Are you always late? How to conquer the clock
Constant waiting can lead to frustration and even resentment
Tick tock, tick tock.
It’s the bane of every timekeeper's existence: The chronically late. We all have them in our lives - the colleague whose missed deadlines create a domino effect of stress, or the friend who is ‘fashionably late’, which means you're left twiddling your thumbs and perhaps nursing a not-so-fashionable grudge.
This constant waiting can lead to frustration and even resentment. Are they just disrespecting your time and you?
Why are people late?
The ‘latecomers’ try to explain their side of the story. Dubai-based Anisha Parashar, a public relations consultant has her reasons: She works late and burns the midnight oil, and has to ensure that she spends time with her children too. Sometimes, she can’t keep stock of all her to-do lists and doesn’t anticipate the duration of a task. And so she’s late to work, often and misses deadlines. Meanwhile, Krista Dinel, an Abu Dhabi-based French expat, prioritises a relaxed morning before work: She enjoys her cup of coffee, breakfast, and then heads to office. She maintains: “Life is stressful enough already; I would rather spend some time being relaxed than doing everything in a rush and just begin my day in a panicked rush.”
Others like Jake Norman, an American Dubai-based college student, don’t mind being late. He’s never on time for his classes: He just cannot wake up in time for a 9 am session. “Everyone’s used to it; I don’t think anyone expects me to be on time,” he says serenely. His friends laugh about it too. It’s a recurring joke, now.
‘I’ll make it in time’
Nevertheless, despite having reasons, latecomers are always perceived as frivolous, ‘scatterbrained’ and chaotic. Sometimes, in far more negative terms, explains Joanna Millicent, a British Abu Dhabi-based mental health therapist. She says, “It’s the easiest to perceive them in such a way; nobody wants to hear excuses why anyone is late, especially if it causes trouble professionally or personally. However, the truth is, most of the time, they’re not deliberately trying to do it. It’s not that they don’t care about other people’s feelings.”
Letizia Mugnai, a Dubai-based clinical psychologist and psychotherapist at OpenMinds Psychiatry, Counselling and Neuroscience Center, explains, there are many reasons regarding why a person is late, ranging from banal, to clearly observable and easily understood. Some reasons are less obvious. "In the simplest cases, it is mostly a difficulty in organising oneself, planning commitments, correctly evaluating the time needed to carry out a series of tasks," she says. Another reason why punctuality isn't everyone's strength as she and Millicent explain, is an optimistic belief that they can make it in time. “Some people actually are optimistic: They are sure that they can manage all household tasks in one morning, for example, before going to work. They will pack everything into one tight and hectic schedule, while setting rather unrealistic goals for themselves,” explains Millicent.
It is the tendency to get distracted that leads to lengthening activities, accumulating delays, or multitasking, carrying out various commitments at the same time with the illusion of being able to be punctual everywhere, or even being too perfectionistic and getting lost in unnecessary detail...
It's this very security that is deceiving, adds Mugnai. "It makes the risk of being late, greater precisely where we would not expect it. In other cases, however, it is the tendency to get distracted that leads to lengthening activity times, accumulating delays, or multitasking, carrying out various commitments at the same time with the illusion of being able to be punctual everywhere, or even being too perfectionistic and getting lost in unnecessary detail," she she says. Moreover, some use their lateness as a means of making a statement, explains Mugnai. "It could also be a strategy used voluntarily to attract attention, to create suspense, to make people wait, to be noticed, to underline their superior or power position towards others," she says.
Others might also have trouble drawing strong boundaries, explains Millicent. They cannot say no, as they fear upsetting someone. As a result, their worrying lack of punctuality arises more out of a deep-rooted anxiety than anything else.
The personality traits that influence your punctuality
Research also backs claims on how personality traits can influence your timeliness. Another factor that affects punctuality is the belief in how well they can multi-task. According to a 2020 study published in the US-based academic journal Advances in Cognitive Psychology attempted to prove that people juggling several tasks at once are less likely to remember and complete other scheduled tasks on time. Plans can fall flat, as people just don’t have the cognitive resources to carry them out properly.
Mugnai breaks it down further. Several personality traits can influence a person's tendency to be late. Here are a few:
Procrastination: Individuals who tend to delay tasks until the last minute are more likely to underestimate how much time they need to get ready or arrive somewhere on time.
Impulsive nature: People who are more impulsive, may act on immediate desires or distractions, leading them to lose track of time or prioritise short-term gratification over punctuality.
Optimism: Optimistic individuals may believe that they can accomplish more in a given amount of time than is realistically possible, leading to underestimations of how long tasks or travel will take.
Perfectionism: Perfectionists may delay leaving or finishing tasks because they want everything to be just right, even if it means being late as a result.
Carelessness: Some individuals may simply not prioritise punctuality or may be less conscientious about planning and managing their time effectively.
Stress: High levels of stress can lead to disorganisation and difficulty focusing, which can result in being late due to not allocating enough time for tasks.
Time management skills: Those with weaker time management skills may struggle to accurately estimate how long tasks take or fail to plan their schedules effectively.
Respect for others' time: Some people may be less concerned about punctuality if they do not prioritise respecting others' time or the impact their lateness may have on others.
