Melbourne madness

I was staring dead straight into the eyes of Chopper Reid — Australia's most notorious convicted murderer.

Admittedly, he was on the other side of the pub's window, and the eye contact only lasted a fraction of a second.

Nobody could actually confirm it was in fact Chopper Reid and not some tattooed, moustached thug who looked like him, but the story nevertheless made a big impression on the Melbournites I met.

Shortly after arriving in Melbourne, I understood exactly why Australians often refer to their second largest city as the country's cultural heartbeat.

Here were the freaks — pumped out — dressed in all the colours of the rainbow.

I saw funky graffiti-decorated downtown buildings; gothic alleyways housed arty stores while rickety trams rattled past my feet.

Quirks of variety

A man wearing nothing but pink underwear wandered into the middle of Flinders Street, muttering crazy spells of lunacy.

After experiencing Sydney's beachiness and Perth's sleepiness, Melbourne had the quirks of variety I'd been seeking Down Under.

I met a local contact named Duck on the fashionable Chapel Street where an eclectic mix of foot traffic rambled past — Slackers and Sporties, Goths and Yuppie-Mums.

It was a gorgeous sunny day and the city was in summer bloom.

“There are no discernable trademarks in Melbourne,'' Duck explains, “but it's the most liveable city in Australia by far.''

Tough competitors

Indeed, locals refer to Sydney as high gloss with little substance — all beach with no soul.

Melbourne and Sydney have been waged in a struggle to be Australia's premier city for over a century, one of the leading reasons why the Sydney Opera House was built — to do one over Melbourne.

I spent an afternoon riding the free-of-charge Circle Tram to explore the city's downtown, and even without a trademark site or golden beach, it was clear that Melbourne is still a beautiful city with a wonderful buzz to it.

Later, I zipped around in Duck's metallic blue Mini Cooper convertible on Fitzroy Street and into the popular neighbourhood of St Kildare.

I explored the narrow, distinctly European-like alley boulevards, with pop art galleries, hyper-styled graffiti and hip designer boutiques.

With the iPod jamming out popular Melbourne band Cat Empire, I continued along the Princess Walk past various sport stadiums, the enormous tennis complex, the famous Melbourne Cricket Ground

I love exploring a city on foot and Melbourne didn't disappoint. I walked along the Yarra River — as peaceful as the Thames — both with rowers.

Along the Botanical Gardens, past Fern Gully and into the Memorial to Fallen Soldiers, an imposing solemn structure built to commemorate the thousands who lost their lives in both Great Wars.

The Arts Centre had a weird rooftop structure designed to resemble a ballerina's dress but, instead, looked like an egg-whisker that fell into a blender.

Unfortunately, it didn't blend away the notorious Australian fly. They gather in the nose, mouth and ears, perfectly designed to drive a person insane — perhaps to even don pink underwear and hit Flinders Street.

Checking out Chopper

I finally decided to figure out why everyone I met was so unnerved about my possible chance encounter with Chopper Reid, so I picked up a DVD called Chopper, starring Melbourne's Eric Bana in the role that made him famous.

Chopper apparently killed some man outside a famous Melbourne pub, and after carving off his own ears (seriously), has since gone on to become one of Australia's most successful authors.

Today, Chopper lives on a farm in Tasmania, breeding chickens, most likely trained to kill. As I hopped on my flight to Hobart, Tasmania's capital city, I really hoped I wouldn't cross him, or his chickens, again by accident.

Robin Esrock is a Canada-based adventure travel writer

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