Halloween costumes: Who to dress up as this year

Here’s one for him and her. Kim (Kardashian) and Kanye (West) have been inseparable since realising that their mutual love of fame made them more than just soulmates; it made them a bankable unit with a reported combined wealth of $128 million (Dh470 million). Aw, guys, what took you so long? Kimye often dress alike, and favour black, shiny garments. Faux leather is very in on the high street at the moment, so you’ll have no trouble recreating the look at prices that don’t say: “I made a tape in 2003 and now I can afford to buy Greece.”

Paul Ryan (or Mitt Romney. Or Richard Mourdock. Sorry, all white male Republicans look the same to me)

The good thing about dressing as a Republican is they all have the ability to make expensive suits look cheap, so any grey number you can find in a secondhand shop will do. For the Paul Ryan effect, buy your trousers in sizes at least five times too big, so that they billow in the wind like MC Hammer’s pants. If you want to go as Romney, slick back your hair and leave teeth-whitening gel on for a few hours. If Mourdock is your man, just add a red tie with, erm, the confederate stars on if anyone takes offence and starts an argument, just remind yourself it’s God’s will.

Lance Armstrong

It has been a great year for cyclists, unless you’re Lance Armstrong. While Bradley Wiggins, Laura Trott and Chris Hoy added to Great Britain’s medal count in the 2012 games, the US Anti-doping Agency was on its way to stripping Armstrong of all his professional wins and banning him from competition for life. For an authentic Armstrong look, you need Lycra, a yellow plastic Livestrong bracelet and a bag of fake blood taped to your arm. An actual bike is a great addition to your outfit, as anyone who has shared a house with someone who keeps theirs in the hallway will tell you, there’s nothing more annoying than people who carry bikes indoors. And should you tire of playing the cycling villain, just whack on a pair of massive sideburns and pretend you’re Wiggo.

Pussy Riot

For some reason, women tend to enjoy dressing the same as their friends, so group costumes can be a real hit with the ladies this time of year. Now, Ghostbusters is an obvious choice for a party of, say, six females (overalls from BQ, backpacks and one person wearing glasses covers the basics) but then there are two of you to fight out who goes as Slimer and who gets Janine. Avoid the conflict and go militant in honour of Pussy Riot; all you need are Doc Martens, colourful balaclavas and a righteous attitude.The more the merrier; solidarity in numbers.

Samantha Brick

Yes, yes, Brick has come in for some bashing. But who wouldn’t want to go to a party as the most beautiful woman in the world? It beats going as a sexy nurse, again. A blonde wig, (for those not already blessed with hair as golden as the sun) a spot of lippy and a total lack of self-awareness provide the styling groundwork here. Add a moustachioed Frenchman for the complete look. People will definitely get this one right away.

Give us your suggestions for who to dress up at this Halloween