Unable to comprehend the urgency of a situation
As Aakriti Mahindra, a Dubai-based clinical psychologist, explains, sometimes people just don’t comprehend the level of urgency. There is a lack of planning and scheduling, as she says. “Being late also reflects on a person’s priorities and goals,” she says. If they do not have the inherent motivation to make it to office on time, there could be a deeper sense of dissatisfaction at play too.
Being late also reflects on a person’s priorities and goals. If they do not have the inherent motivation to make it to office on time, there could be a deeper sense of dissatisfaction...
Complex emotions, such as fear of failure at work, can also lead to procrastination and delays. "For example, they’re sure that they won’t fare well in a task assigned to them. So, they delay and procrastinate. People fear when others have high expectations from them, so they delay the task further, be it a project deadline or just coming to work on time,” adds Mahindra.
This sweeping anxiety and insecurity can lead a person to postpone a situation that makes them uncomfortable as long as possible, Mugnai elaborates further. "Anxiety concerns not just a specific task that one fears facing, but also the very fact of risking, by being punctual, having to wait for someone else. Always arriving late also means testing others, seeing if they care, if they do, it's because 'if I'm important, if they care about me, if they love me, then they will wait for me'," she explains. These anxieties and negative thought processes have ripple effects, one of them leading to fractured sleep patterns, which further fuels delays inevitably.
You sleep late, you wake up late, and you reach work an hour late. The end result? This just creates tension in the workplace environment or even in personal relationships, as you are seen as selfish, uncaring and unbothered, adds Millicent.
A self-fulfilling prophecy
Some prefer to follow Kanye West’s motto from his 2007 Stronger track: You should be honoured by my lateness.
It’s a part of their personality now, and they have no desire to change it, explains Millicent. It’s their brand and so they don’t even make an attempt to be on time. “That’s another detrimental psychological problem: People don’t want to do the hard work of actually making a change. So, they would rather tell others to not ‘expect’ from them, because if you do, that’s on you, as they say. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy,” she says.
Moreover, as Mugnai explains, showing up late could also be a form of passive-aggression. As she says, such people find it difficut to put forward their their anger in a clear and direct way. "They are unable to assertively say no, so then covertly show their hostility by arriving late for a commitment or by handing in work late," she says.
What’s happening in the brain?
Well, research has something else to say too.
According to a 2017 UK-based study in the journal Hippocampus, there might be a mechanism in the brain that causes some people to be late for meetings as they underestimate the time it will take them to get there. As the researcher had explained, the hippocampus is a region of the brain which processes some aspects of time, such as remembering when to do something and how long it takes.
Another 2023 UK-based study published in the academic journal Nature Reviews Neuroscience also proposes that neurons in the hippocampus act as ‘time cells’, that contribute to our perception and memory of events. However, it is still unclear why some people perpetually underestimate time.
One possible reason, could be our own familiarity with a space, as the study suggested. The research asked 20 students who had just moved to London to sketch a map of their college district and estimate travel times to different destinations. While the students' space estimates broadened, if they knew an area well, their gauge of travel time contracted with familiarity. "If you're very familiar with a space, you start to discount the hassle it will take,” the researcher Hugo Spiers, a professor of cognitive neuroscience at University College London, had told the outlet, Live Science, last year.
In many cases, people who are late may not factor enough time to complete tasks unrelated to travel, such as getting ready in the morning. According to a 2023 research published in the UK-based academic journal Memory and Cognition, it suggests that we make time estimates on the basis of how long we think tasks have taken us in the past. However, our memories have not always been accurate. So, if you have a lot of experience in performing a task, you are more likely to underestimate how long it will take.
Conquering the clock: Tips for punctuality
So, how do we break the cycle of waiting and frustration? Here are some practical tips to help you, explain Mugnai and Millicent.
Be realistic: Many of us underestimate how long certain tasks take. Factor in buffer time for unexpected delays or getting caught up in conversations. Avoid setting overly ambitious deadlines that may lead to procrastination or rushing. Give yourself enough time to complete tasks thoroughly and account for potential setbacks.
Plan ahead: The night before, lay out your clothes, pack your bag, and prep anything you'll need. This eliminates morning scrambling and potential excuses for running late. Use a planner, calendar, or digital tools to schedule tasks and allocate specific blocks of time for each activity. Include buffer time between tasks to account for unexpected delays. Allocate dedicated time periods for specific tasks or activities. Commit to starting and finishing each task within the allotted time frame to avoid last-minute rushes, adds Mugnai.
Embrace the power of ‘no’: Saying no to extra commitments when your schedule is already packed prevents overwhelm and the domino effect of missed deadlines.
Utilise technology: Set multiple alarms or reminders on your phone to keep yourself on track throughout the day. There are also time management apps that can help you stay organised.
The two-minute rule: For small tasks that take less than two minutes, do them immediately instead of putting them off and letting them pile up.
Address perfectionism: Recognise that perfectionism can contribute to procrastination. Aim for progress over perfection and prioritize completing tasks on time rather than waiting for ideal conditions.
Reward yourself: Positive reinforcement works. Celebrate your punctuality milestones, whether it's treating yourself to coffee or simply acknowledging your progress.