5 Reasons parenting experts dislike Elf on the Shelf

If you’re the parent of a child aged 10 or under then you’ve probably at least heard of the Elf on the Shelf, even if you haven’t met him in the flesh yet – the cute little ‘magical helper’ sent down by Santa to report back on the naughty or nice behaviour of children.

But while there’s no doubt that both kids and adults get a huge amount of joy from the pixie-dust aspect of these fun festive house guests, some experts warn that it's sending a negative message and could become an unhelpful parental crutch.

The Elf on the Shelf phenomenon

It all started in 2004 when US-based Chanda Bell suggested to her mother that they write a book based on the Santa’s elf tradition they had always practiced in their own home. Turned down by every publisher they approached, they decided to self-publish, and poured their life savings into manufacturing the first range of Elves on the Shelf.

From these humble beginnings, the Elf on the Shelf has skyrocketed to both fame and fortune, with more than 13 million having been sold around the world. The elves are very much alive and kicking in the UAE too, with UAE mummy influencers’ social media feeds chock-full of photos of their elves’ latest antics.

The story goes that every night these elves scurry back to the North Pole to give Santa their feedback from the day’s surveillance, so that in the morning they are in a different position from where they were the night before.

This is where the creativity comes in: from playing golf with candy canes, to taking marshmallow baths, the internet is now full of ‘Elf Inspiration’ lists as parents share the increasingly inventive and outlandish scenarios that their elves have got into overnight.

Families love the sense of magic and mischief his presence brings into the home during the festive season. Parents also swear by his seemingly magical effectiveness as their own little helper – squabbling or bad behaviour are stopped in their tracks the minute kids are reminded of the presence of Santa’s sweet little scout.

So what could be the problem with such harmless festive fun? Parenting experts and child psychologists share their thoughts…

1)It’s only a temporary fix, says Dubai-based Pooja Bhargava, who has a PhD in Child Development, “The practice of rewarding good behaviour with anything other than praise is a temporary technique that results in instant gratification. You get results, but they vanish quickly. Children need to develop a strong internal moral structure, where they know what is right or wrong, not learn to behave in a certain way because of what they’re going to get from it”

2) It’s not actually very ‘fun’, says Therese Sequeira, Parent Educator at Kids First Medical Center says, “If the Elves are used as visitors who explore the homes they are staying in, then that’s one thing, but if the Elf is being used as a ‘tattle tale’, then he would not be welcome in my home. How boring! It’s important for parents to encourage good behaviour in their children through spending time with them, talking to them, offering praise, having fun, having shared experiences and having an object supposedly report children’s ‘bad behaviour’ is very negative and no fun at all.”

3) It encourages a materialistic attitude, says David Kyle Johnson associate professor of philosophy at King’s College in Pennsylvania. “It’s the easiest, but worst, way to get your children to behave. Children need to learn self-control and to do the right thing for its own sake. But a child who behaves because The Elf on the Shelf is watching and will tell Santa — that child is learning the exact opposite: that how they behave should be dictated by the rewards they receive. And this is not unproblematic. What happens when these children grow up and discover that in the real world, it is lying and cheating that earns the most rewards? Now, I’m not saying that The Elf on the Shelf will encourage even more corruption in the business world – but I’m also not not saying that either.”

4) It can be unsettling for children, says parenting author Sarah Ockwell-Smith. “How many children fear monsters, ghosts and other things that go bump in the night? Parents spend hours reassuring that they don’t exist… Then along comes a freaky little doll that becomes possessed – but only at night when they’re asleep… It doesn’t matter whether the elf is ‘kind’ or the naughty variety; they still come to life at night and do things when the child is asleep.”

5) It’s more pressure for parents, says Dubai-based Amy Vogelaar, parenting educator and co-founder of Love Parenting UAE. “My number one reason is that it just looks like an incredible amount of additional work for mum, on top of all the usual holiday mental-load duties.” This echoes Sarah Ockwell-Smith’s thoughts: “Reaching the end of the day, exhausted, ready to climb into bed, only to realise, ‘Oh no! I forgot to do something with the elf!’ Remembering isn’t enough though, oh no, not when your friend is outdoing you on their daily elf-escapades on social media. Do you really want to feel like an inadequate elf organizer?”

What are your thoughts on the Elf on the Shelf? We’d love to hear your views at babyandchild@gulfnews.com.