Now that the holiday season is upon us, we see several ads on television, telling us how to arrive safe at our destination.
We are told of the importance of keeping ourselves well hydrated and to keep our extremities moving for fear of deep vein thrombosis (DVT).
As for wetting the whistle, have you noticed that when you press the service button, it takes an interminably long time for you to be served. So, you jab the button a second time and look around to try and catch the eye of a steward or stewardess only to find no one in sight. Craning your neck for a better look, all you can see are figures huddled in the pantry.
You presume they are preparing your meal. Not wanting to disturb them in the midst of this important task, you walk up to them and serve yourself.
However, the minuscule bottles or glasses you are given are gone in a flash and you wonder if asking for more a la Oliver would be impolite.
The clip shows a man wriggling his toes and flexing his limbs while sitting in his seat. This is where I have a problem. Have you seen the space (or lack thereof) while flying economy class?
If I were to stretch my arms, I would probably hit the passenger seated next to me in the face and that certainly wouldn’t make for a pleasant journey.
Then there’s more. The man in the ad gets up and starts exercising. Needless to say, he has a seat right up in front of the plane. So he is facing a sea of faces as he limbers up. I cannot imagine subjecting myself to the gaze of so many strangers without feeling extremely self-conscious. Even if I were to overcome my inhibitions, the sight of the smiles on the faces watching our seasoned traveller would certainly put me off. To cynical me, the facial expressions look more like a smirk. Now, why would I want to make a fool of myself in public?
The advice to get up and walk down the aisle is next. I have considered this several times and have found that the moment I get up, there is a trolley heading towards me and gestures aimed in my direction asking me to please remain seated. The passage of the trolley is excruciatingly slow as each passenger is asked for their liquid and victual preferences. These decisions provide much food for thought, further delaying service to others farther down the line waiting patiently with their trays pulled out.
As the trolley trundles past you, you heave a sigh of relief and get up fast, determined to make an effort to stretch your limbs. However, your progress is halted by some making a beeline for the washroom. Squeezing yourself as flat as you can, you let them pass and then make a bid for freedom. But your move is stymied by a bright spark who has just decided he needs something urgently from the overhead locker. The item is brought down after some careful balancing and then the rummaging starts. Soon, he or she calls out to the spouse for more explicit directions.
By the time you resume your journey, fatigue and resignation have set in. Eventually, after a quick walk, you sink into your seat and tell yourself it’s just not worth the effort.
On a recent flight to Dubai from London, I was dismayed to see several couples with not one, not two, but four kids in tow. As they entered, I prayed that their walk down the aisle would be a long one and that they would be seated at the other end of the plane.
In keeping with my shoddy luck, one set settled down just in front of me while another seated itself by my side.
This is when you realise that some journeys never come to an end.
