Loved ones lost to cancer

Lost forever

I just finished high school when Aunt Ludy died of breast cancer. She was like my second mum and she taught me so many things that have made me the man I am today. She underwent chemotherapy and all the treatments the doctors suggested, which were just keeping her alive. I didn’t know the true sense of cancer then. I thought it was just like a fever – you just take some rest and paracetamol, and that’s it. It had a very big impact on me as a person, when we lost her.
 
I felt like I lost a part of who I am. She worked for the church and was a true believer in the Almighty. I will never forget her resignation letter, which we handed over to her boss. In it, she wrote: “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” I believe nowadays, it is very important to be aware of the big C, its symptoms and how to avoid it.

Leo Marlon Pineda
Dubai

One wrong call

I am one of those unfortunate people who lost their mothers to cancer. May God rest their souls in peace. My beloved mother suffered from breast cancer and ultimately passed away, 25 years ago. The real cause of her death was cancer but in fact, she was not treated properly by the doctors in the hospital. The surgeon at the hospital in Rawalpindi, Pakistan, told us that she was suffering from tuberculosis and put her on medication for that disease.

She was treated for tuberculosis for over four months. We then took her to another hospital, when we found no progress in her health. The doctors in Karachi told me that my mother was suffering from cancer and not from tuberculosis. By that time, the disease had reached its second stage. The wrong diagnosis proved to be fatal for my mother.

Qaiser Butt
UAE

A father’s love

I lost my father to cancer in December 2008. He was 74. To make matters worse, he also suffered from diabetes, a couple of heart attacks, went through angiography and then a bypass surgery. He also suffered a paralytic stroke which he recovered from, up to, I would say, 90 per cent. He was the first close relative that my family lost and I must tell you – that it is a big loss. He suffered from many ailments and for quite a long time. But I must admit that whatever the physical condition of a loved one, you always feel and hope that they will get better and you can never be prepared for such a loss.

We come from a middle class family and were based in Mumbai, India for the better part of our lives until all my siblings and I migrated to different parts of the world, leaving my parents by themselves in India. Yes, we did invite them to live with us for varied periods in our newfound homes. We all saved up our annual vacations to attend to any emergencies that cropped up from time to time.

As a family we had our share of problems like all families and like it does to all others, our issues seemed like the gravest ones anyone could have faced.

My parents did all that they could to bring us up in the best possible way and provide us with our requirements. Due to certain disagreements between them, things got nasty most of the time and then resulted in a ‘cold war’ situation. They barely spoke with each other for most of their life together. But we thank the Almighty for the fact that in spite of severe differences, they stayed together. Although things were not too good at home, we were the apples of my parents’ eyes and they always spoke very highly about us.

I was born into the situation and as far as I can remember, things were bad from the time I could perceive things around me. In such an environment, I too get at loggerheads with my father from time to time. In the last few years of my father’s life, I often visited India to be around to attend to his frequent visits to the hospitals and doctors. However, what saddens me the most is the memories of the last few days that I spent with him on two different occasions in 2008, once in June and then a few days prior to his death.

At that time, I was oblivious of the amount of pain that he was going through due to the cancer and although we did not tell him that he was suffering from cancer, he was aware that something was seriously wrong with him. He kept asking us as to why he was not getting better and we had no explanations for him. He was scared and I am sure must have felt very lonely, knowing that he was not going to be around too long. As a result, he spent a lot of his time watching some spiritual programs on television. I clearly remember the incident during my visit in the month of June 2008 where I very selfishly had a major argument with him and said very mean things to him. I told him that he only wanted to watch television rather than spend time with me and my family.

I was lucky that I got the opportunity to be with him when he breathed his last. I clearly remember that I was holding his hand right until the end. He was in so much pain. I think I will always remember those last few days in the hospital.

I always wanted to write my parents a note and tell them how sorry I was for all the things that I had done which have hurt them and I know the list is quite long. I always wanted to tell them that I love them and am very thankful to them for all that they have done for me. I used to get upset every time they corrected me or advised me on anything and told them that I knew it all and I knew what I was doing.

