Mamma mia!

The inspiration for Keep Your Feet Hidden - A Southern Belle on the Shores of Tripoli developed over a long time.

In fact, it was my mother's idea. She always wanted to write about her experiences. Unfortunately she never got the opportunity and 20 years after her death, I was finally able to get her story out for others to read. I was quite young when I first heard my mother talk about writing a book.

She was planning to do so in her later years, I guess she assumed she'd eventually have some free time. Her intention was to write about all her adventures and exciting life. She even started jotting down notes and at one point my brother, sister and I bought her a small tape recorder, on which she could record her memories. Her death from cancer in 1989 closed the whole chapter.

To be very honest, I didn't really think much about pursuing the book project back then. There seemed to be so many things in life pulling me in various directions that writing a book was not at the top of my list. The idea resurfaced after the birth of my first child and as he grew older and we added another child to our family I realised that they'd never know their grandparents, as they both died before I got married. It was only during these past few years that I started to think seriously about the book and its importance for my mother's grandchildren.

There were several false starts, notes taken, chapters outlined, but nothing substantial came of it. And then one night, I realised that her story was really very important, not just because she had been my mother, but because I felt that the world we live in needs more stories like hers. Our world seems to have too many divisions, distrust of the "other," and a lot of animosity. I recognised that all that negativity results from not knowing enough about the other or not having the desire to learn about differences and diversity among people we encounter.

My mother's story is an example of a woman from the US, who had never before left her homeland but was able to travel across the world and make a life for herself and start a family in Libya. She did this before there was easy access to long-distance telephone services and certainly way before the age of the internet.

In changing her life so drastically back in 1957 she became an example of a cross-cultural success story. And I strongly believe that she made it back then because she was open and willing to understand the diversity surrounding her and due to her ability to accept people and things as they were. She made an effort to fit in where necessary and just sat back and accepted the differences when required. We could use more of that today. Too often we find people at odds over who is better, who is right, who we should all strive to be like, and so on. Frankly, this just leads to conflict and hostility. More of us should become adept at crossing borders, and accepting the ebb and flow of life instead of demanding that the "other" change and be like us.

Many people I encounter these days are extremely concerned about the increase in unions between people from different nationalities and cultures. But I don't really understand their concerns.

For me, having had the opportunity to be a part of two cultures while growing up has been extremely rewarding. I cannot imagine how my life would have been like if I had been raised in one nation or culture. I wouldn't have been the way I am. I've always been proud of my inter-cultural background that allowed me to be a part of two different cultures. I must add though that my parents were quite unique.

In today's world when we have an inter-cultural marriage several concerns begin over which traditions the children will abide by, what nationality must they be, and this argument goes on and on. I was lucky because my parents were generous enough about each other's backgrounds that they allowed us to have some choice in what we would take from each of them. We were able to see the beauty and positive nature of both, because no one ever told us that one was better than the other.

I am very fortunate to have been raised by parents who were open to diversity and wanted the same for their children. I believe it is important to have more and more open-minded people in the world.

The writing process

Writing a book, as anyone who has done so knows, is a time-consuming and sometimes frustrating process. I didn't have the luxury of being a full-time writer. I teach full time at the American University of Sharjah, have two children, and am pursuing my PhD. Therefore, I have a full load and my daily routine is exceptionally busy. However, I have always been fortunate in that I am a "morning" person.

I enjoy getting up early while it's still dark outside. I like that quiet time before the rest of the people in the house wake up; it is sort of "my" time. Prior to writing the book that time was used for reading, grading papers, preparing for classes, and of course drinking my coffee.

However, once I resolved to write and finish the book, I used that morning time more wisely. I sought advice from a colleague, who has published several books. His best advice was: ‘keep at it and try to write every day at the same time'. I took his advice and made sure that every morning by 5am I was at the computer and it paid off.

Catharsis

In many ways, writing this book was cathartic. Although part of me thought writing it would be too difficult because of some of the memories I'd have to confront, another part of me wanted to put all the stories on paper. I wanted to produce a written account of my mother's life, for myself, my brother and sister, and our children.

Writing the book also made my siblings and I think about the past, dig up memories that we had forgotten, and remember the life we all shared before we became working parents who hardly see each other. Looking back on my mother's life has shown me how special she was considering the circumstances she endured. As a mother now, I appreciate her efforts even more.

There were numerous times while writing that I'd just sit at the computer and have a good cry. Not because I couldn't write anymore, but because I was seeing her life in a different way. I also missed my parents deeply as I went through this process. I regretted the fact that I never thanked them enough for all they did for us and now it is too late. But I hope that by sharing their story I am in some small way showing them how important they were in our lives and hopefully showing that we turned out alright.

Despite the time that went into Keep Your Feet Hidden, I may just have another book in me. My eldest son, who is 11, has Asperger's Syndrome, which is part of the autistic spectrum. He is an exceptional boy who works very hard to fit in and be part of a world which is often exceedingly difficult for him. Once he realised the significance of my mother's memoirs being published, he suggested I write a book about him. I thought that was a great idea. My plan at this time is to try to write about him, about how he copes with Aspergers and how we, as a family, live and deal with an often complicated issue.

My life

As a child I attended British and American schools in Tripoli, Libya. Despite some issues in our lives, our childhood was very good and in some ways quite extraordinary. We had a farm, my father raised Arabians and we had the opportunity to ride horses, swim, and enjoy being kids. In 1976 my father made the difficult decision to leave Libya and we moved to Rome, Italy. There I was fortunate to learn about a new culture and learn Italian, which I had heard growing up as Libya is a former Italian colony. I loved our two years in Italy, which were followed by a move to Morocco in the summer of 1978. That year was my first at a boarding school and my last year of high school. I finally graduated from the American School of Tangier in 1979. I left Morocco and my parents behind and went to the US to study at Georgetown University in Washington, DC. Despite being thousands of miles from home and family I was quite happy in this beautiful city.

After graduation in 1982 I worked in DC for several years before joining my family in Atlanta. My mother went back to the US following the death of my father. After my mother's death I completed an MA in Political Science and left for Pennsylvania, where I got a job as a director of an international office at a state university.

This is where I met my husband and we got married in 1995. Our first son was born in 1998 and that same year we moved to Sharjah. We have been in the UAE for 11 years. Our oldest son came here as an infant and the younger one was born here six years ago.

My hopes for the book

Living in the Arab world again has been a positive experience for me and I am very thankful for people from different cultures I encounter here on a daily basis. The citizens of the UAE are kind and open and always willing to learn more about the various nationalities that come to their wonderful nation.

I hope my book will find readership among the multicultural people who live in the UAE and that some of it will resonate with their own lives. My mother's story is no longer so unique; today more and more people are marrying across cultures and travelling beyond their borders. Therefore, I hope that her story will inspire many people and make them realise the importance of accepting every new person and culture they encounter and encourage them to be accepting of the "other," because only then can true learning and appreciation take place.

Laila Dahan's book is available at amazon.com