5 Ways to avoid spoiling your child

THE GIFT OF TIME: “Countless surveys and self-reports have shown that children simply want more quality time with parents, friends and extended family as opposed to more material items,” says clinical director and counselling psychologist at The Priory Wellbeing Centre, Tanya Dharamshi. “Adults have a tendency to pacify the guilt of not being more physically available with material items. If our children grow up learning to appreciate the benefits of spending time together with the family – completing a puzzle with grandparents or walking the dog with their siblings – they will naturally place a much greater worth on meaningful activities and life experiences.” “I think often children enjoy experiences and time with loved ones more than stuff,” says Dr Rose Logan, clinical psychologist at the Lighthouse Center for Wellbeing. “The joy of receiving stuff is short whereas experiences create memories that last much longer.”

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS: “Make it a rule to give back when we receive, be polite and courteous – holding the door open for the person behind you in the mall, reading a story to a sibling, or eating together as a family are all activities that can be incorporated into everyday life and help children to understand the true meaning of core values,” says The Priory’s Tanya Dharamshi. “Ask your kids to name something they’re grateful for every day,” suggests psychologist Nancy Shah. “Materialism comes from a state of dissatisfaction or unhappiness. If we focus on creating kids who are happy and fulfilled, by definition they won’t be materialistic.”

LEAD BY EXAMPLE: “Children need their parents to be role-models who can explain and demonstrate the importance of non-tangibles,” says Tanya Dharamshi. “We must ask ourselves if materialism is something we’re passing down to our children through our own actions – for example coveting the latest car or handbag,” agrees Dr Rose Logan. “How we behave will influence our children, no matter what we say.”

MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS SINGING FROM THE SAME SONGSHEET: “Once you have defined a behaviour you wish to change or modify, you have to agree how you are going to do this with everyone who takes care of your child,” says Dr Rose Logan. “Consistency in applying rules is the key. This may lead to tantrums and tears. Validate how your child is feeling if they are upset about the changes and then try and redirect them to something else.”

RECOGNITION NOT REWARD “It’s not a case of never rewarding a child but it’s how you do it,” suggests Joanne Jewell, educator and founder of Mindful Parenting. “If I buy something for my child it should be as a recognition for something they’ve done, never as an expectation for them doing it.”