Infectious warmth of a fleece

Go ahead and pick your dumbest “As seen on TV'' product.

The Presto salad shooter that shreds veggies like they have been blasted with an AK-47? Mighty Putty, “the super-powered epoxy''? The Get-A-Grip bath handle? I have got one that makes those look like they were designed by Nasa scientists.

"This would be the Snuggie, the ridiculous “Blanket That Has Sleeves!'' featured in a goofy commercial that airs all the time now.

If you haven't seen it, picture various smiling people talking on the phone, watching TV, or working on their laptops — all while swaddled in a robe-like fleece that makes them look like a cult of blissed-out friars.

There is even a shot of Snuggie-wearers cheering and high-fiving at what could be a youth football game.

Sure, that is all you need when you are a self-conscious kid: Mum and Dad in the bleachers, wearing blankets with holes for their arms.

The commercial is so schlocky you can't take your eyes off it. Never have so many people looked so joyful about wearing a blanket. So, naturally, I had to go out and buy one.

I picked up my Snuggie — that doesn't sound right, does it? — for $14.99 at a Bed Bath & Beyond, where they were stacked on a huge pallet just inside the entrance.

Maybe Snuggies are selling like hot cakes — the seller, Allstar Products Group, says 4 million have been sold since their introduction in August.

But you could get as many as you wanted at Bed Bath & Beyond, provided you were OK with the only colour they had, a shade of royal blue not seen since the Smurfs. (The Snuggie also comes in sage green and burgundy, if you really feel like going wild.)

Oh, you can get two for $19.95, plus shipping and handling, if you order through the TV number or online.

But then I would have to wait six to eight weeks for the Snuggie to arrive.

And by that time, the Snuggie craze could be over and the staff at Allstar Products might all be working at a Denny's.

Did I mention it comes with a cheapo little book light? Well, it does.

The beam of light is so tiny that it would be helpful for night reading only if you enjoy reading one letter at a time, then taking a five-second break before going on to the next.

I should also mention that there is a picture on the box of a woman wearing a Snuggie on an aeroplane.

I am sorry but if I am on a flight and you plop down next to me in that get-up, I am changing my seat.

And notifying the air marshal. Because if you are weird enough to wear a Snuggie on an aeroplane, you are liable to do anything at 30,000 feet.

As it happens, I was actually wearing the Snuggie when my wife and 17-year-old son came home.

“You look like something out of Star Wars,'' my wife said. The boy said nothing. He just looked stricken.

After a moment or two, he went up to his room and closed the door. I couldn't blame him. Who wants to see your dad appearing as if he has lost his mind?

But I wore the silly thing while doing some of the same things they do in the commercial and what follows is my report on its function.

First of all, the Snuggie isn't all that warm. Because the fleece isn't that thick.

All in all, you would be better off with a nice sweater or a pair of sweats. Or just turn up the thermostat and take your beating from the power company.

Secondly, the Snuggie is just as much of a pain to move around with as a blanket.

It gets caught underneath you when you shift positions. It falls off your shoulders when you move around.

This is because — duhhh! — it is open in the back, just like one of those surgical gowns you wear when you go see the doctor.

In the commercial, they show a woman wearing a Snuggie in her kitchen while she stands and pours coffee.

Ha, that is a good one! In real life, the Snuggie would be falling down around her arms, and she would be cursing and getting third-degree burns from pouring hot coffee on herself.
Again, I would go with a sweater.

You don't need that kind of aggravation in your life. And you don't need the abuse you would get from the neighbours if they ever drop by and catch you in a Snuggie.
Life's too short for all that.