Look within

If you grew up believing in the philosophy that life is hard, work is difficult and thankless and most days are an uphill struggle, Indian clinical hypnotherapist Dr Yuvraj Kapadia will tell you it's time you changed that view.

"The commonly held view that life is tough is flawed," he says. "Who says life must be difficult? You're supposed to enjoy life, not feel miserable about it. Life is an experience and it's supposed to be easy."

So if you agree with his pragmatic optimism, how can you change your life for the better? Dr Kapadia says the answer to his next question is crucial: At any given moment, do you want to experience love or fear? The choice is yours.

Think of hypnosis and the first image that comes to mind is of a doctor swinging a pendulum in front of his patient's face and getting into the patient's mind to help him come to terms with his innermost fears. Does that amount to being able to control the patient's mind?

Dr Kapadia, who was in Dubai on a visit, dispels such preconceived notions about hypnotherapy and hypnotherapists. First, he says, few therapists these days use the pendulum. Second, "I don't really control your mind. I can just take you into the deep recesses of your own [mind]," he says. And once a patient is in that state, the hypnotherapist can help him/her find answers to his/her questions.

The patient, therefore, is not putty in the hands of the hypnotherapist. "The conscious mind is very aware of what is happening. It's not that you are lost in la-la land." What hypnotherapy does is help you figure out your issues, he says.

Dr Kapadia is upbeat, jovial and cracks a joke every minute. He also has quite a few followers in India and Dubai who are ready to vouch for him and reel out a list of instances to prove how he has "changed lives".

Solutions lie in the problems

During a workshop in Dubai - which was packed with people ranging from lively 20-year-olds to silver-haired folk - Dr Kapadia's talk centred on choices people were forced to make. The answers to all our questions lie in the problems - "the walls" - we create around ourselves, he says. A eureka moment of sorts occurred at a seminar in Dubai when a young man confessed to being stuck in a rut at work, while admitting that laziness prevented him from searching for a job elsewhere. He also said he was happiest when he was by himself. Dr Kapadia struck home with an observation that saw the 300-plus gathering nod in agreement, "You will never sanction pain to yourself unless there is some gain."

He went on to explain to the jaded professional that he was in a rut because his job gave him the opportunity to do just what he wanted - spend time with himself. "If you have a high-pressure, challenging job, you would not have the time to spare to be in that state [where you are by yourself]."

Dr Kapadia began visiting the UAE four years ago and has trained some 80 therapists with Illuminations, a Dubai-based holistic healing company. "They are full-fledged professionals qualified to work with the human mind," he says of his team.

Parents should play a supportive role

He often asks students what is more valuable - stone or gold? Nearly 90 per cent of the class says gold. "I tell them ‘if you have to dig a hole in the ground, gold is the most useless thing to have. So focus on what you need at the moment: Do I have the resources I need to get ahead? Fear and greed are what can derail the way you function'."

Harried parents are among a growing clientele who sign up seeking answers for issues relating to their children. Psychologists have for centuries said that parents live out unfulfilled aspirations through their children. "This is where the mess starts for the child," explains Dr Kapadia. "Most parents tend to bring up their children exactly the way they were brought up, not realising that every child is [different]."

Once again it boils down to his two basic choices - love or fear. Dr Kapadia wants parents to realise that their role is supportive and not one of ownership. He sees parenting and education as interlinked, and calls on parents to trust their children. But that of course is not easy and that is exactly where the plot falls apart. "You must have the courage to back your child fully," he says. "This is where most parents fall flat because they are operating from the premise of fear.

"The whole programming to education is fear-based. A child is taught ‘if you don't learn this, you won't get a job, you won't make money and you will not be successful'. What happens is that the subconscious is filling up with fear."

If fear clouds the start of a child's journey, education fuels it. There is constant pressure to perform, because a child is told if they don't, they will fail. "What is important is listening to what your child is saying and having the confidence to invest in that with love," says Dr Kapadia.

Being driven by love can help reinvent careers or relationships. Understanding what your heart tells you to do and going ahead with it is what Dr Kapadia advocates. He talks of the negativity he faced when he decided to quit working as a stock broker and turned to hypnotherapy. People did not know what to make of his decision, so they laughed. But he did not give up because he was convinced he was just following his heart.

How hypnotherapy helps

Simply put, hypnotherapy sessions can help people get out of the trap of continually meeting expectations of family and friends. People have different dreams - a successful career, a contented family life - and Dr Kapadia says 90 per cent don't get a taste of happiness because of an innate disconnect.

"There is something that you want, but you don't get because there are several things in your life that are not being controlled by your conscious mind but by your subconscious mind."

The disconnect also makes life stressful. Hypnotherapy helps people accept the subconscious, understand it and figure out that the dichotomy that exists due to pre-existing programming from childhood.

Even after a patient understands what he must do, the hesitation to change persists simply because change is something not everybody is comfortable accepting.

People say they cannot follow their heart because they have a family and children to support, he says. But what they need to understand is that the change will help them. Dr Kapadia's self-help techniques tug at the blanket of fear people prefer to hide under. He says the key to tackling any problem is preventing fear and insecurity from ruling our reactions. Taking ownership and choosing to tackle an issue [rather than avoiding it or brushing it under the carpet] is the way to achieve happiness.

"You must come with the belief that this is my story and I can choose love. That's the basic shift I want to try and get across to people," he says.

Getting the conscious and the subconscious to believe in the same thing is the crux of what he expounds in his workshop. "That happens identically. [I want people to say] ‘I want this and I subconsciously believe I deserve it'. If a person begins to think like this, then there is nothing in the world that can stop [what he/she wants] from happening," he says. "Understand what your heart resonates to and don't worry about the perceptions of people."

The three responses

In any critical situation, Dr Kapadia says we have three responses:

• Fight it out. But that is not the ideal way. If you fight the situation, the problem comes back with a different face. Then you spend your whole life fighting either in relationships or at work.
• Accept it. This happens because you have no choice - the ‘I'm doomed, poor little me syndrome' is also not ideal.
• Empower yourself. This is the best way as it helps you understand that you are here probably because you have something to learn - this is acceptance with love. Once you get this, your life will improve.

Five keys that open new doors

•  Take complete responsibility. This is your story so stop the blame game - today. Don't curse fate.
• What is life trying to tell you? The incident you are facing could be a learning experience that could make you challenge your perceptions.
• Now that you have got the chance to decide - will you respond with love or fear?
•  Understand that every person is unique; don't measure others by your yardstick.
•  Accept that everything has its own unique value. Once you realise this you will conquer greed.