Lessons horses teach

The animals beg people to live together without violence, horse whisperer Monty Roberts tells Sonali Raha during his visit to Dubai

Monty Roberts was only seven when he understood the language of horses. A wild horse had become his friend in Salinas, California, USA. "I was so excited, so exhilarated. I ran to my father, said 'you must, must see this. Watch what I can do.' My father was a traditional horseman. He saw the horse and myself, saw the horse listening to me and doing what I was asking it to do, and was furious. 'What kind of a boy am I raising? Are you a witch or something?'" he said.

"He beat me with a chain until I had broken bones and my blood ran. My mother heard him, came and took me to the hospital. On the way she kept saying, 'don't tell anyone your father beat you. Then he won't have work.' My father ran a riding school for children. And my mother said, 'people will take their kids away if they know he beats you like this. We won't have a home, we won't have food. Tell the doctors you were bucked off a horse. Tell them you fell on a fence with chains.'

"So I told Dr. Murphy all that. I was not just scared of being hurt, I was scared of my life. That time I didn't realise, but now, looking back, I can see that Dr. Murphy knew exactly what had happened to me. I was in hospital for two days. Then for two weeks I was in my grandmom's house, recovering. She tied my arm to my bro-ken collar bone. I was in more pain than ever in my life. The bone healed, but with a space."

Roberts stopped, took a deep breath and looked down. For a while, there was silence.

We were sitting at the Ministry of Agriculture and Fisheries stand in Al Fares Dubai 2002, the 4th International Equine Trade Fair held recently at Dubai International Exhibition Centre (formerly the World Trade Centre Exhibition Halls). Roberts, the legendary horse trainer, was signing copies of his latest book, From My Hands to Yours.

He had been invited to Dubai by Satish Seemar, one of his students and three-time UAE champion horse trainer, to demonstrate his unique Join-Up technique. Arabian Ranches, the new Emaar property, sponsored the event. All money raised went to the Riding for the Disabled Association of Dubai (RDAD), a charity organisation that offers therapeutic riding lessons for children with special needs. Seemar is a director of RDAD.

That day, a steady stream of visitors dropped into the exhibition stand, eager to meet Roberts and get a copy of his book (the profits from the books sold also went to the RDAD). They praised his technique and asked when and where they could see him again.

"The Join-Up demonstration is magical, a once-in-a-lifetime experience," said Seemar. Other visitors agreed, one saying she couldn't believe man and horse could come so close.

For Roberts, that closeness is normal, ordinary. He has trained 90,000 horses in 25 countries. Now he and his wife, Pat, live in the 154-acre Flag Is Up Farms in Solvang, California, USA. They breed and train horses and hold special corporate events. He also travels the world demonstrating his unique Join-Up technique of training and is a motivational speaker.

In Dubai, Roberts did what he does best: prove that man and horse can be friends without force.

With very little prompting, the horse whisperer talked of how it began. "I was born in 1935 in Salinas, California. My father was a traditional horseman. He was really, really hard with the horses and even harder with me. I had 71 broken bones before I was 12. I kept running away, running away. Every time I ran way, I went to the mustangs. I loved them, I watched them through binoculars.

"Every time I went to the wild horses I was learning something. I saw the wild horses had a language, a communication system. They didn't make noise, it was with signals, gestures. I saw them react and interact.

"While sleeping at night under the stars I suddenly thought, 'that's it; there's a language; they can transfer a thought; they can communicate'.

"They look at your eyes, your shoulders, your fingers, your arms, the direction of travel and the speed with which you travel. All these mean something to a horse. Horses have only one goal when dealing with human beings: To survive. Horses have no ego, no greed. With your fingers you're telling them either to be careful and go away, or come here."

As he talked, Roberts closed his fist. "This is I'm not going to hurt you." He brought his closed fist close to his heart. "This is I'm not going to hurt you, I promise." He kept his hand where it was, looked at me and then slowly looked down and away. "When you drag your eyes like this, they just can't resist you. They just have to come to you."

The horses prove that violence doesn't work, he underlined. "I learnt that the horses are telling us, begging us, not to be violent. You don't have to break a horse to make him your friend. You tie them up, you force them, so they fight. Traditional horsemen say it's okay. But it's not," he said.

"The horses keep telling me, please keep showing people we want to be your partner. We're ambitious, we're creative, we're full of energy. We love to jump, to race, to run. We love to be a partner to human beings. But we do not want to be slaves."

What he has learnt from horses can, and must, be applied to people, Roberts stressed. "People are not very different from horses. They are exactly the same. Someone tells you there's just been a baby born. It needs food, protection, shelter, warmth. Who are they talking about? A baby horse or a human baby? They could be talking about both...

"What right do we have to say we are the masters? That we are stronger, more intelligent, more powerful? Yet whips are still the number one piece of equipment being sold in tack shops around the world."

From the horses Roberts has learnt never to use violence with a child. "I never use violence. Never. I use words. Agreements. I say 'you want to have a messy room, okay, let's have an agreement. I want to have the tiles in my bathroom cleaned with a toothbrush. You have to make them absolutely clean.'

"But you must always have a positive for every negative. So I say, 'but if your room is clean, you know that ball game you've been wanting to see, that fishing trip you want to go for? We'll do some of those things.'

"Then we'll sign a little contract and put it up on the wall. We (Monty and his wife Pat) have raised 47 foster children and three biological children. These types of contracts were everyday occurrences. Our walls were full of them.

"We never said food, money, in these agreements. We talked about spending time together, doing things together. Pretty soon, we were doing the same things.

"Your children train you to be happy. You start saying 'he's a good kid'. Your child starts saying, 'he's a good dad'. Pretty soon, you hate it when he does something negative. You don't want to discipline him. You're in his team. You wear the same colour jersey. That's good parenting."

From his own father Roberts has learnt a valuable lesson. "My father taught me what 'NOT' to be. Breaking the chain of violence is not easy. But if you don't break the chain, where do you go?"

He has broken that chain and not just in his private life either. He takes his mess