It's a good thing there's no possibility of Norwegian welfare authorities descending on India to judge child-rearing standards.
The case of the Indian couple in Norway whose children were taken away from them for alleged improper upbringing has caught everyone's attention. The Norwegian court noted that the mother, among other transgressions, force-fed her children.
If you are an Indian, you will probably be gob-smacked by this allegation. For most mothers, it is a normal procedure of getting food into small bodies bent on resisting this humane gesture out of sheer obstreperousness. Sensing how much this means to their parent, the child will try every trick in the book to stymie every move the mother makes. Towards this end, the tot will get down from his chair, run around the house and outside into the garden, convinced this is a game of ‘catch me if you can'. Not to be outdone, the matriarch will follow in pursuit. She has been thrown a challenge and is determined to win this contest. She is going to see to it that the food goes down the child's gullet even if it means trying to outrun a bundle of hyperactivity.
The little tyke will run her ragged and in circles but she will not give up. That food must go down no matter what. Images of malnourished children play in her mind.
The last thing she needs is to be accused of child neglect. She has seen pictures of tiny tots sitting in their high chairs, patiently picking at peas with a fork. To her that image is far-fetched.
Actually she cannot imagine such a scenario in real life. Are some children more train-able than others? Does it depend on upbringing or cultural mores? Do parents in other countries have more patience than her? She asks herself all these questions and comes to the conclusion that her devotion to her child cannot be questioned.
Did any of those mothers walk from room to room, plate in hand, calling out to a child who has made himself scarce? Did they bend down every now and then, peering under tables and chairs and pretending not to see their little one ‘hiding' in plain view? Did they then suddenly swoop on the young one like a bird of prey, taking advantage of the child's mouth opening in delighted laughter to spoon in a few morsels? Have they any idea of how time-consuming and exhausting this exercise can be when repeated several times a day?
Next move
I have witnessed countless mothers fighting this losing battle and have found that they are hyper-sensitive on the issue. Never make the mistake of suggesting that the child will eventually tire of running around and will come to heel. Or, even worse, do not say that there's no point in forcing them to eat and that when they're hungry, they will come to the dining table of their own accord. According to the harassed parent, obviously you don't know their child. ‘Never say die' is his motto.
She has tried ignoring his seeming aversion to food and waited for him to make the next move. In a tired voice, she will inform you that the waiting game lasted several days until her conscience wouldn't allow her to let him stay without food. Where has she gone wrong, she wonders aloud.
She goes back to her childhood and recalls her mother feeding her and her siblings from a big plate, with their mouths gaping open like fledglings as each awaited their turn. She says she has never seen her child partake of food willingly.
And then it's my turn to remember. In my mind's eye I see my friend as a girl, hiding behind a door, smiling mischievously while her mother calls out to her again and again for a meal. This gene has definitely been inherited.
