Goodbye my love

Filmmaker Mahesh Bhatt is going through a gamut of emotions, as he bids a final good bye to his former love, Parveen Babi, with his upcoming film, Woh Lamhe.

Bhatt says the streets of Mumbai are littered with memories of half-lived yesterdays. “Nostalgia is pain. The day Parveen died, I realised that despite the claims I made to myself, her memory had not withered within me with the passage of time.''

Going mad

Talking about her illness he said: “Parveen's breakdown is an old story. But I wonder if anyone could imagine what it is like to live with a person, who is going mad.''

“The morning I left Parveen's house, before it all began, comes back to haunt me. She was off to her shoot for Prakash Mehra's film... and she kissed me good-bye. Little did I know, that it was the last time, I would see her as the Parveen that I knew.

“How can I ever forget that heartbreaking image of her, when I walked in to the house that evening, and found Parveen, in makeup and a filmy costume, cowering in a corner, with a knife in her hand, shivering with fear.''

“She looked like an animal, one that I had never seen before. ‘Close the door Mahesh,' she whispered. ‘They are coming to kill us. Close the door quickly!''' Mahesh said.

Breaking into pieces

“And with those words ended my days of love and splendour, sin and passion with Parveen. I was looking into the eyes of madness and the face of death. Because the person that I knew had died, and with that our relationship, as we had known it, died too.''

Bhatt says he saw her breaking into little pieces but couldn't help her.

“Parveen's illness was genetic. The chances of her recovery were slim. It was in those terrible times, that I discovered for myself that it, is we who push the so-called ‘mentally disturbed' to commit suicide.''

Bhatt insists that psychiatrists merely force people, who have thrown in the towel, to fit into the brutal value
system.

The tape

Bhatt claims director Mohit Suri has brilliantly fictionalised everything — from Parveen's madness to the
psychiatrists' despair.

“Our attempt in this film is not just to make you grieve, but to leave an indelible memory of the essence of an exceptional woman, who lived in another time and place.''

Bhatt says writing and making movies is his way of dealing with life's darkest hours.

“Woh Lamhe has erupted from the deepest part of my being. And that part of me was triggered suddenly by Parveen's death and the subsequent discovery of a tape, which my daughter, Pooja, found in my first wife's house.

“The tape contained a letter that Parveen had recorded and sent me, in which she talked about her approaching illness, her loneliness and her need to get out of the entertainment
business. The silences between her words spoke to me more eloquently than her words did.

One night

Bhatt said that he once found Parveen missing from her bed at night and saw her weeping inconsolably under a table lamp. Her mood changed at dawn when darkness began to recede from her room, said the director.

“Suddenly, she bathed, dressed herself in a white kurta pyjama, rolled a small mat on to the carpet and did something, I had never seen her do in my three and a half years with her.

“The sight was mesmerising. Her silhouette against the glow of the morning sky, her trembling lips reciting the prayers, her tears of grief metamorphosing into fervent tears of devotion... still play on the screen of my memory.''

Bhatt, however, feels it is not an easy task to pen the experiences of life.

“When I first started to write and make movies, I felt everything could be explained. Now, I see how untrue it would be, if I claim to have been able to tell you the story of my life with Parveen Babi.