Today, the words of my father ring in my ears and it hurts. Now that I have a child, I know what it means to give advice to your children.

I just want to say to him today: “Dad, I am truly sorry for having hurt you and I love you and will always remember your words of advice to me. Please pray for us and bless us.”

Melford Fernandes
Dubai

Will to live

I know about this disease as I have been closely associated with people who have suffered from it. Three members of my family have had cancer and fought it – however, they could not beat it. My grandmother, my father and my aunt have all lost their battle with cancer. Recently, one of my colleagues was diagnosed with cancer, although the primary source of it has not yet been located. Though all three of my family members were tea-drinkers and had no vices such as drinking alcohol or smoking, yet their cancer was detected in their mouth (near the jaw). With my aunt and grandmother, we got to know at a mature stage and could not do much to save them. However, with my dad –since he was in a big city and had access to proper medical facilities – we were able to fight it till the end. One thing that I have found in common between cancer patients, is that although it is very difficult to beat the disease, people who have the will, courage and – most importantly – family support, live longer and at times even win the fight. The idea is to ‘be positive’ and have the ‘will to live – not leave’. I know this is simple as a concept, however, very difficult to practice.

Ghanshyam Vasudeo Vyas
Dubai

Friends forever

We have been living in Dubai for the past 14 years and during this period, we came in contact with a very good Indian family. We developed a strong friendship. The wife, who was working for a reputed printing and publishing company in Dubai, visited my office after introductions by a common friend. After two or three such visits and conversations, the acquaintance developed into a friendship, and then something more special – they became like family.

At this stage, they had a son and we had a daughter. They were of the same age group, same family structure – and when they stood together, they looked like twins.

Her second son was born – and they came to know that he is an autistic child.

Life went on. One fine day, we were informed that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer, at an advanced stage.

We were all devastated, but her fighting spirit allowed her to move on with life, as though nothing happened. She always reminded us never to discuss the topic with her.

We continued our daily life as though nothing was wrong – everything done with a song and a smile on our faces – but one day, abruptly, we heard the news that she was no more.

The best memory we have is the cheerful face she always showed to us. Never in her life did she allow us to see her gloomy.

We still pray for her family and our relationship continues ever more strongly with them.

Sathyaprakkash M Menon
Dubai

Source of strength

I lost my mother to cancer in 1996, when people around seemed to have less awareness about the disease. She suffered for nine months, when she was under treatment. We did not lose hope till the last moment and we always gave her strength, telling her that she would be fine. We were always hopeful, because all of us could not imagine our life without our mother. She was the only one who gave us the strength to do everything in life, and who gave us the best things from her life. I am sorry I am unable to describe my feelings, but I would advise people to please take care of all their loved ones and do not hurt anybody around.
Rashid Qamar
UAE

In loving memory

My earliest memory of my grandfather, Abdul Sattar H., was when I was five. I woke up in the morning and hugged the person lying next to me. I thought it was my mother, because mostly she is the one who sleeps with me, and called out to her. "Mom,” I said.

I heard laughter in reply. I thought that it definitely was not my mother's voice in my little mind. I opened my eyes and saw my grandfather's smiling face. I blushed red in embarrassment. But he kindly explained to me that my mother was taken to the hospital, as I was about to have a little sister. At that age, the whole concept of having a baby was foreign to me.

I remember him as a man full of courage, humour, compassion, kindness, pride and piousness.

He encouraged me the most to pursue medicine and was ecstatic when I left for Russia to study in a medical academy. Little did anyone know that it would be the last time I would meet my grandfather.

A month after I left him, he was diagnosed of lung cancer at its last stage. He was old and the tumour was restricting his heart. There was nothing anyone could do except watch and pray, since he was old and an operation would have been fatal. The doctors gave him a year to live. I had high hopes of seeing him in winter holidays. However, he was gone far too soon. I never got to see his face after his death. But he died with a smile on his face.

Every day, the whole family misses him. At times, I feel that it was better that it was all over for him soon, as he did not have to suffer the pain for long. I am astounded at his strength in not showing his pain and bearing it so well for months. Even the doctors never diagnosed the tumour in him.

Areeba H.
UAE