Highlights
- A new study, based on two experiments, kicked up results that stumped researchers.
- It shows most people don’t know when to stop talking.
- Behavioural scientists showed evidence of the propensity of people to yak away.
- The results also show a sort of departure from the previously-accepted differentiation of personality types, the role of introversion and extroversion in the ability to converse.
- It turns out that chattiness lurks in everyone — regardless of personality type — but few people are willing to admit not knowing when to keep quiet.
Dubai: Do you know when to shut up when talking to someone? And how do you know when your conversation buddy already wants you to stop talking?
These are some of the important questions researchers tried to answer in two recent experiments. It’s a established fact that social connection is key to physical and mental well-being, especially in these COVID times.
Overdoing it
And having a good conversation is the main route to that end. But it turns out many of us overdo it. In new experiments, behavioural scientists led by Harvard University’s Adam Mastroianni showed evidence of the propensity of people to yak way. The results show, for one, that chattiness is not really just one characteristic of certain personality types.
The study points to a departure from dominant thinking which often described talkativeness as nothing more than a personality trait, especially among extroverts (who are known for having great conversation skills).
How was the study done
The two studies kept tabs of more than 1,000 conversations in two settings: face-to-face or online, in order to gauge the estimation people engaged in a conversation have of each other.
Specifically, they measured how people feel about the length of time a particular conversation should last. The conversants were asked report two things:
- Mark when they had wanted a conversation to end
- Estimate when their partner (who was an intimate in Study 1 and a stranger in Study 2) had wanted it to end.
Do people really talk too much?
The results were published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PLos USA) on March 1, 2021. What the researchers found stumped them: Most people don’t know when to stop talking. “(C)onversations almost never end when anyone wants them to!” the authors wrote.
Another curious fact: the average discrepancy between desired conversation time and actual durations was roughly half the duration of the conversation.
In the past, behavioural scientists didn’t know much about how a conversation starts, how it unfolds, or how it ends. Most research about conversations were done by linguists or sociologists.
And previous studies on conversations done by psychologists focussed on how it tackled other things — such as the use of words to persuade.
90% don’t know when to stop talking
In these COVID times, the authors stressed the importance of keeping social connections — through conversations. But it turns out that up to 90% of people are a very poor judge when it comes to knowing when their talking partner wishes that they shut up already.
One proof of the people’s propensity to yak away: for the most part (70%), people involved in the study — 806 online and 252 face-to-face — were clueless as to the point when their partner wanted them to stay quiet. Statistically, only 10% of people people involved the conversation experiments were dissatisfied because they were told to stop talking already.
“Whatever you think the other person wants, you may well be wrong,” Mastroianni, a PhD candidate in psychology at Harvard University, told Scientific American. “So you might as well leave at the first time it seems appropriate, because it’s better to be left wanting more than less.”
Excessive talking: How do you know?
Experts also warn that excessive talking can show up as a symptom of some mental health conditions. They cite, for example, the following:
- Pressured speech often happens as part of manic or hypomanic episodes.
- Disorganised speech can show up as a key symptom of schizophrenia
- It may also show other disorders of psychosis, along with schizotypal personality disorder.
Is talking a lot a sign of anxiety?
It can happen that social anxiety causes people to remain silent — but the reverse can also be true, i.e. that it causes people to talk too much, say psychologists. Anxiety can also cause people to ask self-soothing questions about what will happen next.
How much is "a lot", or "too much"? It doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone. Sometimes, people might also say you talk "too much" simply because they don't like what you have to say. It's also a fact that not everyone enjoys conversing with others, so some people consider even a few sentences too much. Others who love a good story might happily listen to anything you want to share.
Compulsive communication
There’s a whole body of research on what is known as “talkaholism”. For example, an earlier study, published in 2009 study, points out that while many people consider talkativeness a positive trait, some people take communication a bit too far. The researchers described this pattern as “compulsive talking” or “talkaholism,” outlined in few key signs:
- Talking a lot, often more than anyone else, in most situations
- Struggling to talk less, even while working, during school, or at other key “quiet” times
- Recognising that you talk a lot, generally because others have told you so
- Finding it hard to stay quiet, even when continuing to talk poses problems for you
Are you a compulsive talker?
Another research conducted by Robert Bostrom and Nancy Harrington in 2009 suggests some “compulsive talkers” may exhibit the following:
- Fail to realise they talk excessively
- Tend toward argumentativeness
- Have a habit of taking over conversations
- Care little about criticism or negative remarks from others
Want to live longer? Engage in 'small talk'
Talking, when done at the right amount, can be therapeutic or life-extending. "Smalltalk" has proven to help improve overall health, a previous study on 6,5000 people showed.
It’s well established that isolation shortens lives — but experts were not sure if the real culprit was the pain and stress of loneliness, as opposed to a lack of social connectedness. Psychologists have untangled the two factors. Their discovered that even superficial contact with other people may improve our health.
The 2013 study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS) surveyed 6,500 people aged 52 or older about their social contacts and experiences of loneliness. After seven years, the researchers led by Andrew Steptoe of University College London, followed up to see who had died.
What a previous study found:
- Social isolation can be toxic for your health
- People rated as “highly lonely” seemed to die at a higher rate than those with low or average scores. This difference, however, disappears when taking into account a person's health.
- Greater social isolation came with an increased incidence of death: 21.9% of people ranked as highly isolated died compared with 12.3 percent of less isolated people.
- 26%: Increase in risk of early death from high social isolation (after factoring in health and other demographic factors, this difference amounted to a 1.26-fold increase in mortality associated with high social isolation).
- The findings suggest that even brief social contact that does not involve a close emotional bond — such as small talk with a neighbour or a bus driver — could extend a person's life.
The findings suggest that even brief social contact that does not involve a close emotional bond — such as small talk with a neighbour or a bus driver — could extend a person's life.
• Pyschologists point out that one of the best manifestations of emotional intelligence comes through — in what you don't say.
• A basic definition of emotional intelligence is having the ability to identify emotions in others, recognise the impacts, and use that to inform and guide your own behaviour.
