Through the Looking Glass - July 4, 2003

More news on the Harry Potter front: London: Paul and Mary met, fell in love and married - all in the queue - while waiting for the new Harry Potter book. "We were ten when we first met," said Paul, "the queue had gone around London twice before stretching to Scotland and a remote island to the west of Finland.

By the time we turned 14, we became closer after some people who stood between us died in their sleep. At 18, we had advanced up the queue from where we could see the cliffs of Dover, and we understood we were made for each other.

People around us kept dropping out - some had got so old they forgot what they were standing in line for. Others began to laugh and cry in turn as they struggled in their straitjackets. "Another couple of years passed quietly, and we approached the book store with a song on our lips. After all, we were only 24 and not only remembered why we were in the queue but also knew who J K Rowling was.

Our prize was just a year or two away. By then we would have entered the store. There would be nothing left to live for once we got our hands on the Potter book. To pass time we decided to get married. Our plan for the next book was hatched then.

"We would place our newborn in the queue too. That way, by the time he turned ten, he would either be able to get out of the queue or lay his hands on the new Potter book."

New York: There is no truth in the rumour that the Rolling Stones have renamed themselves the Rowling Stones. Also, Mozart will remain Mozart and Bach will remain Bach, but negotiations are underway to change the dramatist's name to Harry Shakespeare to make The Tempest more attractive to children.

Hollywood movies for the next Holiday season:
Ha, Report Her: A dark comedy about a nun with a strange habit and the amusing way in which her colleagues decide to snitch on her.

Hey, Repot Her: A documentary on snooker and the manner in which a champion gets an unexpected chance to pot the black after having missed the first time.

Hairy botcher: An animation film about a monkey who keeps fouling things up.

Harry Bother: Film about a boy named Harry who is a nuisance.