Creating a safe net

It’s never too early to begin educating your children on ‘net safety’ measures,’ says Cagla Ruacan. She should know - she’s the senior regional product marketing manager of Symantec, the technology company that has cornered the internet security business.

But what really qualifies her to advise on the topic is that fact that she’s mother to two children – a four-year-old boy Alp and an eight-year-old girl Duru who are already very active on the internet.

‘Alp is already using apps on his father’s phone or he sees his sister playing in the iPad and he wants to use it to,’ she sighs. ‘It’s impossible to keep children off electronic gadgets these days. So the next best thing to do would be to educate them on safe surfing. He could accidentally press a button that could take him to a link that is age inappropriate or he should not go to. So starting from that young age, to older, we need to start talking to them regularly, and depending on what age group they are we will have different topics to talk to them about.’

Cagla’s daughter Duru requires a different set of lessons on net safety, she says. ‘She’s now really interested in browsing websites and she googles things,’ says Cagla. That would be worrisome for a mother, except for the fact that ‘she loves to share with me what she is doing online, which is really important and comforting for me,’ she says.

Keeping the communication channel open between children and parents is crucial, and to be encouraged at every turn. ‘When they show you what they are doing online, you should not react very negatively or too protectively,’ she advises. ‘the very fact that they trust you enough to show you is a great thing, and you should build on it, not break it down. There are other ways of weaning them off, or showing them what is undesirable.’

In an age when children who are seven and above have email and social media accounts, constant monitoring is necessary, says Cagla. ‘My daughter doesn’t have an email, Facebook or Instagram account as yet, but she has friends who are also eight years old and have Instagram accounts!’ she says. ‘Some of my friends’ kids of the same age have FB accounts. I tell them they need to be on their daughter’s or son’s accounts friend list.’

The reason why they have to be on their children’s friend list on social media is to monitor their activity online. ‘We need to convey to them that whatever they put up online is going to be there almost indefinitely,’ says Cagla. ‘So you need to make sure that they are posting only appropriate things and at that age definitely share with their parents what they are posting. Don’t click on links that may have viruses attached to them – in other words anything suspicious at all. We need to teach them these things.’

As kids grow older, especially before teens, they become more active on social networking sites and this is when building up their trust pays off. ‘In their teenage years they may not want to have their parents as online friends, so they could establish fake accounts,’ says Cagla. ‘For such issues we have software available that can notify parents when their children are active on the network.’

But more than that what is required is teaching them net etiquette, says Cagla. ‘One of the key things we have to din into them is that they should not share any personal information online with strangers.’

Cagla advises setting time limits on their time spent surfing the net. ‘I call it time monitoring,’ she says. ‘You have to be clear about the applications they are allowed to use, talk to them about what kind of content could be disturbing and the websites that are banned on their computer. It’s a very open dialogue. That’s what I do with my daughter.’

So, what’s the right age to allow children on social media?

‘The right age would be the age social media sites legally allow memberships - to people above the age of 13,’ says Cagla. ‘In cases where they are less than 13, having that dialogue with your kids is important. If your child understands what they are supposed to do, it should be okay. Primarily, they are not supposed to talk to strangers online.’

When should a parent become wary? ‘It would depend on the kind of behavior that kids exhibit during your interactions,’ says Tamim Taufiq, territory manager, Middle East, Norton by Symantec. ‘If you see that the child is indulging in some risky activities like clicking on links which they should not be that’s a early warning sign for you to follow up that initial conversation with close monitoring and more well rounded discussion. You know your child better than anybody else, so you take the decision on what they can and cannot do.’

Basically, what you wouldn’t allow in real life, applies on the net too, says Tamim.

When your children become teenagers the old rules may not apply, says Cagla. ‘It  may be difficult for them to take advise/monitoring from their family, so it may be advisable to approach the school as more and more schools are now having such lectures and education as part of their regular programme,’ she says. ‘And sometimes it may help to hear it from another source other than the family.’

Cyber bullying is the big issue now. ‘It’s becoming more and more common, so we need to teach our kids that if they experience any disturbing messages, email or behavior or language from their peers they should not respond,’ says Cagla. ‘That’s what is going to trigger the bully to keep at it. They need to save the chat messages or post if they can using ‘Print Screen’ and then report it to an adult, if not their parents then to their teachers,’ she advises. ‘But they too need to refrain from using such language or joining their friends in what they think is a fun activity but maybe construed as bullying by another child.’

