We thought that we had seen it all in our lifetimes, but apparently we have not. There is still a lot more to come that will keep us wondering what happened to the good old days and the old-fashioned ways when it comes to bringing up children.
Many of our generation came from homes where both parents worked and we thought it normal to do the same — even if we opted for part-time work for some time, took long leave to help us through the early years, or shelved some aspects of our jobs temporarily.
Of course we had to work late into the night once the baby was asleep to complete the project we were to send in by morning. And of course we were exhausted, bleary-eyed and cranky the next day. We must have snapped at everyone, including the child — but isn’t that all about the whole process of child rearing? You over-extend yourself, you try to be in a dozen places at the same time, you are constantly tired. That’s part of the deal, isn’t it?
Today, calling in the professionals seems to be resorted to and we cannot help but sit up and wonder. We have learnt to deal with surrogacy; neighbours and friends — even acquaintances — helping out when we have work commitments; nannies and maids and baby-sitters taking over when day-care is not available; car pools to give each other a rest from the endless dropping and picking up that comprises a normal day with school and tuition and sports classes.
And there are some of us who just don’t have the inclination to put together a fairy tale-themed party or a Jurassic or an X-Men one for our child’s birthday, and in order to get that picture-perfect setting and all the decorations and snacks just right, we call in the party planners.
But imagine professionals now zeroing in and giving you a list of dozens of other jobs they can do for you — like teaching your child to skateboard or ride a cycle with just the right degree of scaling up for the learner to progress through each lesson until they finally graduate to being close competition for Tony Hawke or Chris Hoy.
True, professionals are not going to get emotionally involved in the process and will not wind up screaming or blaming themselves when the child pedals off over-confidently and then falls — or will just not allow the ‘trainer’ wheels to be removed to experiment with balance and motion ...
A great loss for parents
But can calling in the professionals — where perfection is the aim and the heart stays uninvolved — be what we need? Are we taking too seriously the slogans we hear around us? Should it really be professional or nothing?
It seems to be that way.
But it could be a great loss for parents because I would not exchange anything — ANYTHING — for the fun of those hours running behind my son’s cycle, holding on, and sometimes just pretending to hold on, to make him feel confident.
As for the thrill of his re-demonstrating his football goal (when I have no idea of the game and who’s a centre forward and who’s a back), or asking me (a non-swimmer who cannot go beyond ankle deep in any water body), to rate his dive on a scale of one to ten when all he could manage was an awesome splash ... that is beyond description.
No, one does not become a power freak by wanting to do it all. Their time of need — and their childhood — is too short for that. For suddenly one day, in the midst of your overwork and exhaustion, you wake up and find your job is kind of done. The bird has flown. The nest is empty.
— Cheryl Raso is a journalist based in India.
