Every year, since 2012, the world has celebrated June 1 as the Global Day of Parents. It recognises the role they play in nurturing and protecting children. Gulf News spoke to UAE-based expats to talk about the greatest lessons their parents taught them, the ones they hope to teach their own brood. Here’s what they said:
‘Empathy is a habit that can be learned’
- Fabiha Khalid, Indian expat, and mum of two.
My mum has a high emotional quotient. She understands the notion of difference in human personalities and how different people react differently even to the same circumstance.
What stands out in our years of growing up is an incident that highlights this EQ. I remember my brother coming home and telling my mum that a new boy had joined his school and that he used ‘something funny’ to walk with. As a regular six-year-old child, he found crutches bemusing and a child using them laughable.
My mum made him sit down and had ‘the talk’ with him. She explained that this kind of picking on kids was not acceptable, neither at home nor at school.
She tried to make him understand the difficulties of walking with crutches and the courage it took to walk with them day after day after day. Mum discussed how my brother could befriend and support the new kid who had such an amazing spirit.
A couple of weeks later, I tagged along with mum when she went to pick up my brother from school. We were waiting for him at the bottom of the staircase that led to his classroom. Boys streamed down the stairway, pushing, jostling, and sliding down the hand railing.
When the barrage of young boys became a mere trickle, I complained to my mum – big brother was late. That’s when we saw him coming down the staircase holding the school bag of his new friend in one hand and supporting him with the other. All of four, I felt immensely proud of my brother.
Over the years I understood what empathy is and tried to cultivate it as a habit.
As a mother, I marvel at the successful strategy my mum used to drive home her message. Of course, there were a lot of instances where empathy was practised and preached at home, but this event always stands out for me.
Both my parents worked on drilling empathy in us. And this is one habit/characteristic I want my children to develop. There are enough people in the world who will try to bring others down, but not enough who will be empathetic.
There’s a little prayer I say with my two boys when I drop them off to school where we ask God to help us during the day. We ask Him to help us to be ‘good listeners in class, be patient, not get angry easily and let us help friends who need our help’.
Last week when we were at the playground, a child fell from the monkey bars. My kids went running to her to ask if she’s doing okay and needs help.
It makes me feel that the message is percolating.
‘Speak up, own your voice’
- Dana Alqinneh, Canadian expat, and mum of two
My parents were a huge source of learning and inspiration for me. They have always supported my life decisions -- the good and the bad -- and used them as the perfect 'teaching moments.'
I've often reflected back on what lessons they taught me about family, life and values that I would definitely want to pass down to my own children to insure they're given the best possible opportunity to flourish, which let’s be honest, is ultimately every parent’s goals.
The one lesson that I believe has truly defined me as a person as I navigated every phase in my life is, never being afraid to speak up. This included showing gratitude and appreciation where needed, voicing my opinions - no matter how obscure - and in never shying away from voicing my discomforts or disagreements. Growing up, this helped me find courage in being me, in asking the hard questions, in pursing my curiosity and in being confident.
As much as I want to be the one to protect my children forever, I know that I must set them up to do it themselves if I'd like for them to excel. Thus ‘owning your voice’ is the one value I would not hesitate to pass along to my own children.
‘My parents taught me to be independent’
- Liz van Graan, South African expat and mum of two
My parents taught me to be independent and that is the key factor in my children’s upbringing.
By the time I finished high school, I was able to do the small things in life such as look after myself, maintain the home, cook, file my taxes, maintain my car, and pay bills.
My dad made sure I was able to change a car tyre as soon as got my licence.
Most people learn these life skills later in life, but with guidance from my parents, I was able to walk into an adult life equipped to take on daily challenges.
My parenting style is the same, I believe we must be like a mother bird. As your child grows, you must push them towards learning age-appropriate life skills by themselves. It’s so important for children to learn these skills early on.
‘Admit your mistake and ask for help’
Romanian expat and mum-of-two Clementina Kongslund
The most important lesson is that always to admit the mistakes you have made and try to solve the problem. It’s better than hiding things so they become more complicated. It’s better to say you are in trouble and ask for help than try to fix it yourself and be overwhelmed. Parents are not there to punish but to help.
It’s better to say you are in trouble and ask for help than try to fix it yourself and be overwhelmed.
‘Teach by modelling behaviour’
- South African expat Melanie Penny, who has one daughter
That’s a difficult one for me as my parents were divorced so I didn’t get much from my father, but I would say my mum was always gracious and kind and a peacemaker, and that is a character trait I would love for my daughter to learn. It was not taught in any specific way but more just the way she lived and responded in certain situations. It is just who she is, and I think that’s the best way to learn is through the day-to-day life she lived.
‘Keep faith and persevere no matter what’
- Algerian mum-of-two Houda Ghediri
The one lesson my parents taught me is to always keep faith and persevere no matter the challenges. My parents went through a lot, but I always saw them smiling, they would always tell us that we needed to stay strong and whatever was happening would pass. My dad persevered until the last minute of his life, and I never saw him give up, even in the darkest moments. I always wondered how he could do it, how he could stay that strong. I want to convey this to my kids. Life is going be tough. They will have to go through lots of challenges. I am not always going to be there for them, and they need to learn how to navigate it, stay strong and carry on. They need to learn how to lift themselves up after they fall and that the only thing, they can’t change is death. Everything else can be solved with time. So, I am working hard to push my kids to be strong, never give up when facing setbacks, persevere and always, always remember that they are the key to their own success.
‘They taught me to be polite, helpful and welcoming’
- Vanessa Webster, Slovenian expat who is expecting twins in August
There is so much you learn from your parents during childhood, whether it’s about ambition and achieving goals, or about behaviour and how to treat others right, being friendly and open-minded.
I had a really lively and peaceful youth, and that’s probably because my parents were quite relaxed and didn’t overthink things. They allowed me to make mistakes in order to gain my own experiences and learn my own lessons.
Also, because of their different nationalities and cultures, I feel like I have learned the best from two worlds.
Now, my husband is from the UK, so our babies will also grow up with our different backgrounds, which I think is just fantastic for them.
So, I will try to pass on as much as I can, but one lesson that I appreciate the most is to be polite, helpful, and welcoming.
Whatever situation life had in store for me, with those traits I never felt lost or alone and always could make my way.
There is a lovely German quote: ‘Wie man in den Wald hineinruft, so schallt es auch heraus’, which basically means that you are treated as you treat others.
Accordingly, I will be happy if my babies, once they grow up, know how important manners, respect and politeness are. Those qualities will give them great opportunities in life.
‘Every job is important’
- Callan Siejek, a South African expat with two children
My life lesson would be every job is an important job. My family always instilled in me that no matter who you are or what you do, you are as important as the next person, so for my kids I make sure that if we go anywhere, we greet everyone with a smile and say please and thank you. If you can help someone that needs help by picking up something or helping carry something or just giving way for someone to walk through the door - I believe keeping my kids levelheaded and appreciative is very important.
‘Never give up’
-Maira Lorena, 38, El Salvadoran raised in Australia and mum
So basically, there’s one thing that they said to me that stayed in my head – and helped me so much throughout my journey – and that is ‘never give up’. Obviously, relocating to a whole new country, which I did 10 years ago, there were so many times I thought of giving up and going home, but their words gave me that drive. I think it’s quite an interesting skill to have. Whether your kids are playing sport or something else, life is never going to be a walk in the park, there are always going to be obstacles and that’s okay. But I think if you can have that mentality to never stop and just keep going, it really helps.
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