On this Eid, I send a prayer for all who have lost love and lost faith in love

There is no pain worse than losing a loved one. There is no pain worse than losing a loved one to death. In a world full of things that are bad and ugly and agonising and brutal, there is merely one constant that has more power than all that human beings have difficulty dealing with, have the courage to fight with for long, and faced with which hope vanishes and despair sets in. Death. The only inevitability that is impervious to the power of the highest human intellect, all scientific advancements, medical breakthroughs and technological progress, death is the biggest reality check–any day, any time, anywhere, for any and every one who has ever left a human womb to live and age.

Having lost my younger brother, one of my three siblings, in March 2019, I’ve gone through, and am still living through the pain the kind of which I had only read about in books, seen in movies. I lost my mother in 1999, but somehow, the pain of losing my youngest sibling has shattered my heart in a way I know I will never be whole again. It is pain that is constant, it is pain that does not seem to ease with time, it is pain that makes me wish to curl deep within me, never to open my eyes again. But I do. For my son whom I love more than life. And for my sister and niece and nephew who are more than family to me. The only way to deal with pain that threatens my sanity is to have a resetting of perspective on life every second of the day, every day. Life is now. Life is this very moment. And life is all those whom I love and who love me.

My gratitude for all that is here, and all that is good, and all that shall be good, and all that is beyond my control is constant. There is not a single good thing I’m not grateful for, and there is never a day when I do not thank my Creator for blessing me with so much that is glorious and beautiful. In the form of love that matters, in the shape of everything that my son is, without whom I don’t exist, in the faces of my loved ones who make everything alright, there is so much to be thankful for, and there is never a moment when I forget that.

Sitting upright in my bed after fajr prayers on this Eid day, as I try to clear my head, full of fragmented memories and a chronic ache that for years has been a reminder of some things being beyond the effect of dawa and dua, I’m thinking about all those who are in pain, around me, away from me, those I know, those who mean a great deal to me, those I barely know, and those who are unknown to me. I’m thinking about all who live with a sense of loss every day of their lives. I’m thinking about all who suffer in some way, broken with the constant effort to survive. I’m thinking about all those who live without much, but pain shadows every moment of their bleak existence. I’m thinking about all those who have everything in the superficial sense of the word, but have demons that haunt their sleep every night. I’m thinking about all who cry, hiding their tears from everyone, or in full view of the world. I’m thinking about the only thing I can do for them. Pray.

A prayer

On this Eid, I pray that all those who have lost a loved one may find solace. In the wars that are raging all over the world, in the displacement because of those wars, in acts of terrorism, in acts of premeditated or random violence; due to poverty, disease, lack of medical care; in famines, floods, hurricanes, earthquakes; in an act of self-harm, suicide, all those who are no longer in this world. For all those whose tears flow for a deceased loved one, I send a prayer.

On this Eid, I pray that all those who have gone missing come home. Kidnapped children, disappeared dissidents, missing teenagers, vanished-without-a-trace adults, may they all be reunited with their families. The pain of not knowing the fate of a loved one is like a jagged knife that stabs deeps and leaves a wound that never heals. For all those waiting for the news of a missing family member, I send a prayer.

On this Eid, I pray for all those who wish to give their loved ones a better life, or who wish for betterment in their own life. In a world marked with unquantifiable poverty and misery of billions who barely make enough for mere survival, in a world of a few men who own more than half of the world’s wealth, in a world where most human beings die hoping for just a little more, there is much that needs to change. For all who live for that change, I send a prayer.

On this Eid, I pray for cessation of bloodshed all over the world, for all wars to end, for all battles of local, regional and global hegemony to end in peace. For all the displaced, the wounded, the grieving, the refugees, I send a prayer.

On this Eid, I pray for every child of the world to be safe, happy, healthy, and everything a child should be. For every child to be protected and loved, I send a prayer.

On this Eid, I pray for all kinds of animal cruelty to end. May we be good to animals that give us unconditional love, and free those who are not meant to be caged. For all animals to be treated with sweetness and love, I send a prayer.

On this Eid, I pray for people of all countries to have peace and prosperity, individual and collective. For a world that is united for all that is good, I send a prayer.

On this Eid, I pray for peace, prosperity and wellbeing of my country, my beloved Pakistan. May all of us be good for our country, and may our country be good for us. For my Pakistan to be more than its potential and promise, I send a prayer.

On this Eid, I pray for hope and love for all whose hearts have been broken. To feel lonely is to be human, but long-time aloneness is against the very human-ness of ordinary mortals, and that is literally everyone in the world. For all who lost love, and lost faith in love, I send a prayer.

On this Eid, I pray for my son. I pray for my family, friends, all those I love. May I never see anyone of you in pain ever, and may your prayers never go unheard.

And on this Eid, I pray that my brother is in a beautiful place, smiling, hugging my mother and grandmother... Rest in peace and love and happiness, my beautiful baby brother, Babar