“No one can limit you unless you put limits on yourself,” says mum-of-three Mishal Muneeb.
The expat came to the UAE when her first child was nine months old. “By profession, I am a doctor and I was working in my home country for six years in that field. When I came here, I had to leave my job.
“In my first pregnancy, I was in Pakistan and my husband was here. I was in a full-time job. I remember during my whole pregnancy I was doing my clinical practice. And for delivery, I took 40 days off and after that, I re-joined my job. During the next nine months, I used to take my kid with me to work. When I came here, I had my second kid. My first one was a very late talker; he started talking after he was two and a half years old. He was less responsive – some babies just are like that. It was challenging for me, because he wasn’t able to understand anything.
“Then I had a third child, and it was COVID-19 times. With the third pregnancy I had gestational diabetes, anaemia, iron deficiency, etc.”
Through it all, Muneeb knew she wanted to work. She had come too far, had put in too much effort into her education to just give up. So she began to try to land administrative jobs and jobs in schools, and when that didn’t work, she began to blog and work on social media. Today she consults as a social media content creator and strategist, and calls herself an influencer; her handle, mom_trending, has an Insta-following of 21,000.
“I wanted to just convey that – we mums can do something, it’s just that we need to try. And we shouldn’t get disheartened by what’s happening in life,” she says.
Muneeb admits that she wasn’t always this strong – she was scared of the unknown. But, she says, all that changed when she had a child. “I feel like when you have a child, you get positive energy. I did.”
As an expat living away from her home country, Muneeb says, she learned quite soon that she’d need to toughen up, to manage it all on her own. She adds: “Without a supportive partner and children, it wouldn’t be possible.”
“My kids are very supportive – I try to keep them with me all the time and they also support me fully. And the things I’m doing now, I’m only able to do because of my husband; he manages to take me [to events]. And some places I’m not allowed with my kids – he manages them. If you decide you have to do something and you don’t set boundaries, you will succeed… put in the effort, effort never gets wasted.”
A lot of women, says Muneeb, use the excuse of family responsibility to weigh them down. “Women here are very educated, they can do a lot. We have to generate our own resources. We have to think about what we can manage with kids. Try to be an inspiration for yourself, try to do something for yourself. Try to look at what are the problems and how can you fix it,” she adds.
What it all adds up to is having resilience – the ability to bounce back from any setbacks. And the good news is we can grow the skill. The American Psychological Association says on its website: “Like building a muscle, increasing your resilience takes time and intentionality. Focusing on four core components—connection, wellness, healthy thinking, and meaning — can empower you to withstand and learn from difficult and traumatic experiences.”
Here are some tips to help you channel your inner warrior mum:
1. Start from a position of power: Whether you journal or simply count your blessings on the daily, a gratitude activity will push out the negative and give you a boost of happiness. Dr Alex Korb writes in his book ‘The Upward Spiral’: “Strengthening [the gratitude] circuit brings the power to elevate your physical and mental health, boost happiness, improve sleep, and help you feel more connected to other people.”
2. Take care of you: Unless you are in a happy, healthy space, how can you be expected to be an effective caretaker? Do things that you enjoy as these will lift your spirit.
3. Focus on the now: Mindfulness exercises can not only help you stay calm but also give you perspective.
4. Acceptance is key: Change is one of the only inevitabilities of life – and while you must grieve an opportunity lost, once you have, work on moving on. Ask yourself what worked, what did not and what else you can do.
5. Don’t give up on yourself: You are your greatest support system. Look for solutions and don’t bog yourself down.
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