Along with learning net etiquette, we need to teach our kids some safety rules, says Tamim. ‘For example, the use of passwords, not sharing your personal information, not sharing your pictures or posts online which are accessible to people other than your friends,’ he says. ‘You need to monitor all these things constantly and parents need to have access to their kids’ passwords so you can keep track of their activity randomly and to ensure their safety.’

No matter what precautions are taken, we are always vulnerable on the net, according to Tamim. He himself was the victim of a credit card fraud recently. ‘I was sitting at home when I got a message on my phone saying my card had been used in a New York hospital!’ he says. ‘I had been to New York about three weeks back and somebody managed to get the details and charged my credit card. It happens all the time.’

Tamim managed to duck that one by acting immediately. ‘The minute I got the SMS I called my bank and told them I am in Dubai and my card had been swiped in New York,’ he says. ‘They immediately blocked my card, sent me a new card, cancelled the transaction and credited the amount back to me.’

Tamim feels you can still have stress-free existence online if you take all the right precautions. ‘People often get defrauded by their greed or naivety,’ he says. ‘For example, there’s a job you’re looking for and the fraudsters track you through your internet searches on job sites. All of a sudden you get an SMS saying an interview has been set up for you and to transfer a minimum fee to process. You may be skeptical about it, but still click on the link just to check out because you are desperate for the job, and you make the transfer only to realize it’s a scam. These things keep happening. We can’t avoid them, just learn how to deal with them.’

Cagla advises everybody to be very careful while sharing financial information online, especially on an open Wifi network. ‘We also have to teach our children not to do that,’ she says. ‘We also need to teach them to log out of their accounts so others can’t access their email accounts, which may carry their bank account details and never share passwords.’

In the UAE research shows that 37 per cent of parents let their kids play with their devices, 20 per cent parents admit they don’t know what their children are doing online, according to a Norton survey. ‘Twenty per cent of the kids admit that what they do online would not be approved by their parents,’ says Cagla. ‘Obviously, it won’t be possible to stop them doing this, but it is up to us to ensure that we teach them what is in their best interests, and we need to keep repeating this as often as it is necessary.’

She feels the best way of getting to know what the children are up to is to appeal to their sense of vanity. ‘What we can do is ask our child which websites are the coolest these days, which apps are their friends using,’ she says. ‘This will surely draw them out. Start to get them to talk about what their friends are doing so you know by proxy what they are doing. You can ask them, ‘Can you teach me something new online today’. You’d be surprised at the many tricks they’ve learnt. Then maybe if they are comfortable you can ask have you heard of any of your friends receiving emails that are negative or cyberbullying happening at school to see if they know what it means.’

Tamim feels it is important to talk about what happens on the net – good or bad. ‘If I’ve been affected or if I’ve been scammed I feel bad or ashamed to talk about it in my social circle because of the stigma attached to it,’ he says. ‘What we should do is encourage the victim, whether adult or child, to come forward and talk about it openly so that others can learn from their experience. We should have the courage to go to the authorities and seek help.’

Likewise, Tamim advises children to be very cautious about leaving their digital footprint for the future. ‘What I do online today stays online forever,’ he says. ‘It’s there for everybody to see. So posting responsibly, visiting sites with discretion, are all very important. You may have done something four or five years back, but when you enter the job market it may come back to haunt you. Employers are looking at your digital life as much as your professional or academic life. What you posted and what you shared may have a negative impact on your future.’

He also urges them to reach out if they don’t know what to do. ‘Don’t feel bad to talk to someone trusted if you feel uneasy about talking to your parent,’ he says. ‘Talk to your teacher, or any trusted adult who is responsible and understands and can help you.’

The experts understand the reluctance of parents to get involved in their children’s online activities, but warn that they do so at their own peril. ‘We didn’t have email when I was growing up, but now kids grow up with social media,’ says Cagla. ‘We need not be afraid of technology, but we have to understand it, and discuss it with our kids like any other topic. It’s no use ignoring it. If you do, you will be left far behind, and may have lost your children in the bargain.’