imperfect, messy, and sometimes maddening interactions are the memories you’ll cherish — often with a cup of hot chocolate in hand, laughing at yourself and everyone else.