Saudis use social media to vet potential spouses

Manama: Raneem smiled as she switched on her laptop. Her mother had just told her that their neighbour Ahmad wanted to marry her.

She added that his mother had spoken to her and that she was looking forward to a favourable answer before informing her husband and formally launching the process of asking for her hand through the father in line with the deep-seated tradition in the Gulf.

Raneem’s mother said she did not know Ahmad’s family well enough to decide, but she would ask her son to follow the normal procedures of asking the imam of the mosque and trustworthy neighbours about them.

However, Raneem said she had her own way of finding about Ahmad as a person, and headed to the laptop in her room.

To the young college student, a new source for information about the character and inclinations of a person is social media.

Surfing through his accounts, especially Instagram and Facebook, both extremely popular in the Arabian Gulf, would allow her to learn more about Ahmad, she thought to herself.

“If large companies are increasingly resorting to social media to check the social profiles of potential candidates before recruiting them, then we should apply the same process when we want to find out about potential friends or husbands,” Raneem said.

“Of course, social media is not the true reflection of a person’s character or inclinations, or orientations, but it does give a good idea about that person.”

The use of technology and social media to gain invaluable insights into the character and way of life of people has become a trend that is being embraced by the young generation.

“I have turned down two men who had proposed to me after I checked their social profiles,” Rasha, a teacher, said.

“Their social media accounts revealed to me aspects of their characters that I could not possibly accept and indicated a cultural standard that would have put heavy pressure on me. They had inclinations that would have clashed with mine, so it was safer for me and better for them not to become engaged in the first place.”

Hiba said that when she was given the name of a potential husband, she looked his profile up.

“As soon as I found out that he smoked, I decided not to go ahead with the marriage,” she said. “There is no way I get married with someone who smoked even if his smoking was out of the house. To me, cigarettes are a strong reason for rejecting a marriage proposal.”

Hiba added that she would not have known that her potential husband smoked if she limited her search for details to the traditional way of asking the imam of the local mosque or the neighbours.

“Maybe to them, smoking is very normal or an indication of virility or manhood. They might not understand that to me it is a formidable obstacle to a secure and stable family life. So I am happy I relied on social media to find out about him and make my decision based on what I see as important.”

Noora said that she refused to wed a man after she discovered that he was egocentric and used social media to show off. “He was obviously shallow and lacked genuine character, so I could not possible get along with him,” the office secretary said. “I got scared he would turn me into an object to satisfy his vanity without any genuine care for or about me.”

She said that she also found out that he was a volatile person who got angry and became dismissive easily if he could not win an argument or failed to convince someone.

“His Twitter account showed a highly argumentative person who would raise his voice, not his argument when discussing an issue. To me, his attitude on the social microblog was a red flag that prompted me to turn down his proposal.”

Mohammad Amer, a mosque imam, said that he appreciated the new inclination to give social media a bigger role in finding out about the profiles of other people, but cautioned the exercise could be misleading.

“Many users make sure they project a glossy image of themselves that does not reflect the reality on the grounds,” he said. “People need to talk with real people such as imams and good neighbours in order to learn true facts about others. Nothing is as important as information based on observation and experience.”