Living with the enemy

I know ants are supposed to be critical to the ecosystem, but if I see one anywhere near me I do feel the need to either move or get the Pif Paf out.

Two ant bites and seven days of antibiotics later and my hatred of all things anty is in full swing. I don't know why or how I'm allergic to ant bites, but they're just one on a long list of seemingly random rash-inducing insects, foods and plants.

I once lived in International City, which seems to be a congregational place for the UAE's mosquitos (the bites of which, yes you guessed it, I also have bad reactions to). There were so many that I made sure a plug-in repellent was always in service.

One fateful evening it ran out, so I decided I'd have to use an insect spray repellent. Ten minutes later and I jumped into a cold shower to calm down the bright red rash that spread rapidly across my legs.

OK, I thought, I'll just have to take a chance.

Sunshine, and at least 10 mosquito bites, were waiting for me in the morning.

Same routine, I thought, soothing antihistamine cream and plasters, to keep the cream from dripping down my legs.

Nightmare

What happened next can be described as something of a dermatological nightmare. The itching got worse, to the point where I just couldn't stand it any more. I removed the plasters to find a fresh, different kind of rash, on top of the fading insect repellent rash from the night before and the increasingly reddening mosquito chomps. I add the brand of plasters to my growing list of allergies.

Taking no chances, and with no plug-in replacement in sight, the next night I wrapped myself in a sheet, cocoon-like, with only my face in the open air.

Sunshine, and a row of five mosquito bites across my face, were waiting for me in the morning.

I sat up and saw the offending mosquito, squashed on my pillow. Ha! I thought to myself, at least I got my blood back …

I've often wondered why I'm so sensitive to such random things: cauliflower, wheat (admittedly, that's quite common), all insect bites, lipstick, the glue of some plasters, washing powder, fabric softener, cheap soap, washing up liquid and shampoo, oranges (well, sort of, they just give me mouth ulcers), broad beans, perfume (I have to spray it on my clothes) and nickel. I may also be allergic to seafood, having been violently ill when 10 years old. I just haven't eaten any since then.

It's always a bit disappointing on my birthday and at Christmas when I receive expensive face creams or moisturisers — the perfume in them invariably brings me out in a rash — so I begrudgingly pass them on to friends.

I've also had to give away beautiful earrings — containing nickel — which are much cheaper than those made from solid silver. I can always tell if someone has scrimped on presents, when my ears start swelling up …

Irritating

Hay fever is also a bit of a problem during English summers — which seems to have been translated into ‘dust fever' here in Dubai. Whenever there's a dust storm I seem to get sinusitis — five times this year is more than a bit irritating (excuse the pun).

Should I wrap myself in cotton wool? That is something I'm not allergic to at least. Or maybe get one of those giant plastic bubbles and roll myself, hamster wheel-like, down Shaikh Zayed Road to the office.

Then again, perhaps not.